San Francisco's Problem
by wiltt003
Summary: Troubled teen River takes a break from her grueling life with an abusive family to spend the summer in Forks with her cousin Bella. River knows motorcycles and mythology like the back of her hand, but boys? How will she fare when astonishingly handsome Jacob Black saunters into her life, stealing her affection as well as he cousin's? Stephanie Mayer owns all but the story is my own
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, this is a new fic (new to the site but not new to me since I've been working on it for over a year and a half for some ungodly reason) which I've wanted to write for a quite a while and share with you guys. I'm trying not to reveal too much too early on without making it dull so thanks for clicking on in the first place.**

 **I hope that it's enjoyed by all and that if anyone has any questions then shoot!**

I promise Bella that I'll call her when my flight lands, grinning as I turn my cell off and board the plane. My mom decided that I was depressed, which propmtly lead to her deciding that she couldn't handle that and it's been way too long since I saw my uncle and Bella. What she really means is that my 'depression' doesn't bring any cash in when it comes to her drinking and/or drugs, so she's not interrested. Her boyfriend was pleased when I announced that I was staying in Forks for the summer, so pleased in fact that he grinned my way and I haven't seen him since. We don't get along so I don't care.

I've never been on a plane before, since when I was a kid we used to drive all the way here, but then my mom got stuck on all kinds of shit until we never had the cash for anything. It took me over ten jobs and four years to get my prized posession -my motorbike- and my plane ticket.

Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, but I can only take so much of her before I crack.

As people pile onto the plane I can't help but smirk down at the book I'm reading as a tall, slightly gorgeous guys sits next to me. No one sits the other side of him. He must notice when my fingers grip the armrests particularly tightly as the plane starts to creep forwards. "You okay?" He asks me, turning in his seat. I notice that he has incredibly blue eyes, framed by glasses that are held together by a small piece of duct tape. Blond curls fall in a mop at the top of his head.

Nodding, I reply. "Yeah, I, uh- Shit, sorry, I've never been on a plane before."

He smirks my way, nodding once. "Well, if it helps at all, I go on a plane every month and can assure you that we're the safest people here." He tells me, smiling down at me. "I'm Fred, by the way."

I look up at him, and God he really is gorgeous. "I'm River." I reply, squeezing my eyes shut while the plane's wheels pick up from the ground, only to slam back down again, doing this at least five times before Fred places his hand over my own.

"Don't worry," He whispers, suddenly his breath is by my ear. "it does this every time." He tells me as it bounces again. This time though, the front end pulls up and we're flying. We're literally flying! Holy shit, this is incredible.

Once the plane's off the ground and we're in the air I open my eyes. Fred and I get talking and even go as far as to exchange cell numbers. He tells me that he's been on vacation with his mom and is going to Washington to see his grandmother for a few weeks, apparently she's quite sick and this may be the last time he gets to see her. I tell him that I too am going to Washington, but to see my uncle and cousin. I tell him that it's pretty crappy at home and I wanted a break. I wonder aloud why we're both okay with telling one another everything and he simply grins at me and replies that it's because we both wear glasses. We laugh together and chat aimlessly for the rest of the flight until the plane lands.

We walk together to the baggage claim area, talking about books and movies.

"It isn't humanly possible for you to have enjoyed reading The Fault In Our Stars!" He exclaims, yanking an enormous grey duffle from the belt, slinging it over his shoulder.

I laugh. "Oh, come on! It's a fantastic book-"

"It tore my heart out." He says, deadpan. "But, I will forgive you for your crimes if you tell me which your favourite book is in the Harry Potter series."

Crap. "I've only read the first three." I tell him, laughing as he gasps in horror.

He shakes his head. "This isn't funny." He tells me, grabbing his bag and opening it before shoving practically his entire arm into it. "Lucky for you," He says, his tongue poking out a little with concentration. "I have the entire set with me." He finishes, pulling out all of the books.

I can't help but laugh. "You're well prepared, huh?" I tease.

He grins down at me, a charming grin as he pushes the books into my own bag. "Read them and mail them to me." He tells me, and I see something flash in his eyes. He really must be the most trustworthy guy ever. I open my mouth to protest, but he puts his finger over my lips and shakes his head. "I know you won't steal them." He tells me confidently, looking with me for my bag.

When I grab my bag Fred tells me that he can see his sister and grandmother, so we say our goodbyes and I head towards the exit. I turn my cell on and call Bella the second I'm outside. "Hey, Bells." I say as she picks up.

"Hey, River! We're here, where are you?" She asks me, excitement and worry clear in her tone. "Oh, wait, I think I see you," She tells me, and the line goes mega quiet.

There is literally no air left in my lungs as I'm tackled from the side, smashed into a stray trolley and squeezed within an inch of my life. "Bells... can't... breathe!" I gasp, surprised at how strong she is for someone only a little taller than me.

"River!" She squeals excitedly, releasing me with a small huff. "God, how have you been? I swear I haven't seen you in like five years or something! Ooh, you've dyed your hair, I always loved your natural colour but this suits you, yeah the black looks good on you. You've got a tan, I'm so jealous! I love your glasses, they've got that retro nerd look, you're rocking them." She talks for America, honestly. I don't remember her ever being this talkative. She's grown since I last remember, she's about five four now.

She yaps on for another minute or so before I notice Uncle Charlie walking over with a tall boy. A tall gorgeous boy. Now, Fred was hot, but this guy is insanely cute, maybe even pretty? I only say pretty because he's got hair that any girl would die for, and he's got plump lips.

I turn my gaze away from the stunning boy that is probably Bella's boyfriend for just that reason. I don't know him so he's not here for me. He's here because he's with Bella, so he's off limits. It's not as if I'd be able to get with a guy like him anyway. I've never kissed a guy before, but since I dropped out of school when I was twelve I didn't really have a chance to be around them. I lost all of my friends when I dropped out becuause I didn't have the money or time to go out with them so they started to ignore me. I'm used to it now though.

Uncle Charlie introduces the boy as Jacob Black, so as he sticks his hand out with a grin, I take it, shake it, and drop it. Jacob doesn't seem at all put out by me dropping his hand so quickly, he merely grins down at me. "So, you're River?" He asks me, I simply nod.

"Uh, I have to go to get my bike." I say to no one in particular as we all begin to walk. _**(I don't know how this would work so I'll just do it my way)**_ The three of them follow me to the baggage claim for large packages. I hand my ticket and boarding pass to a man with a gun and wait while he disappears through some doors, then comes back a minute later with my ticket, boarding pass, and the key to my bike.

He nods in approval. Tall, handsome, looking at me. Today really is my lucky day when it comes to cute guys. He smiles politely at the others. "It's a neat bike you've got there," He says, his stone gaze softening. "I moved that one myself and can tell you that it's in B Thirteen in the furthest car park." He tells me.

Our hands brush lightly as I take my stuff from him and he grins widely at me. I must blush because he chuckles, going back to his desk.

"If you guys show me where you're parked then I can just follow you out." I tell them, stuffing my key into my pocket along with the other papers. Bella frowns, telling me that I only just got here and should be in the car with them. "It's fine, and I'm mega tired and no fun to be around right now."

"Nonsense, I'll get it in the back of the truck and stay in there. You get in with Charlie and Bells. It'll be cheaper in fuel too." Jacob suggests, his grin warm and calming. Butterflies flap uninvited around my stomach. Crap.

"I'll just go on my bike, it's not bother, and I need to call my brother to let him know I arrived okay." I say, lying slightly. My brother, Nathanial, won't be expecting my call, but Charlie doesn't know that Nate lives in England now. Charlie doesn't know that Nate left me there five years ago, the day he was old enough to leave. Charlie doesn't know that everything's gone downhill since I was last here.

Charlie's gaze meets mine. "You can't drive and be on the phone-"

"I've got a headset built into my helmet. I like listening to the radio and stuff while I ride." I tell him, shrugging. "And you know, if it's my company you'll be missing then I can call Bella." I add, trying to smile good naturedly, but I can't. These are people who I will be around for the next three months, I can't pretend to be happy and up beat when I'm not.

They take anothe twenty minutes of convincing before it's finally agreed that I'll simply follow them back to Forks. We're stopping by the grocery store on the way back because Charlie's pleased about having someone else in the house who eats unhealthily with fries and the like. Jacob says he'll come in with us to grab something for his dad's dinner, but Charlie waves a dismissive hand, telling him that the two of them are coming over tonight for the game. "Who's playing tonight?" I ask as we head towards where my bike is parked. I take my thick glasses off while we walk, wiping them with my shirt.

"San Francisco Forty Niners and the Philidelphia Eagles." Charlie replies. "Eagles are-"

"Gonna lose." I supply. Charlie looks both taken back and betrayed. "Sorry, but Forty Niners have this in the bag."

Charlie shakes his head, sighing. "I think it's for the best that we're not in the same vehicle for an hour or so," He jokes, nudging me while we walk.

"Whoa," Jacob breathes as we approach the line of motorcycles. My bike is one of the few possessions that I have, so to say that I take pride in it is an understatement. It's the most expensive thing I've ever purchesed and the single item that I've spent the most on. The bike itself cost me over two thousand dollars to buy, then I bought all of the gear along with multiple books on the bike type, how to best use it, every single detail I could get on it. It wasn't my first bike since when my father passed on he'd been teaching me about his own dirt bike that he did rallies on. I used his bike to teach myself how to ride, and at the age of thirteen I entered a teen rally. That's how I get enough money to keep my mom's apartment, how I pay for groceries, how I keep me, her and even her boyfriend clothed and as healthy as can be. "Which one is yours?" Jacob asks me, gazing longingly at all of the bikes in the car park.

I follow the lines of bikes until we stand in line B, row Thirteen. "This one's mine." I say, my tone the most affectionate it's been in a long time.

Grinning, I take my keys from my pocket and unlock the chains that I've got through the face of my helmet that wrap around the body of my bike. I shove the chains in my bag and put my arm through where the chains were through the neck hole and face.

By the time we're at the store I've been crying for a quarter of the journey. When I called Nate, my brother, he simply said that hearing about Mom put a downer on his mood and he didn't want to hear about how shitty everything is. He says that when I'm eighteen I can go live with him if I like. He asked how school was going, just showing how little he knows since I dropped out five years ago. He even asked how my friends were. I don't have any friends.

In true Nate fashion though, he ended the call, yelling about how I need to stop my whining and do something for myself. How I needed to leave Mom to ruin her own life, make something of my own.

I made sure to wipe my eyes before parking my bike up next to Bella's truck.

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So, I've been living with Charlie and Bella for the past two weeks, and it's been amazing. Every morning I wake at my usual time of five AM, slip my glasses on and jog round the woods that are literally across the road from the house. I run until half past six then take half an hour to walk back to the house at a calm pace. I then swap my glasses for lenses and use Charlie's old kick bag for an hour, doing sit ups and things like that before showering and eating breakfats with them both.

Since I've been here, Charlie's been taking late shifts so that he's there for us both in the mornings, plus he gets to clock more hours by staying late since there aren't as many distractions in an empty office. So, after breakfast, Bella usually tries to wriggle out of plans with her friends, using me as an excuse to stay home, so I've decided to do something that she'll find boring. Too many people have put parts of their lives on hold to accomodate me, so I'm going to prove to her that she can go and have fun without me dying or something.

Usually it's only me and Bella for dinner so she's been inviting the Black's round. Bella and Jacob end up in one room while I usually end up talking to Billy in another. He's a seriously awesome man. After dinner we sit up and watch crap on the TV for a few hours before both going to bed. Sometimes though -as in once- Bella and I just sat up and talked for literally six hours. Bella told me about this guy that she loves -who sounds a little dickish to me- but he left her. She gets super quiet when she talks about him though, so I told her about the guy that I've been crushing over since I was eight, a guy named Matt. He's tall, dark, and god damn gorgeous. Black hair. Sea green eyes. Russet skin. He scowls a lot, but he makes it look damn fine. He also happens to have just come out a year or so ago as gay.

Part of me feels extremely guilty that my heart lifted when Bella told me that she viewed Jacob as a brother.

This morning feels a little different from the rest. Last night Bella went to the movies with Jacob and a friend, but I said that I had stuff I needed to do. She's been calling Jacob all morning but hasn't gotten an answer. I don't know why that bothers me, but it does. Maybe it's abandonment issues, after all, my father died, my mother became a junkie, my brother left for England, and every other member of my family hasn't made an effort to speak to me for five years.

Bella left me here ten minutes ago after I got out of the garage from training, telling me that she was going for a drive. I let her go, knowing that she needs to be alone.

My feet pounded the floor as I sprinted through the woods earlier and everything felt weird, off even, and later two of my knuckles split when I was throwing punches, and I pulled a muscle in my stomach doing crunches too fast. Anyhow, it's time for breakfast.

I don't bother with a shower, simply slipping my glasses on and going straight to the kitchen. Every time I open a cupboard in this house it's full. I can't remember that last time my cupboards had more than enough for two days in them. This place is like heaven to me. They even have a TV, a DVD player, they've got an XBox. Everything.

Shucking my father's old FBI hoodie, I open the refridgerator, taking two eggs, milk, and cheese. When I was a kid my mom would tell me that the reason the rest of the family didn't talk to us was because Dad had done better than Charlie as a cop since Charlie was a small town police chief and my dad was high up in the FBI. Being as high up as he was wasn't what got him killed, but cancer did. No one told me until his funeral. Everyone else knew. But, when they told me, all I could think of was the one time when I was five that he came home at six in the morning, battered and bruised, and while everyone else fussed around him, he put his FBI sweater on me, put me on the counter top and made me scrambled eggs, telling me how much he loved me.

Even as a kid I never had the heart to tell him that I didn't like eggs, scrambled or not, but the way he'd smile when he'd made us breakfast made me shovel eggs down my throat so damn fast. I'd have done anything for my father, and God knows I'd do anything to get him back.

A deep thudding on the door grabs my attention. I spin round, leaving my food on the counter top as I run to the door, yanking it open. "Oh, hey." I say, somewhat awkwardly as I come face to face with "Jacob." I state. "Lose your phone?"

His usual grin is no longer there, but instead drops to show a blank face. "Lose my- wait, what?"

I roll my eyes. "Bella's been calling you all morning-"

"I know, but I couldn't answer her." He tells me, ducking his head in shame. "I've known her all my life, and for so long I used to wonder if we could be more than friends, especially now Edward's gone, but yesterday when I went to the movies with her and that douche, Mike, I realised that she's a sister to me." Why does everyone tell me their problems? I don't care. "I actually came here to speak to you."

Well, I didn't expect that. "Me?" I push my glasses up my nose a little in stereotypical nerd girl fashion. He nods, his smile coming slowly back. "You came to see me?" Again he nods, his smile growing with each second. "Oh, uh, do you want to come in? I'm, uh, breakfast. I don't mean that I'm breakfast, but I'm having some. Cooking. I'm cooking." I say, utterly confused. Gorgeous guys don't want to speak to me, and they certainly don't go out of their own way to do so.

Moving out of the way for Jacob to come in, I can't help but catch the faint scent of motor oil on him as he comes in. I close the door behind him, mentally scolding myself. "So, I kind of came here because I keep getting the feeling that you don't like me, so I just want to know what I've done." He says as we walk into the kitchen. Shit. Okay, so I may or may not have been avoiding him since I arrived here.

"Sorry, I mean, you haven't done anything," I tell him truthfully. "I just- well, I'm no good around guys. The last time I spoke to a guy aside from the dude next to me on the plane was when I was twelve, so yeah, I'm just a little crap when it comes to being a social person."

"Well, I'm a mega social person, so I officially accept the challenge of becoming a good male friend to you." He replies with a huge grin, seemingly unnaffected by my social awkwardness.

I sigh. "Listen, Jacob, I'm not friends with people for a reason, and it's because I'm a crappy friend. I-"

"I'm going to have to stop you right there." He interrupts. "My intentions. I feel like I have to admit to something; and that's that I think you're cute and you're funny, and you love your family fiercely. Things like that make good friend material and I really do want to be your friend, even if it's only for the next-"

"Whoa, whoa, stop. I've already told you that I'm a terrible person to have as a friend. In fact, I'm a terrible person, full stop. You've got Bella and probably countless other people. Like you said, you're a social person, and like I said, I'm not. So, how about we leave it at that and everyone will be better off. Trust me, Jacob, I'm a toxic person." I hate to push him away when he's such a sweet guy, but he'll only get hurt around me. Everyone around me gets hurt.

Jacob sighs and visibly sags. "Fine, sure, but could you help me with something? Bella mentioned you were good with bikes, and she figured since I can fix cars then I'd be able to fix a pair of bikes up for her. I did but she kind of crashed one and I have no idea what to do with it."

"Bella told me those things were your projects together, I don't want to intru-"

"She basically ditched them on me the second they were running. She only did it with me to keep her mind off her ex." And there it is. So he does know she was using him.

Fuck. "Yeah, sure. You, uh, you want anything to eat? I haven't started yet so I can do extra if you'd like." I offer lamely. It's bad enough that I decline his friendship, I should at least be polite.

Like any other teenage boy, he smiles a little at the mention of food. "If it's no hassle." He says softly, nodding. I can't help but smile back, so I turn to ensure that he doesn't see it whilst I crack some eggs.

"Fried, boiled or scrambled?"

"Uh, whatever you're having."

"So, scrambled is okay?"

"Perfect."

Yeah, he really is.

 **I was hoping to get my first chapter to five thousand words, sadly it's over one hundred shy of four thousand, but I thought this was a nice-ish place to end this one. Anyone have any thoughts on anything at all?**

 **Please please please review! It makes me smile so much and I'm always really nervous posting things.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, so we're at Chapter Two, I hope you guys liked/didn't mind the last chapter and are reading on! A review on the last chapter asked me if Jacob had already phased so I'm telling you that no he hasn't, but worry not as vampires, werewolves and so on are still a hugely main theme here and Jacob and the pack will eventually come into play as a unit.**

 **Also, I've got the entire fic pre-written so I can guarantee with my whole heart that this won't be dropped and will be posted as soon as I've gone through it for grammar and so forth -speaking of finishing things, I was reading through She Wolf the other day and some of you may have noticed that it's been deleted, this is down to the fact that I'd got spelling mistakes and grammar errors so I'm going to iron those out and put it back up when I'm done... plus it made me cringe since I wrote it a year and a half or so ago.**

 **Anyhow, away we go, or 'stay classy' as a friend of mine likes to say...**

"So, how'd you learn about bikes?" Jacob asks me as I pull my helmet off.

After breakfast the other day, Jacob decided that he didn't want to work on the bike that day but wondered if I'd help him with something else. Some part of me knew that this was his way of trying to build a friendship with me, and I knew it was wrong to lead him to think that we could be friends, but I couldn't help myself. No one had been as kind to me as he had since my father died. I ended up mentioning that by accident and he told me that he too had lost a parent. We shared stories of his mother and my father over breakfast, then over coffee in the living room. He left a little while later and I went up to have a shower, doing little aside from cleaning all of the parts on my bike before retreating to my room when Bella came back with some friends.

"My dad had an old rally bike when I was younger, I used to hand him tools when he was working on it. I think he gave it to my brother when it was all fixed up, but when my father died my brother just let it collect dust, said it was too painful to see it without thinking of Dad working on it. I decided to hell with it and took the whole thing apart. I cleaned every single peice of it and found a two thousand page manual on the internet on how to put it back together." I tell him, grinning as I remember how many times I put the wrong bits together and how many bits I broke, having to ask my mom for money out of my savings account to buy new parts. I've got ADHD so it was great, like a massive three D jigsaw. It cost a lot of money though. Eventually she just gave me a card and told me my pin number. I changed the pin when she started to take drugs.

Jacob smiles at me, kicking the stand on my bike for me and taking my helmet, telling me he'll put it in tha garage with the bike we'll be looking at.

I've been here for two weeks and three days now, and tonight's the full moon. I hear it brings out the crazy in people. As a kid I was fascinated by the concept of werewolves, about the idea of changing from man to monster upon the full moon's wish, but since then I've learned that nothing's more monsterous than man himself. Poetic, huh?

"You smile when you talk about your dad, I'm sorry that you lost him, he sounds incredible. I wish I'd have had a chance to meet him." Jacob says, his deep voice soothing me a little. Jacob Black is officially my guilty pleasure.

My face like stone, I reply. "Thanks, I'm sorry you lost your mom, I know it sucks."

He nods. Our moment is over, and for that I'm thankful since Jacob seems to know just how to get me to respond given enough time. "Do you want anything to eat? I haven't had anything today, I guess I forgot, then I remembered you were coming over so I figured we could eat lunch together if you don't mind." He's so damn polite.

I find myself nodding. "Yeah, thanks. Whatever you're having." I reply, smiling a little to show my gratitude. I am actually super hungry today. I forgot to eat breakfast and I ran further than usual and did an extra hour on the gym kind of stuff. I always do this time of month.

Jacob's grin is utterly stunning as he ties his hair at the nape of his neck before opening his door and ushering me inside from the rain. It turns out no one around here locks their doors since it's a close knit place, everyone knows everyone. "Hey, son." Jacob's father, Billy, says as Jacob closes the door. "Ah, and River, is it?" He asks, smiling brightly.

Smiling genuinely, I nod. "Yes, Sir. Good morning." I reply politely.

He grins. "It is a good morning isn't it? Oh, and please do call me Billy, Sir makes me feel so old!" He exclaims, laughing. I smile and nod, telling him that I'll be sure to do so in the future. Jacob has an amazing father. "Harry will be over for me any minute now, so you kids have a good day. I'll wait outside for him." Billy grins at both of us before wheeling himself over to the door, letting Jacob open it for him before going down the ramp.

The door is closed behind him and Jacob grins. He has the same smile as Billy. "Alright, we've got lasagna or fish." Jacob tells me as he opens the enormous freezer in their kitchen. "Your pick." He adds, looking up to me with his trademark grin. He really is gorgeous.

I shrug. "I don't mind. Whatever you want." I reply, sliding into a seat at the table.

Grinning, Jacob tells me that we're having fish since it'll make him look like a better chef than he is when preparing it. I can't help but laugh a little at his antics. He's right though, he does look extremely skilled with his hands as he guts the fish, taking its head, bones and tail along with it too. "You look incredible when you smile." Jacob whispers, and since he's shoveling fish guts into the trash can, I don't think I was supposed to hear. I don't let on that I heard him.

We eat in silence, but somehow it's not awkward. Jacob smiles at me every time he catches my eye, and I find myself smiling softly back.

"I don't know where things go, so I'll wash, you dry." I tell him once we're done, picking both our plates up and walking over to the cramped sink. Well, I say cramped, but it's actually the perfect size, and compared to where I live, this place is a god damn mansion.

Jacob smiles -as always- and stands, nodding. "Not many girls would rope themselves into doing dishes." He says as he wanders over to me.

I shrug. "Charlie doesn't let me help around the place, and since that's basically all I do back home, well let's just say that I'm going insane. You don't know how many times I've cleaned my bike since I've been here, I even cleaned Bella's truck just as something to do."

"So, you're good with your hands?" He prompts, and I can practically hear his smirk.

Why do I let him say stuff like that? I should stop him, I should act disgusted, but in actual fact I just smirk back. "A girl's gotta look after herself." I reply, flicking my hair over my shoulder. Wait, did I really just do that? Have I really just flicked my hair over my shoulder at a guy? Oh god. I'm so sick of myself right now. I feel like a whore and all I've done is say one flirtatious thing. I suck so badly at flirting that I don't even think it counts as flirtatious. Still feel like a whore.

The dishes take no longer than five minutes to wash and put away. Jacob seems thankful of the help, and my hands stop shaking so much. I hadn't even realised they'd started, but they must have started since I watched them stop. "What's the problem with the bikes then?" I ask Jacob as he passes me a tea towel to dry my hands.

Jacob's smile drops a little and he reaches to scratch the back of his neck. "I have no idea." He mumbles.

A smile creeps onto my face. "Why do you seem so ashamed of that? You specialise in cars, right? Not bikes." I tell him, walking towards the door of the red wood cabin.

He shrugs as we exit and he leads me to the garage, wheeling two sirt bikes out. "I know they're filthy, but I can clean them later, I was just wondering if you could take a look at the parts, you know, see what I need to replace?" He questions, looking down at the bikes. They look like pieces of rusty shit. Perfect.

I nod. "Yeah, I can help clean them if you like. It's not like I do anything else with my days anyhow." I reply. These things are like a gold mine for me and my ADHD. Absolute fucking perfection. They're so damned filthy, they'd keep me busy for an hour just cleaning their outer shells and wheels.

Jacob smiles, laughs, and shakes his head. "Nah, it's okay. Just 'cause you don't have anything to do doesn't mean you should rope yourself into helping me clean up my own mess. Anyway, those things are caked in mud, I couldn't let you do that." He tells me, waving me off politely.

Shrugging, I tell him: "It's not a problem. If I stay still for too long then my hands get jittery, so I clean stuff. It's actually kind of theraputic." He smiles while I'm talking, nodding in disbelief. "Also, the idea of those things having as much dirt under their shells and in the engines and pipes as is on their bodies bothers me. Things get too rusty or dirty and your bike's reaction times start to get slower, your brakes work a little less until it's all just a pile of crap." I add, knowing from watching other guys at rallies that your brakes becoming unresponsive will land you in hospital -or a ditch. Some guys just think their bikes look cooler covered in dirt, and sure, some do, but some guys forget that the rest of the bike has to stay clean.

Looking sceptical, Jacob shrugs. "I'm not gonna say that you can't help, but I'm sure as hell not saying that I expect you to." he tells me, shrugging when I smile. "So, do you want me to take the shells off?" He asks.

I shake my head. "Nah, just kick the stands on and I'll see if I can avoid taking them apart." I reply, waiting as he kicks the stands on both of them and then I walk over to the first one, asking if he minds if I start it up. He shakes his head. "Thanks." I say, straddling the almost nonexistant seat and kick starting the bike. The engine doesn't catch the first time, so I try again, going until it does. "If you don't know about bikes then how did you get these things going the first time round?" I ask, recognising the problem as the bike starts, making some odd noises.

Jacob blushes lightly, "I looked on the internet and had my friend look at them. He basically told me what to do, then when Bella got here that's what I'd do." He admits, looking shamefully at the floor.

I laugh. I can't help it. "Nicely done, did she even give you the time of day?" I ask, smirking at the fact that he went to these lengths to get my cousin to like him, only for them both to tell me that they see the other as a sibling. He shakes his head, laughing with me for a second.

"Nah, she just ended up bashing her head in on a rock and mumbling about her ex when she fell asleep on the way home." He replies.

I grin and let a small smile ghost my face as I stop laughing and raise an eyebrow. "She managed to bash her head in through a helmet?"

"We didn't have any helmets."

All I can think of is the amount of times I've fallen off and how much that hurt even through my protective gear. "How fast was she going?" I ask, knowing what it feels like to smash into the ground at almost a hundred.

"About twenty miles an hour." Jacob replies, frowning as he sees my worry. It fades quickly though as my worry does. She's obviously okay now, so there's no reason to worry.

Neither of us says a thing as we silently study one another. I can feel Jacob's eyes on one of the many small scars that I've got,on my face and neck, so as he opens his mouth, I speak before he can get the chance. "There's a pipe near the engine, it's either split or it's loosened near the valve. If it's split then you just need a new pipe, and if it's come away from the valve then you either need to tighten it back up and secure it, or you can buy a new valve." I tell him, shutting the bike's engine off. "Or, you could go safe and buy a new pipe and new valve."

He stammers for a second, looking from the scar that runs under my glasses and diagonally over the bridge of my nose, low on the right side and higher on the left, only about an a centimetre and a half long and hardly thicker than a hair, then to my lips, then eyes, holding them in his gaze. "Uh, sure, thanks. Which would you recomend?" He asks, keeping eye contact.

I shrug a little. "I can take the shell off and tell you, but if you need a new part then-"

"I've got a tonne of spare parts in there." He tells me, pointing to an enormous, grand wooden chest with the most intricate, beautiful carvings of wolves etched into its sides. My breath must hitch in amazement, because he goes on, "My dad carved it for me when my mom was pregnant with me, said the wolves bring our tribe luck so they'd bring me luck. I figured I wanted to be lucky when it came to fixing things, or school, and I thought it'd look cooler to have it full of tools and spare parts that to have it spilling with school work." He says, sounding somewhat embarrassed at the end.

"It's beautiful." I get out, recalling seeing an old chest that my father had, it had a tiger carved into it. My mom sold it for thirty bucks so she could buy drugs. I figured that a real buyer who was genuinely interested would have paid over a hundred for something so beautiful, so the joke's on her.

"Yeah," Jacob breathes beside me, only, I can feel his eyes boring into my face, so I turn to the bikes.

"Help me take the shell off?" I ask, motioning to the bike beneath me.

"Yeah, of course!" He exclaims, offering me his hand as I swing my leg over. I purposefully go over the other side and pretend not to see his hand. He pulls it away before thrusting it back towards the bike, making the whole movement look like he did it intentionally.

Together, we work the screws out of the shell until we can literally peel it up and away like a glove. I smile as I see all the dirt on the pipes. Saying nothing, I crouch at the front of the bike and look at the now naked bike. My eyes scan the various pipes, knowing which one it is that I need to look at but knowing that I should look for other problems first. I can't see any under the dirt. "Do you have any trash bags?" I ask, reaching and waggling one of the pipes, frowning when it literally falls off in my hand.

"Yeah, how many?" Jacob asks in reply. I tell him four and wait while he runs off and comes back with four black trash bags.

I stand and walk over to my bike, popping the seat up and taking out a drinks bottle full of thick amber goo that looks like washing up liquid. It's a solution that you mix with water to clean things, and it's in a drinks bottle because the guy that I get it from shouldn't legally be selling it so he can't have his own bottle in case someone like the cops come knocking about it.

"I won't be able to do anything with the parts until they're clean, so I'm gonna take the bike apart and put the parts in the bags, then put some of this stuff on them with water. We'll leave them over night and I'll come back whenever and put them back together for you, finding the parts you need to replace." I tell him, placing the bottle on the floor.

Jacob nods in reply. "Well, are you free tomorrow?" He asks, hopefullness showing in his tone.

I shake my head. "Sorry, next two days I told a friend I'd meet her." I tell him, only being half honest. I will be meeting a woman Tori, but we're not exactly friends, and it won't be in the day time. Anyhow, he doesn't need to know about that. "Getting out of the house early, getting back late, wouldn't have the time." I add, trying desperately not to sound like I'm blowing him off. "I'll be free from then though, so if you're not doing anything on Sunday-"

"My cousin's birthday." He interrupts, somewhat glumly. "Birthdays round here are a whole day event even for the entire family." He adds, shrugging.

"Monday?" I suggest.

He smiles a little. "Well, two of my friends might be dropping by, but they'd only be here for a little while, so if you don't mind them then sure." He says, seeming hopeful again.

I nod, smiling a little myself. "Monday then."

"Monday." He agrees, grinning fully.

We stand for a second, both of us smiling as we look at one another. I feel a little uncomfortable, but only because I know I wouldn't if it wasn't Jacob, so then I feel guilty for not feeling weird and it's all one big weird feeling of guilty happiness.

The two of us finally break eye contact and set about taking both bikes apart. Luckily they're both the same model, so I tell Jacob to just copy me on one bike while I take the other apart. We take the shell off until we're left with just pipes and things on both of them and set about working.

I work slowly, using the tools that Jacob has just lying around and showing him how to gently remove pipes, nuts, bolts and screws, placing everything that we take off into the bags, filling them all in no time until we're left pretty much with fuel tanks, handlebars, seats, and the shells. Obviously there are other bits as well, but there's not much when we're done a few hours later. We would have been done sooner, but we stopped for drinks, toilet breaks, and Jacob wanted food every half an hour, claiming that he was a growing boy and needed it -we laughed together at that as he patted his stomach to prove his point though he's in no way fat.

My cell buzzes twice in my pocket, then twice again. I ignore it as I pour a little of the cleaning solution into two of the full bags and tell Jacob to fill them as best he can with water and tie them at the top. I then move onto the other two bags, pouring a little in them too. My cell buzzes again a couple more times.

Quickly, I wipe my hands on my pants, not worrying since I'm wearing sweats so I don't stain any of my favourites. I pull my cell out - one of the only new/up to date things I own- and unlock it, seeing seven messages waiting for me. Each one is from Bella. I open the first one up and adjust my glasses comfortably.

 _Hey, you still at home?_

 _11:04_

Then the second and so on.

 _You wanna get lunch with me and my friends?_

 _12:32_

 _You alright? Text me when you get this?_

 _12:56_

 _We're at the diner, do you want directions? You're kinda worrying me, text back._

 _13:01_

 _Okay, so either you're ignoring me or you're asleep or whatever. Just text me so I know you're not dead in some ditch._

 _13:09_

 _We've all ordered but you can still come...?_

 _13:18_

 _Left you alone, you were probably alseep earlier. You okay? Dinner's chicken tikka masala, in the pan. Be back for seven? Been anywhere interresting?_

 _18:38_

Wait, it's almost seven? I've been here for almost six and a half hours, and yet I feel like I haven't spent my entire day with Jacob. I feel like I could stay here forever.

I type a quick reply to Bella.

 **Hey Bells, sorry, phone was on vibrate and I didn't feel it. Wasn't ignoring you, honest. If you weren't related to me I'd worry that you were trying to seduce me with my favourite dish, don't worry, I'm always on time when there's curry involved. Won't be long, only at the Black's.**

And to save Jacob's masculinity, I add.

 **Jacob's been taking a good long look at my bike since it's been making a weird noise. He's sorted it out for me, thank god.**

I click send just as Jacob asks if everything's alright.

Nodding, I tell him, "Yeah, Bella was just asking where I was." I tell him, and I was throwing you some brownie points, I mentally add, turning my cell and holding it out to him.

He takes it from me and I pretend not to notice as our fingers brush. He mouths as he read through the messages, grinning as he gets to his name being mentioned. "You know," He says, handing me my cell back. "I'm okay to face her scrutiny if you don't want to lie."

I shrug. "Look over at my bike." I tell him, smirking as he does, then looks back at me and raises a brow. I shrug again. "Compared to those bikes, mine makes a weird noise, it may be the right one, but you know, in comparison and all, so technically now it's not a lie." I say, smiling lightly.

Jacob smiles back with a nod. "Well, I'd offer you a ride back, but I don't have a car." He tells me, looking a little saddeden by this fact. "Well, I have this one," He adds, pointing to the VW Rabbit. "but it's not fixed up yet."

"Don't worry about it." I tell him, smiling a little shyly now. "I'm pretty sure you've had your daily dose of me now, so I'll see you on Monday." I finish, swinging my leg over my bike. "Just don't move those bags in case they rip, oh, and don't get any of the stuff on your hands if the bags do rip. Wash them thoroughly if you can't help yourself and dip your hands in there." I add, yanking my helmet on and smirking. I pull on my leather jacket that's fitted with protective plates inside, zipping it us before doing up the studs.

I wave to Jacob as I put the bike key in and kick start the engine.

Grinning, he waves back, yelling that he won't move the bags.

I give him a thumbs up before wheeling my bike backwards, turning it, and shooting off onto the road. I faintly hear him yell "Monday!" as I watch him slowly fade in my mirror.

I'm defenseless against the grin that covers my face, so I don't even fight it. I drive quickly and carefully along the busy roads, weaving through traffic until it's all at a stand still.

The roads are crowded with people trying to get home from a days work, but I weave through the traffic, slotting in at the front of the set of cars at the traffic lights. The second the lights are green I go, but we're all at a cross roads and two assholes are racing from the right of me, coming straight at the car to my right. The car beside me skids to a halt and all I see are headlights brighter than anything I've ever seen before. I freeze.

Holy shit.

You know in movies how everything either moves so quickly that you can't tell what's going on or so slowly that you see every gory detail? Well it's nothing like that.

The first car smashes right into my front wheel. My bike is built for off roading, not being rammed into. The handle bars twist wildly as the wheel does, and as I grip for dear life the bike gets thrown forwards and my lower half flies from my seat.

I don't know how or when I let go of my bike, but I soon find myself thrown over the first car and smashing into the back door of the second one before dropping to the floor.

My head smacks the ground, my vision blurring slightly in my helmet as my glasses move from the impact. There's an intense pain somewhere in my head, I'm so whacked out I can't actually tell where, but boy can I taste blood, thick on my tongue. I roll onto my side just in time as the two cars screech away, neither one stopping. Cars all around me skid to a stop on every side of the junction as the idiots speed away, probably realising that they're in the wrong in the eyes of the law.

I close my eyes and cough violently, aware that there's blood coming from my mouth and splattering against the glass of my helmet's visor. I'm damn thankful of my protective jacket as I feel a throbbing pain in my arm, knowing that it's not broken but probably would be had I not worn the jacket.

I'm aware of people getting out of their cars, but since my father's death all I've been taught is that you shouldn't trust people. So, I roll from my side onto my stomach and push myself up. Hands on my back push me back down as people crowd around me and my bike. "You need to stay on the ground in case you've broken something!" A woman yells, obviously not knowing that I can hear her.

Rolling onto my back must be pretty shocking as when I do the fifteen or so people gasp. I open my eyes and yank my visor up. My hands come away bloody. "I... need to... sit up." I rasp out desperately, feeling blood on my face.

A man kneels down beside me, grey hair combed back. He has a young boy beside him, looking no older than thirteen, but is probably about five inches taller than me and you can tell he's got more muscle than the average kid his age. I'm by no means checking him out, but he's got a cute boyish face, like my brother used to. "River, is it?" The grey haired man questions as I take his arm. I nod, not trusting myself to talk. "I'm Harry Clearwater, I'm a friend of Charlie's." He explains, pulling me gently up while the boy kneels on my other side, carefully pushing my shoulders to help me.

Bending my knees, I plant my feet on the floor, leaning my head until the helmet's hard surface touches my knee and I'm looking down at the floor. I cough violently, pain rippling through me as I do so. The man, Harry, asks the boy, who is called Seth, to clear everyone away. He does. "She's alright, we're going to get her to her home with her family." He explains as some people ask what's going to happen with me.

Two women shoot out of an old, battered car. "Harry, is she okay?" The oldest of the two women asks as I sit back up, spitting blood out onto the road and watching as the heavy rain washes it away.

"She seems a little roughed up, why don't you and Leah help her into the car. We'll drive her over to Charlie's and I'll get Paul to tie her bike up on the roof." Harry replies, waiting while the two women rush over so he and Seth can stand. I make to stand too but Harry plants a firm hand on my shoulder. "Just hang tight until we know what's what, alright?" His tone is authorititive yet soothing, like a deeper version of Jacob's, slightly raspier too, so I do as he says and wait while the two women kneel beside me. The older one slowly slips my glasses from my face to show a cracked lense.

"You're getting wet knees." I get out before hunching forwards and coughing again.

As I sit back, the older woman wraps an arm round my shoulders and smiles softly. "I think you're a little more important than me getting my knees wet right now, hmm?" She replies, waitng while the other one, Leah, crouches. "Now, my name's Sue, and I'm a doctor on the Reservation. I'll get a better look at you when we get you home to Charlie and Bella, but can you tell me what hurts?" She says, her tone so motherly and caring. It's been seven years since my mother used a tone like that with me.

"My head and my back." I reply hoarsly, then groan, leaning forwards to cough some more. "And my arm." I rasp as I feel a shooting pain in my wirst.

Sue nods. "Leah, help me get her into the back." She says sternly, a grim line of determination set across her face. She shouts Seth over, telling him to keep me conscious. Oh god, am I going to pass out? No, tonight is not the night for passing out. Not on the full moon, not when I'm supposed to be meeting Tori. She'll go insane if I'm a no show.

Seth and Leah swap places then Sue and Seth take one of my arms each, Seth being careful after I wince a couple of times. With my arms in their grips they help me to stand, only for the shooting pain that was in my arm to reach into my back, holding my spin hostage. I gasp, pain searing in me as I see Leah run to their car, sitting in the back seat as two large, muscular guys wear no shirts as they lift my bike, carefully easing it onto the roof of the car and tying it down like you'd do with a deer.

My legs give way and I manage to wriggle from Seth's and Sue's grasp, falling painfully to my hands and knees. Violent coughs rip through me, blood slpatting against the road.

"Sue, allow me." One of the shirtless men says. "Seth, get the car door, I'm gonna sit her between you and Leah, she'll have to lean against one of you so you're gonna need to talk to her to keep her awake, got it?" Seth nods and runs ovre to the car, relaying this all to Leah who no telling him that's why she's already in the car. "Hey," The guys says to me, kneeling beside me just like everyone else has done. "I'm Sam Uley," Why does everyone feel the need to give me their last name? It's not as if I'm going to see any of them again. "I'm going to pick you up since you seem to be having trouble walking, okay?" I barely have time to nod before Sue's helping me to stand as Sam picks me up, holding me against his chest as he walks to the car.

This is turning out to be quite eventful. "Sorry about all this, it's so embarrassing." I croak as Sam gets me to the car. I'm set gently on my feet.

"Don't try to move, okay? We're going to move you so that you don't have to do a thing, just try to move with us, alright?" Sue says as Leah places a reassuring hand on my shoulder, kneeling in the center of the back seats.

For some reason, I only think that I hope no one's called an ambulance 'cause there'd be no one here when it gets here.

There are hands on me everywhere, but all I notice is the look of pain on Sam's face as his gaze flickers over my shoulder to Leah then back to me before she notices. Wonder what happened there? "Lean back against Leah." Sam says to me. I stay rigid though, panicking slightly. Well, not panicking, but just tensing in pain.

Slowly I'm eased backwards until Leah puts her arms gently around my waist, telling me not to worry as my head lolls back. I'm pretty sure I nutted her with my helmet, but she says nothing.

Fuzzy vision and lack of usable limbs is never a good sign when you're trying to avoid passing out, but the massive amound of pain surging through me lets me know that I'm most certainly not dreaming. Leah sits sideways in her seat with her back pressed against her door, me pressed against her from. Seth gets in, putting my feet in his lap, and I feel bad now because I'm getting mud on his jeans. "I've got muddy feet." I tell him.

He laughs. "Don't worry, we've got a washing machine." He tells me, smiling cutely.

"Keep her awake." I hear Leah hiss.

"Oh, yeah, sorry." He says, apologising to his big sister. "So, uh, how old are you?" Seth asks me, trying to start conversation.

"Seventeen, you?" I reply, trying to keep my voice from wobbling.

He smiles. "Thirteen. But I'm fourteen on Sunday." He tells me proudly.

I can feel myself slowly losing consciousness, but I make a quick link in my head. "You're Jacob's cousin?" I question, realising how sweet it is that they're related and are the two most polite guys I've ever met.

Seth looks a little confused as he nods. "You know Jake?"

"Yeah, he's Bella's friend really, but I was helping him fix a bike."

"So were you coming from Jacob's?" Harry asks, making it a team effort to keep me awake as they drive.

I nod, then realise he can't see me. "Yeah, are you the Harry that came for Billy?" I reply, but soon realise that my voice is getting breathy and quiet. Blood drips into my mouth, coming from my nose, when I open it to take deep breaths in order to stop myself from coughing.

"Yeah, that's me. We must have missed you by a few minutes." He says, smiling in the mirror at me.

They all keep me awake and talking for the ten minutes that it takes to get to Charlie's, and when we get back Charlie all but yanks the front door off its hinges. "Harry, I think I had a heart attack when you called!" He exclaims as Harry and Sue get out of the car. "Is she okay? Should I take her to the hospital? I'll start the cruiser-"

"Harry, she'll be fine." Sue says, and if it didn't hurt so much I think I'd laugh at her tone. "We just need to get her inside, get her some painkillers, food, water. She might need some help getting out of her clothes and so on, and she might need a sling, but if Bella helps her with that then I'm sure everything will be fine." Sue tells him soothingly.

Seth takes my feet from his lap before running out of the car, sprinting round to Leah's side and opening her door.

Charlie and Harry help Leah to slide out of the car before Charlie picks me up without the aid of anyone else and carries me inside to where Bella's sitting in the living room. "Charlie, take her to the kitchen and sit her up on the counter top." Sue says as Charlie starts to set me on the couch. He bolts back upright, rushing me into the kitchen and sitting me on the counter.

I grab at his shoulders to steady myself, but in the end I still need him to hold me from falling sideways. I'm vaguely away of Bella running to the bathroom and the sound of vomiting. Oh yeah, she has a thing about blood. Oops.

"We put her bike by Bella's truck, you need us for anything else?" Comes Sam's voice as he walks into view with the other guy, Paul, was it?

Harry shakes his head. "No thanks, boys. You guys head on home, thanks for helping."

The two nod before leaving without another word.

"Alright, River, I'm going to try to take your helmet off now, okay?" Sue says.

I shake my head, "Wait," I say, reaching with one hand to the side of my helmet. My finger's find the small clasp that I built into it and I pull it before letting go and unsnapping the clasp below my chin then pulling my visor clean off and undoing the almost invisible buckle at the front of the helmet, sighing as the whole thing splits into two halves.

Sue grabs the sides before I can, placing them together on the counter the opposite side of the kitchen before taking the visor from my hands and doing the same. "I didn't know they could do that." Seth says, obviously still trying to keep me awake.

"They can't, I cracked my old helmet so when I got that one a friend of mine sawed it open and kept putting clasps on it until he got them in places that would work to keep it together. Thank god they worked." I reply, trying to joke lightly.

Sadly, Seth's efforts go to waste as I slump forwards against Charlie's chest, darkness pulling me into it's clutches.

 **So, Chapter Two is over. At first I wasn't too sure about how to finish this chapter because to be honest, I know where this fic is going to be at something like Chapter Ten, or even Chapter Twenty, but I'm not too sure how to get there.**

 **Please review guys, it'd mean the world to me.**

 **Also, I'd just like to point out now that I know literally nothing about motorcycles, and so any information given on this fic is either copied from Google or random crap that I've sputtered.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay, we've arrived at Chapter Three, I'm kind of excited. I don't know why, but I'm excited for something.**

 **Anyhow...**

Over the years, I've learned that healing happens from the inside out, but in order for the inside to heal, you have to keep the outside clean.

So apparently, last night Bella threw up four times because of the amount of blood, the first time I was conscious for, but the last three I was out for. Sue put stuff on my wounds, but I only really had a few scratches, some nasty bruises, and a broken nose. No one knows how my nose broke though as the helmet I wear is snug and I shouldn't be able to even touch the visor with my nose if I tried, but I know that it's possible from experience twice now when you're going quickly enough with a strong enough impact.

Charlie told me that Sue got me into my pyjamas -which consists of a sports bra and shorts- after cleaning my cuts, treating my bruises and resetting my nose with little hassle. I've been laid out on the couch all night because it's easier to get to the bathroom from here instead of risking me falling down the stairs if I placed a wrong foot upstairs since the upstairs bathroom is close to the staircase.

Bella stayed with me all night apparently, so when I woke this morning with a groan, I was pleased to see that she was stil asleep as I reached into the pillow case beneath me and pulled out the envelope that I knew would be there. I tore it open to find two fifty dollar notes and a scrap of paper that said _'You did well last night. Tori.'_ I later asked Bella for my messenger bag, stuffing it in there and taking a pen out, scribbling on the tip of my finger with the excuse that I wanted to know if it worked. She and Charlie fussed all morning until Charlie had to go to work and Bella went up for a shower, telling me that there was curry in the fridge from last night as well as stuff for breakfast.

It also turns out that my glasses were smashed beyond repair but that Charlie is planning on sending them off to get the prescription replecated for me. Until then I have to use what's left of my lenses.

So, that brings us to now.

I have no broken bones aside from my nose, but walking proves to be a little difficult since I landed on my hip yesterday. All in all though, I'm okay.

Hissing in pain slightly, I stand and shuffle over to the kitchen, sliding into a seat there while I decide what I want for breakfast. I can't think about anything though, nothing other than my note from Tori. _You did well last night_ How could I have done well? How did I even manage to get to her? I don't dwell on this however since much stranger things have happened to me before. But breakfast. How am I supposed to decide what to have for breakfast? One does not simply know what to eat in the morning.

I stop thinking as someone knocks on the door.

Jacob?

Maybe he's heard about the accident.

Is it wrong that I'm actually kind of pleased that he'd come?

I stans slowly, using the walls as support as I walk to the door, suddenly aware of how little I'm wearing, and that you can see my scars. Great. I have little time to think about this however as whoever's at the door knocks again. Does he have no patience? "Just a second!" I yell, reaching the door a couple of seconds later and yanking it open.

It's not Jacob.

Why does that sadden me?

"Uh, hey, you here for Bella?" I ask the four teenagers who stand outside.

One of them nods while the other three just look at me, confused. There are two guys and two girls. One of the girls wears glasses and what you'd class as 'safe' clothes while the other wears a load of make up and kind of slutty clothes. One of the guys has an adorable baby face while the other has an emo haircut. "Yeah, she in?" The kind of slutty girl asks me.

I nod. "Yeah, why don't you guys come on in." I reply, moving out of the doorframe. The four of them shuffle in awkwardly, standing in the living room. "I'll shout her down." I add, feeling uncomfortable in here with them. "Bella!" I yell, waiting while there's a loud thud upstairs followed by a hiss of pain then a few more thuds as she barrels down the stairs with only a towel wrapped around her body.

"Jesus, River, I thought you'd fallen and died or something." She snaps as she sees her friends.

Shrugging, I reply, "Well, if I fall and die then I promise to yell for you so you know." I close the door as I talk and hobble into the kitchen.

Bella tells her friends that she's just going to get dressed before running back up the stairs. I keep to myself and stay in the kitchen, taking the orange juice from the refridgerator and pouring myself an enormous glass. I wince a litte when I'm putting the carton back though as it pulls at the scratches on my palms and the backs of my hands.

I decide on bacon for breakfast, knowing it's one of the few things that Charlie buys in bulk, and that he certainly won't miss a packet. I grab a frying pan and stick it on the hob, turning the gas on and lighting the flame with a match. I spray some oil onto the pan and wait for it to go clear before layering my strips of bacon on thinly and washing my hands.

"Hey, River." Bella says when she reaches the bottom of the stairs.

"Yeah?" I reply without turning to face her.

I hear her footsteps as she comes into the kitchen. "If Jake drops by or calls then just tell him I'm out and I'm still going to drop by on Monday?" She says, and before I can open my mouth, she and her friends are leaving. Monday? She's going there on Monday? It's one thing letting him take the credit for my work on the bikes -which I don't mind- but how's he going to do that if I'm there? Maybe he'll call and cancel with me. I wonder suddenly how Bella felt about me being with Jacob yesterday after she and he fell out.

A day or so after their trip to the movie theatre they got real shitty with each other. Bella spent an entire night bitching about him to me, and he hardly mentioned her at all when I was there. Maybe they do both like one another, maybe they're both lying about the whole brother/sister relationship because they're scared of being hurt. I guess now would be the wrong time to admit that I might have a tiny crush on Jacob. Nah, it's not going to be a problem, because once they're together my stupid feelings will wither away because I'll see how awesome they are together. Anyway, I'm only here for two months and a week or so now anyhow, and it's not like I'd be a good person for Jacob anyway.

Where he's happy and smiles, I'm gloomy and frown. When he's polite, I barely speak. He's amazing, and I'm dull. He's embraced life, and I've got the scars to prove that I did otherwise. Like I told myself the fist day we met; he's not for me.

I waddle over to the couch where I left my bag and open it, riffling through it until I come out with a small card box with a flip lid. Wandering back to the bacon, I lower the heat and flip it all over before leaving the house and climbing the tree in the back yard. It's not my best of ideas since I'm in a tonne of pain and am having trouble so much as walking. It takes me an entire half an hour to get ten feet up into the thing -by which time my bacon is done so I pull the fat off, put all of the slices into some bread and stick that on a plate- but I find a fork comfortable enough to sit on while I catch my breath before sliding along the limb. I manage to get my bacon sandwich up there too by putting it in a zip bag and sticking that in my pocket.

Pain is something that baffles me. Sometimes I don't pysically understand how the human body can do so much. I don't understand how it can feel so much pleasure, how it can feel chills, heat, the pouring rain, the blistering sun, and then it can feel complete and utter agony that makes you think that your very being is at risk of destruction.

Sighing, I open the small box in my hands and pull out one of the cigarettes and my lighter before pushing the box into the pocket of my shorts.

I realise quickly that I have no way of getting down, but I do have a bacon sandwitch so that's okay.

My fingers work out of disgusting habit as I spark the lighter up, putting the brown filter of the cigarette in my mouth and holding the flame's tip to the other end. As the flame catches I pull it away, shoving the lighter into my pocket and shimmying it into the packet before reaching into my other pocket and taking out my sandwich.

Setting my food beside me, I close my eyes and inhale deeply, feeling the smoke -but more importantly nicotine- fill my lungs, somehow relaxing every joint in my body. I revel in the feeling for a few seconds longer before releasing the cloud of smoke through my nose and opening my eyes as I waft it away so I know it won't cling to my clothes as badly.

Bored, I take my lighter out again, lighting it up and staring at the flame. Fire is something that has fascinated me since seeing a flame dancing atop a candle on my brother's birthday cake when I was about five years old. I learned the hard way not to stick my hand in a flame when I was nine and my brother was having a bonfire with his friends. He kicked all of them out -even his girlfriend- so he could look after me with no distractions. When he'd asked me later why I'd done it, I told him it was because one of Dad's things had fallen in. I hated his friends from that day onwards because it was actually one of them who had thrown our father's old cane in, it hadn't fallen. They hadn't done it to be cruel, I think they were drunk or had smoked something.

With a deep sigh, I hold my hand high above the flame, staring it down, daring it to burn me.

I bring my hand to my face, holding the cigarette between my lips as I use my teeth the pull on the leather braided bracelet that I wear with its strand of silver that has my father's name engraved onto it. All the while, I'm still smoking, slowly pulling the smoke in, and breathing it out through my nose for a few minutes. Then, in a move of idiocy, I hold my hand over the flame once more, only lower.

An angry snarl rips through me as pain is nowhere to be found. Bringing my hand to my face for inspection, I growl as I see no mark. Fuck it. I rip what's left of the stub of my cigarette from my lips and crush the still glowing end in my palm groaning in sweet pain as it burns my skin. I know how this might look, but I actually don't like pain, it's just that this time of the month things get a little wild in my life and I go to extremes.

Anyhow, when I look at my hand, I whimper as it heals before my very eyes, the bubbled skin reforming perfectly once more. I curse as I notice a few of the scratches from yesterday have healed too and the pain in my hip has dulled slightly.

I slip my bracelet back on, eat my sandwich, and dispose of my cigarette butt before going back inside.

Pulling my cell out, I text Bella.

 **Hey, Bells. You mind if I go into your room? Just wondering what kind of books you got...**

 **10:13**

God, it's not even half ten. I guess I didn't really think about it when I said no to seeing Jacob today. What the hell have I been doing every other day? Cleaning my bike was one thing, and after yesterday I'm sure it could use it, as well as something for the scratches that I know will be there.

My cell buzzes as I boil the kettle, putting all of the dishes into the sink and stuffing the plug in. I take my cell out of my pocket and set it on the side as I read the message I got back.

 _No problem, I don't have anything that you'll find interesting if you taste in movies is anything to go on ;) but... I kinda have to warn you that if any of my books get bike dirt on them I'll have to kill you, cool? Xx_

 _10:17_

God, I hate it when people put kisses in texts, it makes me feel weird.

 **Thanks a bunch, Bells. Hey, I'll have you know I love any books, but if you have 50 Shades then I think I might die laughing at you... just a warning... I hope you don't for both our sakes... Also, I'll have you know my bike (when clean) is clean enough to eat off! How rude!**

 **10:17**

Kisses are weird to me because we wouldn't actually kiss if we were talking, so why do we have to reaffirm that we're close via text? I love her like I love the rest of the family and vice versa, but I wouldn't kiss her, so why?

I walk slowly up to her room, pushing the door open and walking in, heading straight to her bookshelves. She's got three enormous shelves full of books, she's got books on the floor, books on her bedside table. Everywhere. This is amazing. As I walk over to them all I laugh. They're in alphabetically order aside from the ones in a series which are in chronological order. Wow. And I thought I had a problem.

My hand finds a random book titled _Ketchup Clouds_ , so I shoot a quick message to Bella asking if it's any good and get one in reply telling me that she hasn't read it and that she got it for her birthday from someone.

Until one o'clock I sit, curled up on the couch, reading this book, and by the time I finish I'm crying my god damn eyes out. I just, I mean, there's no damn way to explain what I'm feeling now. I hate the book. No, wait, I love the book. Fuck, that was so horrible I think it was the best thing I've ever read. Holy shit, I'm in love with a character that I really should hate, it's like The _Hush, Hush_ Series all over again!

Crying, I text Bella again.

 **BELLS I HATE THAT BOOK. IT MADE ME CRY. I LOVE IT. IT'S AMAZING. YOU. NEED. TO. READ. IT. I'M STILL CRYING. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. I LOVE MAX. I LOVE AARON. I LOVE THEM ALL. WHHHHHYYYYYYYY. HOW COULD YOU BELLS? HOW COULD YOU LET ME READ THAT!? Oh, and is there a bus that goes into town? If there is, send me the directions to the bus stop? Thanks. THAT BOOK WAS AMAZING. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *sob* *sob***

So yeah, to say that the book made me a little emotional is an understatement. It tore my heart out, ripped it to shreds, then burned those shreds before pissing on them... then it sprinkled the remains onto a tree and waited for that tree to grow, only to burn it down.

Anyway, Bella replies, that she and her friends are laughing at my text and that she'll have to read this monster of a book, then she leaves directions to a bus stop but tells me that I shouldn't get on it since I should be in bed, resting. I shoot one back saying that I'll be fine and I'll be home in time to help with dinner. Then, I walk carefully up the stairs, hopping into the shower for a half hour, getting out and getting changed, trying my hair up and sticking a baseball cap on over it. Upon leaving the house, I see my bike. My front wheel is mangled beyond repair and god do I know I don't have the money to fix that. I need to get home from the airport in that and I don't have a front fucking wheel. I go back inside and grab one of the two fifty dollar bills that Tori left for me. Mom and the asshole will have to do without the TV for a month, and I'll do without hot water. Hell, this is my electricity bill for the month, I'll be lucky if I can raise enough for water.

Getting on the bus seems tricky as I've been instructed to use a walking stick or crutches for walking outside of the house. I don't have any crutches though so an old walking stick kept by the front door has to do.

An elderly man offers me a hand up and I take it, thankful. "Don't worry, I know what these death traps are like." He tells me, waving his own stick around with a smile.

I pay for my ticket before motioning to the seat beside the man. "You mind if I sit here?" I ask him. I smile as he shakes his head, telling me to sit right down. "Thanks." I reply, settling beside him with gritted teeth as my back pulls.

"Now, what's a girl your age doing with a walking stick?" He asks me, seeming to just be curious.

"I, uh, I drive a motorcycle and a hit and run driver rammed into me. Just having a little trouble with initial muscle pain is all." I learn that his name's Tannace and we talk for the five minutes that the bus takes to arrive into town before we part ways as he stays on the bus and I hobble off it, thanking the driver politely as I exit.

Great, in a town I don't know with no way of getting round. I notice a young woman standing with two small children, so I approach her. "Excuse me, ma'am. I'm sorry to bother you, I was just wondering if there's a mechanic around here?" I ask her, praying to god that there is.

She turns as I'm talking and smiles softly. "Sorry, hun, I'm new around here, but I can ask my boyfriend for you if you'd like? He's coming now." She tells me, and literally that second a tall, lanky man walks over and kisses her cheek. "Hey, baby, this girl was just wondering if there's a mechanic near by?" She questions.

He nods. "Sure is, Carter's down that road. Red pick up outside's 'is. Just knock and go right on in through the black door." He says, pointing down a street. I thank them both before hobbling away carefully.

It takes me five minutes to find 'Carter's' as there's not sign, just a big red truck, so I knock on the 'black door' which is actually a black wall, and that's just to get the guy's attention, unluckily for me, it gets everyone's attention. There are about twenty guys in there, each of them fat with hundreds of ugly tattoos and so many piercings that I can barely see their skin. "You lost, little lady?" One of the fattest ones asks me, leaning forwards over a dest to show his freakishly large clevage.

"Maybe, is this the mechanic?" I reply, trying not to let my voice tremble.

One of the others nods. "Yeah, I'm Carter, what can I do you for?"

"Do you have anything for dirtbikes?"

"Like what." One of the others asks. Shit, am I going to have to talk to each one of them just to get an answer?

"I need a wheel for a Yamaha YZ450F." I reply, shocking each of them as I actually seem to know what I'm talking about. "I took a run in with a car and it trashed my front wheel, so if you don't sell them then do you know who-"

"I know what you're looking for." Carter tells me, standing up on pudgy legs and stomping over to a wall of tires. He pulls three enormous car wheels and tires from the wall to reveal one single thin one. A bike wheel. My bike wheel. "You can have it for free since your medical bills look like they're gonna be piling up." He adds.

What? Do I really look that bad? "I'm not paying medical bills, a family friend's treating me." I reply, not wanting to take anything for free.

"Then just take it."

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"Because nothing's free in this world. And because you have a sign that say all the wheels and tyres are fifteen bucks each or twenty for the two."

"Well, I have a daughter your age, and if she came off her bike then I'd want someone to help her, so please, take it."

Ten minutes of arguing later I've got a wheel and tire and still got fifty two dollars in my pocket as I leave Carter's. Damn. I make my way back to Charlie's after going into the closest DIY store which is basically just their all purpose store here in Forks, and buy some soap, a sponge, the right kind of paint for my bike, and a varnish made for cars and other vehicles.

"Hey!" Someone yells out of their car window as I walk along one of the roads. I look briefly into the window to see someone. She's familiar but I can't place where I've seen her before, and I can't think of a name. "Hey, you're Bella's cousin, right?" She questions, pulling her car onto the curb and stopping it.

I stop and stand by her window. "Uh, yeah, have we met?"

"Yeah, well, no. I was one of the ones that came by to get her earlier."

"Oh, sorry! Yeah, hey, what's up?"

"Nothing, but you look like you're struggling. Get in." She tells me. And just like with Carter, I end up losing the argument, but this time because she gets out of her car and literally takes my stuff, putting it in the back seat before telling me once more to get into the car.

I climb into her small, shiny car, buckling my seat belt with a smile. "Thanks." I tell her.

"No problem. I'm Angela, by the way," She replies, smiling happily.

"River." I say, smiling politely back.

She starts driving and we say nothing to one another. "So, uh, what did you buy aside from a wheel, if you don't mind me asking." She asks me, nodding to the back seat.

"I got some soap, a sponge, paint, and varnish." I say in reply, but I realise that it's kind of a dull answer, and she's obviously trying t make conversation, so I expand. "Yesterday my bike took a car to its front wheel, so I've got the soap and sponge so I can wash it all down, I'm gonna try and fill the scratches in with a little bit of soldered metal and go over it with paint, then go over it all in the varnish to try to protect it. Oh, and the wheel I got 'cause my other's basically bent in half."

We end up talking the rest of the way back and I invite her inside, suspecting that she's waiting for Bella. She tells me that she's actually just been with Bella and the others but they went to the beach and she didn't really want to go. "Oh," I say, "Well I'd say you can stay anyway, but I guess it'd be really boring to watch me working on my bike, so, uh, I guess I'll see you around."

Angela nods in reply, smiling. "Sure thing. You should come with us next time Bella comes out, I think the others 'd like you." She tells me, waiting while I get my stuff out then driving off with a good bye.

The second I get inside I groan. The phone's blaring so damned loud. "Swan residen-"

"River?" Comes the one voice that I've been dying to hear all day. "Oh my god, River, you were hit by a car! Why the hell didn't you call me?" Jacob exclaims down the line.

"Jacob." I say, amazed that he's even given me a second thought.

He sighs down the line. "Yeah, it's me. I'm standing outside by the way. I was gonna shout you when I saw you getting out of the car, but then I thought that might be a little weird." He says, sounding a little embarrassed.

Holy shit. "You're here?" I question.

"Yeah, I'm here." He replies, and each word is punctuated with a knock on the door.

I can't help but smile as I slam the phone down on the receiver and walk as quickly as I can over to the door, shoving the stupid cane in the umbrella rack as I yank the door open.

Strong arms wrap around my waist and I'm literally swung into the air. I gasp as my feet leave the ground and Jacob stands up straight with my forearms braced on his shoulders with his forehead on my collarbone. "I heard you broke your glasses." He mumbles, sighing sadly for me.

I can't tell you how long Jacob stood in the doorway and held me like that, nor can I tell you why I even let him stand there and hold me like that, but I can tell you that he kicked the door closed and walked inside with me still in his arms before carrying me to my room and setting me on my bed before lying right beside me. Eventually, when I rolled onto my side due to the pain in my back, Jacob shuffled and pressed his muscular form against me, wrapping me up in his embrace. "You're like a hot water bottle." I tell him, grinning as he buries his face in the crook of my neck and laughs.

He grumbles against my skin, nodding before pressing his lips lightly against my shoulder, making me sigh and visibly relax in his arms.

"Why do I feel so safe with you?" I ask him. At the moment we're lying together with me on my good side with him spooning me from behind. His right arm is under my head with his left over my waist with out fingers interlinked. I've never lay like this, ever, and all of a sudden Jacob Black comes into my life and I'm calm, forgetting about all of my problems back home. Hell, they're San Francisco's problems now.

Behind me I feel Jacob shrug against my back. "I have no idea, but I'd kind of like to know why I'm acting so impulsively when it comes to you. I just feel this pull, forever telling me to be around you. I don't even care what we're doing, I think you could talk to me about really bad books by Shakespeare and I'd still want to be around you." He replies, placing his chin atop my head and tightening his muscular arms round my frame. "I feel so angry all the time with everyone, but I just feel so chilled around you." He adds in a whisper.

"The last man the I trusted with my heart was my father, and he shattered it by leaving me the way he did. I know it wasn't his fault, but I don't think I ever forgave him, and then there was Nate, my brother, who just left me there with my mom and her douche of a boyfriend. So, you, Jacob Black, baffle me. It's taken you less than three weeks to worm you way into my heart, and I don't know what I'll be like at the end of the summer when I move back to San Francisco." A fat tear falls down my cheek.

Quickly, as if he sensed my crying, Jacob rolls me onto my back before shifting to hover over me. "River," He whispers, softly caressing my cheek. "I'll never break your heart, I swear." He tells me, wiping the tear away with the pad of his thumb. Slowly, oh so very slowly, he lowers himself. I can feel every inch of his being pressed slowly against me, his enormous form hulking over my own, and yet I'm not scared, and I don't feel trapped. I feel something that I haven't felt for nine years: loved.

So, as Jacob's warm, full, soft lips press against my cold, chapped, rough ones, I sigh and close my eyes. The softest, most persistand heat spreads through me, travelling from my lips in waves straight down to where my toes curl as I slide my right leg up to cradle Jacob's hips. "Fuck," I mumble as I open my eyes, though it turns more into a sob.

Jacob pulls away from me, wide eyes gleaming down at me. "I'm sorry." He says, shifting straight away to clamber off me and the bed. Shit. "I shouldn't have kissed you, it was wrong, and I swear I won't-"

"Jacob, no, that's not what I meant." I tell him urgently, ensuring that he doesn't think I'm mad that he kissed me. "It's just that, well, that was my first kiss, and I was crying and sad, and I'm in pain, and you're so sweet and I bet you practically have girls lining up to kiss you. God, I bet it was crap and y-"

"Stop." He says, smiling a little before climbing back onto the bed. "I've only kissed one other girl in my life, and it was Bella when I was three. I mean, yeah, we may have gotten married that day with a gummy ring, but hey." He tells me, grinning and shrugging. "Oh, and it wasn't crap, and I don't have girls lining up to kiss me, but if I did, I'd still be here with you. So, would you object to me kissing you again now that we're both on the same page?" he asks me, reclaiming his place above me.

I shake my head, biting my lip to suppress a grin.

Jacob's big goofy grin is the last thing that I see before I close my eyes as he leans back down again. His lips meet my own and I can help but release the sigh that I didn't know I was holding.

Grinning against his lips, I push my hands up into his hair, running my fingers through the silky hair.

This is completely insane. This so isn't something I would usually do. I should do this more often. This feels so damn good!

As I kiss him, he kisses me back with equal enthusiasm, both of us emitting small gasps every so often.

We kiss a little while longer before Jacob begins to shift uncomfortably, telling me that nothing's wrong, but he's getting a little _too_ excited. I laugh it off, asking what he wants to do. His reply is anything, so I mention that I've got to work on my bike and that it'd be nice to have some company. So, here we are, sitting on fold out chairs, Bella's old paddling pool inflated with my bike in it so we can keep all of the parts together as I dismantle it, and so that we can keep the dirty water in one place.

"So, everything you know you learned by watching your father?" Jacob asks me as I take the faring from my bike, placing the plates to my right before looking across the small paddling pool at Jacob.

I shrug. "Most of what I know I learned after rallies. There are only so many times you can fall off before you have to take your bike in for repairs, so I figured that if I knew everything about my own bike that I could fix it up myself. I've had way too much time on my hands, but it's all paid off." I reply, smiling a little. "I guess I learned the basics from my father though, you know, like not to buy the average road bike and then take it off road." I add, shrugging again.

Jacob smiles, reaching out and nodding to the faring that I've just taken off. "Tell me what to do, it'll be quicker with two pairs of hands." He says when I raise a quizzical brow. So I do, I walk him slowly through the steps of getting all of the dirt out of the cracks and scratches like you would with an injury, then treating the metal and stripping the paint and so on. Yeah, I know, it's insane, but I strip the entire bike of its colour when I get a bad set of scratches, but I redo it in the exact same colour.

While Jacob does that, I start loosening pipes off, wiping them down with rags before taking a good look at them. Nothing's too busted up, but the faring from over my front wheel is mashed to pieces. It's nothing I can't replace, but it'll take me a while to raise enough money, and I wouldn't risk trying to raise the money in a rally since I wouldn't try one without the faring. "You ride in rallies?" Jacob asks me, looking a little stunned. I nod, saying nothing as I wrap my hand around one of the pipes, cloth in hand as I rub it roughly, up and down.

Smirking, Jacob raises a brow and nods at the pipe in my hand. It takes me a second, but I quickly realise that it looks like I'm jerking someone off. "Shut up." I grumble, putting the pipe down.

He helps me clean the rest of my parts off, and together we put the first coat of varnish over the now silver metal since the colour's been stripped. A few minutes later Charlie's cruiser pulls in. He grins at us as he gets out, telling us both that there's a bonfire down on the beach tonight for the tribe and friends. Looks like I'll be meeting them all then.

"How're all your bruises?" Charlie asks after a moment.

I smile. "They're actually okay. I mean, I get little twinges and the like here and there, but nothing major." I reply, shrugging lightly to make my point.

He nods, smiling a little himself. "Alright, well, I'll leave you two to it." He says, shuffling somewhat awkwardly inside before waving and closing the door behind him.

"So, what do we do now while we wait for that to dry?" Jacob asks me, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively in a playful manor.

I smirk a little. "Now we put all the pipes back together, by which time that will have dried. Then we paint over the varnish and put the pipes back onto the frame while the paint dries. Two coats of paint later, we put the faring back on and varnish it. Then we test it to make sure everything went on right." I reply.

So, we do just that, and while we're applying the final coat of paint, Bella's truck pulls onto the driveway beside Charlie's cruiser. She smiles as she shuts off the engine, getting out and waving. "Hey, guys, what're you doing?" She asks, still smiling, though I can see a glint of something in her eyes. Annoyance? No, it's not annoyance, it's something stronger, something deeper. I'd say jealousy, but that'd be ridiculous, no one gets jealous of me. Not usually, but I'm not usually laughing around with a smokin' hot guy with abs as hard as stone.

I'm reminded once again that Jacob was sure for almost two years that he was in love with Bella, and Bella isn't blind. If she wanted him, he'd go running.

There's a deep ache in my chest as I realise that no one needs me. No one needs me, and no one ever has really. No matter where I go I'm only temporary. The only reason my mother keeps me around is because she's too stoned or drunk to kick me out, and her boyfriend, Stu, knows that it's me who brings the money into the house, me who he can steal off to get his next fix.

I'm expendable.

"Just looking at River's bike after what happened last night." Jacob replies, snapping me out of my saddening little realisation. He smiles fondly at Bella, cutting into me like a blade. It doesn't matter that he was kissing me earlier, he loves her.

Bella smiles back, and I drop my gaze, becoming quickly interested in a single drop of paint that has dried mid-drip on the bottom the the faring for the back wheel. I grab one of the rough cloths as Bella makes some statement about how good Jacob is, and how lucky I am to have run into him. Jacob doesn't correct her by saying that he came here with the intention of seeing me, he merely grins that gorgeous grin and breaks my heart.

I work on smoothing out the droplet of dried paint, but doing so pulls something in my back. Pain free all day and my jealousy does this to me. I know that if I simply took off my silver bracelet for half an hour that all of my pain would fade to nothing, but it's simply not natural.

I stand abruptly, and when Bella asks what's going on and if I'm okay and Jacob stands, placing a hand on my arm, I shrug him off and walk past her, muttering "pain meds" on my way past.

Deep breaths don't work.

I gun it to the kitchen, opening the cupboard where Charlie keeps tablets. I rummage through the bottles, my breathing getting quicker, more panicked. Oh god oh god oh god. Where are they? Shit. The pain in my back intensifies and I can hear myself breathing, I can hear the fear even in my breaths.

"River, you alright?" Comes Charlie's voice.

I nod, turning to him. The motion makes me dizzy so I steady myself on the counter top, only to fall forwards to my knees. There's pain everywhere, and I suddenly feel fourteen again, waiting while a monster contemplated killing me or letting me live. "Pain," I gasp out, planting my hands firmly in the ground and closing my eyes, trying desperately to calm the fuck down.

Charlie curses, rifling through the cupboards, yelling for Bella and Jacob. They both come sprinting in. Bella starts helping Charlie look for my meds while Jacob scoops me up as if I weigh nothing, taking me straight to the couch and sitting me down. He kneels in front of me, trying to get me to copy his breathing. I try, I really do, but every time I slow my breathing, a new wave of panic hits me. Oh god, is this really how it's going to happen? Am I really going to hyperventilate until I pass out?

Wow, that's actually really lame.

Jacob tries to help, but I'm going to be honest, he's pretty useless right now.

With a moment of dizziness, I plant my hands on his shoulders to avoid toppling forwards and headbutting his crotch. He grabs my upper arms, and I can see his lips moving, probably giving me life saving advice, but I hear nothing, only the drastic thrumming of my heart, the blood pumping through my veins.

And suddenly Jacob's stood up, looking from left to right. Oh god, what's he going to do? Is this where he goes all 'it's for your own good' before knocking me out in a single blow to the back of the head? Fuck my life.

A look of determination crosses his face as he crouches back down, letting me screw my eyes closed and grip his shoulders again for support-

There's something warm on my lips.

I stop breathing entirely and my eyes fly open.

Jacob's kissing me. He's kissing me in the living room. I'm having a fucking panic attack and he's kissing me. What the actual fuck.

He pulls away quickly, looking at me with an almost fearful glance. "You okay?" He whispers, concerned.

"Why did you just kiss me?" I hiss as quietly as I can.

He looks utterly taken back. "What?! I just- I mean, hang on. I heard that it stops panic attacks, and when I asked you if it was a panic attack you didn't reply, and I though you were just going to faint or something, so I did it." He replies.

 _He may have been concerned over you living or dying, but he's still in love with your cousin_ that nagging voice in the back of my head snarls, chanting it as if it'll make me like him less. _Shut up_ I snarl back, praying for it to shut up. And I swear I'm not crazy.

I apologise to Jacob for snapping at him, letting him sit beside me with an arm over my shoulders as I steady my breathing, waiting for Charlie or Bella to come in with my meds. It's Bella who runs in with them, and this time her entire face contorts into a quick disapproving glance for less than a second as she catches sight of Jacob and me, but I don't give a shit as she hands me my meds and a glass of water. I take the two pills dry, chasing them down afterwards with water. "Bells, would you grab my messenger bag from my room please?" I ask her, knowing that my Ritalin and anti-anxiety meds are in there.

She nods with a fake smile, running off and coming back with my bag.

I don't open it since I know they'll see my cigarettes and stuff in there. I just feel around the bottom of the bag until my hand comes into contact with the three bottles of pills at the bottom. The third bottle is full of anti depressants.

A small part of me wants to laugh when Jacob tenses beside me, at the fact that he freezes when he gets a glance of the real me. _Bella doesn't need six pills a day to keep her sane_ the voice taunts. I don't care though, popping the caps of all three tubs and placing one of each pill in my palm, taking them dry before drinking some water. I stuff the bottle back into my bag, closing my eyes and taking deep breaths with a groan.

 _I'll bet Bella's never been depressed. Something tells me that she's got her perfect little human life all sorted out_ I'm getting really sick of that damn voice. _Everyone will be happy if she and Jacob get together. Don't you see the way they look at one another? Jacob would never look at you that way._ I only hate the voice because it tells me the truth.

 _Let me out._

I take two more pills, one more anti depressant and one more anti anxiety. They'll have me so far on cloud nine that the voice will be gone until they wear off, by which time it'll get it's wish of freedom as I sleep.

"Everything sorted?" Charlie asks.

My eyes snap open and I look up to meet his gaze. He obviously didn't see me taking anything. I nod. "All fine and dandy." I lie. "Sorry, I guess I should have warned you about panic attacks, huh?" I add, trying to sound upbeat and joking.

Jacob's and Bella's gazes burn into me, but I stand with my bag, apologising for the hassle as I pick up the pain meds and put them in my bag with the other pills. I take my bag into my room, effectively killing all other conversation. Once in my room, I pull the hair tie from my hair and close my eyes, sighing as I rub my scalp with a groan. It's gonna be a long summer if I can't even be around them when they're together.

 **Okay, so that's the end of Chapter Three. I don't know how you guys feel about the length of the chapters, I realise that this is only the third chapter so there's not much to go on, but this one is just about seven thousand words and the last two have been less.**

 **Oh, and the book mentioned (Ketchup Clouds) is a real book and I personally love it. I've forced it on multiple friends and they too think it's amazing, so I'm just throwing that out there to anyone who's looking for a good book.**

 **Review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I feel pretty bad about this chapter, essentially all of them are filler chapters until like Chapter Ten or somewhere around there, but in the fillers I've got to get you guys to like River, and to get the right feelings about the other characters, and that's pretty tough for me to do.**

 **Anyhow...**

I've never been to a bonfire before, and though the prospect of everyone sitting happily around an open flame excited something inside me, there was also the painfully obvious elephant in the room. And my feelings for Jacob just so happened to be the elephant stood between Bella and myself.

So, I gave Charlie some crappy cover story about needing to run the oil through my bike's pipes after taking it apart so that he'd let me follow the truck there. I couldn't have sat between him and Bella if you'd paid me.

I tried to be helpful and help prepare food with Bella, but we both basically ignored one another, and I couldn't help but wonder if she saw Jacob kiss me. Was she angry with me? She had a right to be angry with me, I'd kissed the guy that she obviously had a hold over. God, how could I do that to her? I feel like shit.

Anyway, I ended up almost slicing my hand in half -literally, I had to go to the local hospital to have them look at my hand. Thirteen stitches later though I'm as good as new. I don't know how I'll explain them not being there in the morning though.

After many painkillers I managed to convince Charlie that I was fine to ride my bike, telling him that it calmed me, and after today's hysteria with my panic attacks he said yes to anything that I claimed to be calming.

I quickly apply the last coat of varnish to my bike before we set off, letting it dry for only a few minutes before getting on. Thankfully, there are no plates where my legs go, so there's no risk of me getting the varnish on my legs or smudging the varnish on the bike. I thank god that someone's wiped down my bike jacket and the visor on my helmet as I sit on the seat and pull my helmet over my head.

Starting the engine, I kick the stand off and wheel the bike backwards only to feel it sag at the front.

I jump off it and curse. How the fuck did I forget to replace the wheel?

I wave Bella off, telling her to go and that I'll only be a few minutes behind.

She doesn't need telling twice and zooms away, her wheels practically skidding on the floor.

The second I know she's gone I tear my bracelet from my wrist, sick of being weak. I flip my bike over with ease, grabbing the right tools before loosening the right bolts and pulling the old damaged wheel from the bike's chassis and holding the new one in place. I feel all of my injuries knitting themselves back together quickly, so to ensure that I heal properly, I rip the knot in my stitches with my teeth before pulling them out entirely with no more than a wince.

I grab my two carabiners -basically two clips that you'd use to hold a bungee harness to the bungee cords- and use them to strap either side of my messenger bag's straps to the belt loops in my black skinny jeans before flipping the bike back over and shoving the tools away.

The power that floods my veins without the silver touching my skin is both incredible, and frightening, so I secure the bracelet back on, sighing as the strength leaves my body, leaving me entirely human once more as I swing my leg back to straddle my bike, taking off. I stand on my foot pegs, looking over the cars in front of me to see the truck. I squint, but see nothing, so I begin to weave through the traffic until I see the telltale orange that only Bella's truck can sport. I race over to it quickly, trying not to jump every time a car moves in my peripheral vision. By the time I reach the truck she's already moving quicker, so I slot in behind her, nodding my thanks to the car behind her for letting me in.

We reach the beach and its parking bay pretty quickly, but there are no spaces beside Bella's truck when she parks it, and I have an inkling that she parked like that on purpose to spite me. I park at the other end of the available spaces, quickly wrapping the bandages I discarded back around my hand in case Charlie, Bella or Jacob notice that my stitches are gone.

Bella and Jacob are nowhere in sight, but as I take my chains from under my seat and link everything together, I notice Charlie standing by the hood of Bella's truck, looking directly at me. He waves me over with a smile. I return his smile, wondering is his is fake, merely there to make me feel welcome. I walk over to him nonetheless, greeting him with another quick smile.

Together, we walk down and onto the beach. The first thing that I notice is Bella and Jacob walking together, literally side to side. He's got his arm over her shoulders and she's tucked herself into his side. I look away, finding it almost physically painful to watch.

I unhook the carabiners from my belt loops and my bag's strap, stuffing them under the bag's flappy lid.

"I know you met the Clearwaters last night, but come on, we'll introduce you without the blood and gore." Charlie tells me, nudging my shoulder lightly with his own before pointing to where Leah and Seth are standing with the parents and Billy, chatting away happily.

The second we come into view Harry and Billy light up, hooting like teenages and pulling a can of beer out of a cooler. "Come on, chief, it's Friday night!" Harry exclaims, smiling an adorable old man kind of smile that makes you want to cry.

Charlie smiles as we approach, taking the can from Harry and popping the top. "Now, I know you saw her yesterday, but anyhow, this is River." He says, stepping aside to reveal me. I smile and wave. "You know, minus the blood." He adds, taking a long pull from his can as we all laugh.

"I didn't see you getting out of the truck." Billy says, smiling politely.

"Uh, no, I followed on my bike." I tell him, scratching my neck a little like I do when I'm nervous. "Only three seats in the truck."

"You got back on that death trap?" Sue exclaims, looking like she might faint.

I cringe a little, but Charlie comes to my rescue. "She said that she had to make sure the oil was running through the pipes right since she and Jacob pulled the damn thing to pieces to check it was safe."

"Well, we're just glad that you seem to be doing alright." Harry says, cutting off whatever response Sue had brewing. Smiling, I nod to show my thanks.

For two hours I manage to avoid Bella and Jacob, but I don't manage to keep my mind off either of them. All the while I'm constantly thinking that I need to tell Jacob that he can't try to kiss me again, and that it would probably be best if I stayed away from him after fixing the two bikes up. In the end, I settle for telling Charlie that I'm going to take a walk to clear my head. He asks if I want him to get anyone to come with me, but I tell him that I'd just rather be alone. He understands but isn't happy as he lets me wander off.

No one follows me as I walk quickly along the length of the beach, thankful as the sand gives way to dirt, which soon becomes bark and leaves as the sandy beach fades into the woodland floor. It never ceases to amaze me just how the different places all link together in Forks, whether it be a beach and a forest, or a swamp and a meadow.

My feet drag me deep into the safety of the trees, far from humanity's evil stench.

With no time wasted, I find a tree that I deem suitable enough to hang about in and untie my leather and silver bracelet -not even remembering putting it back on as I slip it into my pocket before allowing the power to run through my veins, igniting a primal urge to release something from deep within. I use the sudden strength that I have to climb the chosen tree, smiling as I reach the height that all of the branches seem to meet at. It's like an entire new world up here with branches as thick as my hips, all close enough together that I could probably walk literally for miles and miles through the treetops.

That's not why I came here though. Everything underfoot is wet, so I know there's no chance of a forest fire or even of a small contained fire in these woods as I pull my lighter from my bag along with a cigarette. It might be a disgusting, expensive habit, but it's also a calming one. The thing is, I don't smoke for any reason other than enjoying the fact that I'm in control. I can control how much damage I allow them to do to me as I can simply put them out at any time, or simply not light one.

"You're becoming increasingly easy to find." Says a voice from beisde me.

She aslways finds me when I'm alone, so I don't jump. "Tori." I say in acknowledgement as I light it up. She sits next to me on the branch, her friend, Aaron, sitting on my other side. They both flinch a little as the lighter sparks, spitting a little before lighting the end of my cigarette.

"How're you feeling?" Aaron asks me, his dark skin almost blending with the bark on the trees.

I know he doesn't really care, but I answer anyway. "Fine. A little tired. Yourself?"

He smiles at my manners. "Perfectly well, thank you." He replies.

"What happened last night?" Tori asks me, cutting the bullshit. I relay the story of me getting hit then practically flying into another car.

Her porcelin white skin glistens in the moon light as her red curls frame her face, red eyes gleaming at me. It's hard to beleive that these two are killers when they're the only ones to have been looking out for me since my incident when I was fourteen. She pulls an envelope from her pocket and places it in my hands. "Lay it beside yourself tonight before the change." She tells me, and she and Aaron are gone, whizzing through the woods at an incredible rate.

I stuff the envelope in my bag, not so much as glancing at it again. They only use me because my scent masks their own, I know that, but as long as they carry on paying me I'll carry on doing their work.

The second my cigarette is out, I crush the burning tip between my fingers and stuff it into the small metal tin that I carry around. I leap from the treetops, literally leap, and land perfectly on my feet with a thud before making my way back towards the beech, lighting a final cigarette as I go. I manage half a mile before I notice someone walking towards me. A tall, shitless guy with bulging muscles and a ruggedly handsome look of rough about him.

He reaches me and smiles. I'm sure it's a winning smile, but I merely blow him off. I recognise him as one of the guys yesterday who picked my bike up for me. "Those things'll kill you." He tells me as I reach him. He turns and falls into stride beside me.

"So will hypothermia." I reply as I look him up and own, breathing the nicotine in.

A smile tugs at his lips, and he allows it to take over his face. "Touche." He says, plucking the cigarette from my lips and placing it between his own before I can protest. "I'm Paul." He tells me after exhaling and passing the small paper covered stick back to me.

"River." I reply, taking another drag as we walk. "Nice ink." I add, motioning to the tribal tattoo on his shoudler.

Looking down at it, he smiles proudly. "Thanks." He replies. "Let me guess, daddy's girl, waiting for the right time to rebel and get a flower inked into your foot?"

I laugh out loud. "You couldn't be more wrong, Paul." I tell him. "First off, Daddy's dead, has been for nine years. Also, I don't have anyone to rebel against that would consider it rebelling. And, I'll have you know that I have three tattoos, thank you very much."

"Three?" He questions, raising a brow. Nodding, I pull the hem of my shirt up to reveal the small, skelital bird on my left hip. "Are the other two in some place naughty?" He asks, moving his brows in mock seduction.

I shake my head, smiling. "Nah, they're just a little boring." I tell him, thinking of the quote I have on my back, and the other one which I just don't show people of a handprint, only it's got the claws of a beast. You can hardly see it most of the time since it's actually a little darker than my skin, but only a little. It lies on my back, just over my right shoulder blade -thankfully it's nowhere near as tacky as it sounds. The quote is on my left shoulderblade, perfectly placed to sit next to three long, thins scars that run from just left of the base of my skull on my neck, down to my spine between my two shoulderblades.

'Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes they win.' is the quote I've got, and it's a Stephen King quote, but I think it basically sums humanity right on up.

The words take up no more than two by five inches on my shoulder as I had them written in a small script, and the ink's pitch black so they stand out.

The 'zombie' bird on my hip as the tattooist called it, apparently symbolises that there is life after death, but that's not what it is to me. To me it means that even in death we don't find peace, and that a true death is hard to come by, as proven by the thick scar on my wrist and the other on my neck.

"I've only got the one." Paul tells me, pulling me from my thoughts.

Neither of us talk as we walk back to the beach, sharing my cigarette -which now I think about it is kind of weird- as we go. Right before we come into view of everyone else, I take a pack of mints from my bag, popping one in my mouth and offering one to Paul. He accepts it and walks with me over to where Seth and Leah are. He splits off just before we reach them, walking over to where Sam stands with a stunning woman who has three jagged lines along the left side of her face.

"What were you doing with Paul Lahote?" Someone asks as I sit beside Seth, waving at him and his sister in greeting. I look up to see Jacob and Bella watching Sam and Paul intently with Sam's girlfriend.

Why does Jacob care, he's got Bella. "I was thanking him for helping me yesterday." I lie, and honestly, I don't know why I lie, because my tone makes it sound like I was more than thanking him. "Why, is there something wrong with him?" I question, wondering why Jacob thinks he can control who I talk to.

"There's something wrong with Sam's entire group of morons." Jacob practically snarls in reply, giving them the stink eye.

I snort. "Well, I'd have agreed with you if he'd left me on the road, or if he'd left my bike to be crushed, but he didn't." I say, shrugging.

"Whatever, just stay away from them." He tells me, never making eye contact.

"Seriously?" I scoff. "Yeah, sure." I add, my tone dripping with sarcasm.

"I'm serious, there's something wrong with them."

"Why, because they're ripped and have tattoos?"

No one says anything, but I don't feel like I've won.

Slowly but surely, everyone gathers round the bonfire, waitng for Billy as he settles his chair and begins to talk. I listen intently as he tells stories about the tribe's ancestors, and of spirit wolves, much like the stories Jackson, a friend of mine, once told me, only Billy's are nowhere near as violent.

Once all of the stories of Taha Aki and others have been told, I excuse myself for another walk in the woods, and this time I see Paul walking about fifteen feet behind me, but definitely following me. No one can see my front, so I reach into my bag and pull out a cigarette and my lighter, placing the stick between my lips and letting it dangle until I walk into the confines of the woods.

"So, are you that guy that bums off everyone?" I question, turning to face Paul as I walk backwards.

He grins, a big wolfish grin and shakes his head, no. A second later he reaches into his cargo shorts and pulls out a cigarette. "Nah, but could use a light." He replies, nodding to my lighter.

I light my own and hold the small flame out between us. He steps forwards, leaning down with the cigarette between his lips as the flame catches, releasing coils of thick smoke. "What do you think?" He asks me, blowing a thin stream of smoke up to his left. "About the legends, I mean." He adds when I raise a brow.

Shrugging, I reply, "I've heard different ones from around where I live. But, what I couldn't grasp in your stories is what they actually are. I mean, I understand the myths behind lycanthropy, but the way Billy described these beasts made it sound like they weren't werewolves, but that they were something more. I mean, I know none of it's real because vampires and werewolves are kids bedtime tails, but if we're giving it all the benefit of the doubt here, then I want to know what the wolves are."

Paul grins, raising a brow. "So you're a freak on what, tribal legends?"

"Greek and Roman." I correct. "I was obsessed with Percy Jackson kind of books as kid that created these comforting adventures from mythology and took out every book in the library on myths and legends." He opens his mouth to say something, but I hold a hand up as my cell buzzes and apologise as I answer it.

 _"River, where are you? We're heading back."_ Bella says, sounding a little worried.

"I know my way back, you guys go." I reply. "Don't worry, Bella." I tell her as she starts to protest. I put the phone down with a huff as she begins to tell me how they're worrying.

"Werewolves." Paul says, grinning.

Huh? "What?" I ask, confused.

"In myths and stuff, werewolves were made to fight vampires and protect the people, so the spirit warriors were sent to protect people from the cold ones."

"You know, in some myths the vampires were sent to protect the people from the ravenous werewolves but were drawn to the blood of the ones they protected. It's a poetic tragedy." I reply, inhaling deeply. I glance up at the sky through a patch of open area in the treetops, and all I see is the moon, so full it's almost blinding to look at. "I should be going, I guess I'll see you around." I say, smiling politely.

"Wait, can I get your number?" Paul asks, grabbing my wrist as I pass him. When I look at him, he genuinely looks like he wants my number.

I sigh. "Why is it that when I come here all the cute guys seem to be really sweet and actually want to talk to me, yet at home they're all assholes?"

Paul shrugs with a grin, releasing my wrist. "Where do you come from?"

"San Francisco."

"Neat, I've always wanted to go there!"

"It's nowhere near as cool as the TV makes it out to be." I tell him, suddenly feeling bad when his face drops a little. "Well, some of it's a bit shitty, but if you ever find yourself up there then I could show you where they shoot some cool movies." I offer, trying to make it better.

He looks down at me. "I don't think I'm ever leaving here." He tells me sadly.

"What, not even for a weekend?"

He doesn't reply. I really need to go, but something's bugging me. "Why does Jacob hate you guys so much?" I ask, because they all seem like nice guys.

"We've been keeping an eye on him. He keeps getting really angry all the time, so we're just making sure that he doesn't blow up at someone, but he seems to think that we're trying to pull him into a life of crime." Paul replies with a shrug.

I pull a pen out and ask for his hand. He holds out his left hand, palm up, so I hold it in my right hand and scrawl my number with my left. "You best not leave me waiting for a call, Lahote." I say, smirking as I walk away.

He grins. "I'd never keep a pretty girl waiting." He replies, blowing smoke through his boyish grin as I walk off.

Turning away from him, I concentrate on not falling over as I walk. By the time I make it to my bike, the parking lot's empty, aside from a tall black man with dreds and a slender woman with fiery red hair and porcelain skin. Tori and Aaron. I know they're not their real names, but they're the names they gave me.

Tori's sat on my bike and Aaron's leaning against the front. Great, it'll stink like them for days now. "Hey," I say as I near them.

They look up, both of them smiling at me lightly. "I don't think you'll make it home before the moon pulls you in." Tori tells me, her smile dropping. "All because you wanted to flirt with a mutt."

A mutt? Whatever.

"I'll make it." I tell them. "I have to, otherwise my uncle'll send a freakin' search party out."

Sighing, Tori gets off my bike and walks over to me. "I don't know why you try so hard. You could achieve so much, and yet you rein it in."

She and Aaron are gone within a second. Why do they never give me time to reply? It's just rude. I snarl and swing my leg over my bike, unlocking the chains and shoving them in my bag for now. I strap my bag back to my belt loops before pulling my helmet on and wheeling backwards.

The roads are quiet at this time of night, so I shoot back as quickly as I can, off-roading over central reservations when I'm certain no one's watching.

No one's up when I get in, so I go straight to my room, passing where Jacob's sleeping on the couch. I strip and change into my sports bra and shorts, taking all of my bracelets off and pulling the tie out of my hair. I grab the bottle beside my bed and tap out two of the sleeping pills.

I take them quickly, counting backwards from one hundred out loud.

"Fifty three, fifty two, fifty four, fifty three, wait, no, fifty one and half, fifty two and-" Darkness.

Pain.

Bones.

Breaking.

Blood.

Screams.

Ripping.

Wolves.

Stench.

Death.

When I wake I'm naked, my sports bra and shorts lying beside me with an envelope.

I pull the two articles of clothing on quickly, seeing the dried blood on my hands right away. Fuck. I make my way unseen into the downstairs toilet, washing my hands in the small sink, checking the rest of my body for blood but coming up trumps. "Thought you were meeting a friend today." Comes a deep voice as I exit the bathroom.

Jacob. Shit, I told him I was meeting Tori today. I shrug. "I saw her last night so she cancelled." I tell him, praying that he doesn't ask any questions.

He nods. "Well, Bells's off with some friends and Charlie's gone hunting or fishing with my dad and Harry." He tells me.

Is that supposed to mean something to me? "Cool." I say, making my way back into my room.

Jacob follows me. "Why did you hang around with Paul again after I-"

"After what, after you warned me to stay away from a guy but didn't give me a reason why? Listen, Jacob, you're a good guy, and usually I'd trust your judgement, but he's nice too. He wasn't a dick, he was sweet." And shit, he said he'd call me.

"Did you make out with him too?" He snarls, stepping into my room.

I face him, pissed. How fucking dare he. "No, the most contact we made was me writing my number on his palm. Oh, and I'll fix your bikes, but after that I think we should keep our distance." I snap in reply.

"Why, so you can be like ever other girl around here and fuck Paul-"

"You think I'd have kissed you if I wanted to fuck Paul? Yeah, he's hot, and he's got that bad boy thing going for him, and yeah, he's cute and buff, but I don't make a habit of going places and fucking the locals."

"Yeah, well-"

"You can't lecture me on anything when you kiss me and you're still in love with my cousin! I will not be some asshole's summer fling!" I yell, losing it. "You two are fucking made for each other, so let me do the right thing, let me step aside." A fat tear rolls down my cheek. I will not cry in front of him.

I turn away from him and grab a pair of socks and a hair tie. I scrape my hair back with my fingers and pull the socks on, shoving him aside so I can get to my shoes. "I don't love her." Jacob says weakly. I don't reply. "I don't want you to be a summer fling, I want you to stay. I want you to suddenly announce one day that your brother has taken your mom and step dad in, I want you to tell me that you're staying. I want you to give us a chance."

"There is no 'us', Jacob. I'm not a car, I can't be fixed. I'm broken, and I'm meant to stay that way because my mom needs me. You know why she needs me? Because she knows that I'm the one she needs to steal off to get her drug money." I tell him, turning with tears running down my cheeks. "I dropped out of school when I was twelve years old for that woman, and do you know what I did? I fixed my dad's old bike up because we needed the money, not because I enjoyed it. I raced for my life in rallies because I was too young to be hired in any damn job. I'm the only person keeping her alive, so there's no chance that I could ever stay here, hell, she's probably already blown all the money I left her for the whole three months."

He tries to reach out to me, he tries to take my hands, but I move and yank my sneakers on before literally sprinting out of the front door.

My feet pound the road as I run across it and straight into the woods. I feel like I might vomit after telling Jacob all of that. I run faster than I ever have before, leaping fallen trees and skidding in the dirt. My breathing picks up, and I know what it means, I know that without my silver I'm helpless, but I don't slow down. I can't slow down.

I'm not sure when the changes takes over, but I don't stop it. Power courses through me, anger, rage and an unforgiving pain ripple through my veins, reminding me of the real reason that I must leave Forks. Reminding me of just how deadly I am. Reminding me of my curse.

 **Okay, I don't actually have a word count on my laptop, so I don't know how many words are in this chapter, but I do know that it's almost certainly below five thousand. I'm sorry, but I thought this was a really nice place to end this one, so actually I'm not sorry. I am hungry though. I'm always hungry, so that's nothing new.**

 **Anyhow... review and if anyone has any suggestions for anything then please do share and I can re-write bits to try to incorporate what you guys want when I read over the rest of the chapters!**


	5. Chapter 5

**So, Chapter Five is nigh.**

 **This is the shortest chapter yet and possibly the shortest of them all so I'll try to get chapter six up quickly!**

 **Anyhow...**

Turns out that it was midday when I ran from the house the other day, and I got back at half past seven to Bella and Charlie, both sitting on the couch, ready to yell at me about how angry they were and how worried they were. Whatever. But, neither of them yelled, they both shot up and hugged me. I don't know why they hugged me, but they did. Maybe it was my blood covered knuckles from where I'd decided to take my anger out on a tree, maybe it was my tear stained face, or maybe it was that I practically broke down in their arms.

Whatever their reasons, I'm thankful.

Paul called, but I ignored my cell, staying in bed for the rest of the day. I slept the entire night and all through the next day. I wanted to ask if Jacob had called, but after how I treated him, I knew he wouldn't have.

Bella sat with me all night when I began to cry, and she told me that Jacob had still been there when they got back, and that he told them about my mom doing drugs, and how I haven't been in school for five years, and everything else that I'd trusted him with, so when I'd finally left my room to make a sandwich, Charlie exclaimed that he was confused, raising his hand. I flinched, and then they both suddenly understood why, so they sat with me while I told them about my step father's heavy handed approach on discipline.

This morning Bella and Charlie woke, still in my room. Bella was laid across the bottom of my bed while Charlie was in an old armcahir that looked literally over one hundred years old. I said nothing to either of them. I flinched when Bella touched my shoulder, panicking for no reason.

Charlie cancelled his plans to go to Seth's birthday party, apologising to Billy and Harry over the phone and telling them both that he had to stay here. I heard him mention that I wasn't doing well, and that he'd seen evidence of self harm, so I covered my wrist and pulled a hoodie on to cover the scar on my neck.

For the first time in my life, I couldn't care less about my mother. If someone rang me today and told me that she'd died, I don't think I'd react at all.

Half an hour ago there was a knock on the door, one which Bella answered while Charlie went up for a shower. And ten minutes ago in walked Paul Lahote, sweaty, wet from the rain, and shirtless. I didn't look at him, but I knew it was him from his scent and the glance of him I got in my peripheral vision.

"I don't know what's wrong with her." Bella whispers.

Paul snorts and crouches beside my bed, trying to get me to look at him. He smiles sweetly when I finally meet his gaze. "You were unresponsive for over six months, Swan, and you're telling me you don't know what's wrong with her." He replies, reaching slowly to brush a stray strand of hair from my cheek. "Her heart's broken." He mutters softly, his tone so warm and destroyed.

I screw my eyes shut, tears leak out though anyway. I flinch as his fingertips brush my jawbone, but I don't try to get away.

"You said she takes pills, what kind?" He asks her, though he's still looking at me, I can feel his gaze.

Somehow, I find my voice, surprising them both. "Anti depressants, anti anxeity, Ritalin for my ADHD, and sleeping pills at night."

"Anti depressants, they the good ones?" Paul asks me in reply, telling Bella to get them. She finds my bag, gasping at the cigarettes, but Paul merely snaps that they don't matter, that my pills do. She hands him all of the bottles since none of them have labels. I tell him that the blue ones are anti depressants, and no they're not the good ones. "Well, thay're a start. A crappy start, but a start nontheless. How many?"

I reply that I have two, so he takes three out, telling me that he knows about these and I'll be fine. I don't care if I'll be fine or not, so I take them anyway, sniffling and opening my eyes.

"Now, I've had my fair share of shitty parents, wanna swap stories?" Paul asks me, shifting me so that he can lie in the remaining room on my bed.

I don't object as he lies me on my side, putting a large muscular arm under my head and gently placing my head on his chest, my hands clasped together on his abdomen. "When I was ten," He starts, and he tells me about the first time that his father struck him. So in reply, I tell him about the first time that my step father beat me unconscious. He tenses and literally growls as I tell him each painful detail of how many bones were broken and stuff like that.

"I know you don't want to eat, but you have to." Paul tells me an hour or so later.

For some reason, I let him help me stand, and I let him keep his arm around my shoulder, securing me to ensure I don't fall. He sits me at the table, asking Bella what we've got. She asks me if I'd like some curry since I didn't get any the other night. "She doesn't _want_ anything, she just needs to eat. If she likes it then that's what she's having." Paul tells her, seeming like he's been through this before.

Was my mom right, am I actually sinking into depression? No, this is bullshit. I'm just having a few shitty days, and when I get back to San Francisco everything will go back to normal.

Bella sticks some rice and sauce into the microwave, telling Paul to take it out after three minutes, check if it's done, then put it back in for another four before she retreats upstairs.

"Now then, little bird," Paul says, grabbing my attention. "I don't think you're depressed, I think that everything seems to have caught up to you all at once, so you're going to eat this without complaint, then me and you are going to do something to raise your adrenaline levels, like cliff diving or something."

He follows Bella's instructions, swearing like a trooper when he burns himself on the plate. I'm up in a flash, taking it from him before placing it down on the table and taking his hands into my own. He seems shocked by my actions, but it's in my nature to help people when they're hurt.

Paul tries to yank his hands away from me, but I clutch them tighter as I watch the red blisters fade before my eyes.

I look him in the eyes, he looks mad. "You're like me," I breathe out, amazed.

His angry gaze falters, giving way to confusion.

I can't help it. I laugh.

"Holy shit, I thought it was just me!" I exclaim, stepping away from him and sitting down.

"Eat." He says, taking a seat next to me. "Eat and we'll talk after."

I eat. I feel as if I'm going to be sick, and everything tastes bland, but I eat.

Paul gives me enough time to brush my teeth before he's ushering me out of the house, telling Bella that he knows how to make me better. Once we're the other side of the door I tell him that I know it's bullshit and that he wants to know what I know.

We get into his car, and ten minutes later, I don't feel so chipper anymore. I'm always like this the day after the change and for a week or so after, but this is worse than before. He drives through the woods for a while until we come to a house, much like Jacob's in the sense that it's a wood cabin, tucked away in the wilderness.

"Sam!" Paul booms the second he's out of the car, I make to get out but he stops me, telling me to sit tight for a second.

A second later, Sam and another guy come out of his house, followed by Sam's girlfriend from the bonfire. All eyes instantly lock onto me and Paul starts talking to them in a hushed whisper, too quiet for even my ears. I wait a few minutes before Paul looks at me, nodding for me to get out. I do as he tells me and walk over to them.

"What did you mean when you said that I'm like you?" Paul asks me, four pairs of eyes awaiting an answer.

I shrug. "You healed really fast, like I did." I reply, not wanting to give anythng away if they aren't like me.

"How fast do you heal?" Sam asks me, his gaze not as soft as before.

"Well, I healed fully from the car accident the night after the full moon." I tell them, but what do they want, a formula?

Sam nods. "So, you're like us, but how? You're female."

I snort. "Gender doesn't matter. You get bitten and you turn, simple as." I reply.

"Bitten?" Paul asks, raising a brow.

"Yeah," I reply, moving my hair to show the bit scar on the right side of my neck. "Oh, are you guys pure bloods?" I ask, only ever having heard about pure bloods, never having actually met one.

"Pure blood whats?"

"Wait, what are you guys?" I ask, taking a step away. "Something tells me we're all on a different page."

Sam, Paul and the other guy share a look before Sam steps forwards, I take another step back in response. "Don't freak out." Paul says as Sam kicks off his shorts, revealing- fuck, revealing everything!

I put my hand up to cover my eyes. "The fuck's wrong with you?" I snarl, but then there's a sound, a wooshing sound of sorts.

"Look again." The other guy says.

"He's put his junk away?" I ask.

"Don't worry." Sam's girlfriend says, a slight laughter to her tone.

I see why when I pull my hand away. "Dude, I thought pure bloods were scary, not overgrown dogs!" I exclaim, unable to hold in the laughter that bubble within me. "I'm so damn proud to be a half-blood right now!"

"We showed you ours, now you show us yours." Paul says, smirking at my reaction.

"Can't." I tell them, my laughter stopping. "Nothing here to trigger it. I mean, I could half turn, but that's boring, I mean, you guys probably do th-"

"What's a half turn?" The other guys asks. "I'm Jared, by the way."

"Hey, Jared, I'm River." I reply. "You guys don't know what a half turn is?" I ask as Sam turns back, I cover my eyes again until I'm told it's safe and he's got his shorts back on. "Any of you got a lighter? It's so I can show you the half turn." I say, waiting and thanking Jared as he supplies one from his pocket. I feel dumb for saying half turn so many times. It's making it lame before it's even happened. I feel like I should rename it to something cooler. Christ, half phase just sounds really bad. Like, really fucking bad.

I catch it as he throws it to me and flick the lid open, striking the clicker. The flame is large, so I hold my left hand over it, lowering my hand until the flame curls around the sides of my palm. I hiss and snarl as it burns me, falling to my knees as my other side pushes against me. Pain radiates through me and my breathing becomes ragged as my fangs force their way into my mouth and as my nails elongate into claws.

When I finally slow my breathing, I stand again, throwing Jared his lighter back. "You've never been like this before?" I question, knowing that my eyes will be black by now.

The five of us talk for hours and hours until we've compared every aspect of our other sides, I tell them that no one else can know what I am, not even others of their kind, and so they all swear not to tell anyone. Paul drives me back to Bella's and Charlie's place -minus the claws, fangs and weird black eyes- just in time for dinner, by which time I'm feeling a little better. But, as soon as my mind drifts to Jacob, all I feel is pain once more. "Stay out of trouble, little bird." Paul tells me as I climb out of his car and head towards the house. He calls me that because of my tattoo.

I nod with a small smile as he goes. My smile is so fake that it practically hurts.

 **I know this one's really short, but the next few are going to be kind of small in preperation for a large one -over ten thousand words, is that large? Well it is for me. Anyhow, just bare with me.**

 **Also, I'm asking now because I haven't written one yet, but does anyone think that they'll want an epilogue? I'm only asking because the rest of this fic is already written and I'm just reading through it so with the advance I might be able to write it up and post it fairly shortly after the final chapter.**


	6. Chapter 6

I finally got my new glasses which thankfully ended up being my same battered old frame just with new lenses fitted into them. I've only got one month and a half left here, I called Jacob to apologise, but he never picked up. I hung out with Paul for a few days, but he fell quickly off the radar and I didn't try to contact him again. I stopped by Jacob's and Billy's place, knocked on, prepared to tell Jacob everything just to get him to understand, only to have Billy open the door and tell me that Jacob was sick and couldn't be around anyone. I knew it was bullshit but went away anyhow. I called one more time and left a message telling Jacob that I wasn't going to bother him again. So I stopped calling after that. I knew when I wasn't wanted.

Charlie and Bella seem to be walking on eggshells around me, never mentioning Jacob unless I brought him up first -which I don't do.

Bella went round to the Black's place the other day to see how Jacob was, but she came back angry, snarling about him joining the asshole pack, getting his hair cut and getting a tattoo.

For the past three days Bella and I have been hanging around with one of Jacob's old friends Quil, since Jacob and their friend, Embry, have ditched him. Today it's just me and Quil, so we're wandering around the Rez near his house. Sadly for both of us, that also happens to be near Jacob's house.

Quil ducks his head as we walk, and across the street I notice a group of tall, shirtless guys all laughing and shoving one another dangerously close to the traffic which whizzes by. "Ignore them." I whisper to Quil, smiling reassuringly to show that he's not alone. He smiles back lightly and nods, but the group soon grow quiet, having noticed the two of us.

We're out to grab stuff from the grocery store for Bella so she can make dinner for me, her, Charlie and Quil tonight. We're having curry, which makes me happy.

"River!" Jacob booms across the road.

I huff and ignore him, grabbing Quil's hand and tugging him to walk faster. Jacob yells me a few more times but stops when I stick my middle finger up at him over my shoulder. A hand grabs my shoulder a second later, I spin, genuinely ready to punch Jacob in the god damn face, but it's Paul. "What?" I snarl.

"Uh, hey, Jake says-"

"I don't care what Jacob says. Tell him he can shove it up his ass." I say, interrupting Paul and turning away. Quil and I wander into the store with no more interruptions from Jacob and the others.

"How did my friends become such dicks?" Quil asks me with an awkward chuckle, dropping my hand. I don't reply, but I don't think he expected me to. We grab everything that Bella's put on the list for curry. Neither of us speaks much as we round the store, Quil throws a bag of pork crackling in and I add a tub of Ben & Jerry's Half Baked Cookie Dough and Chocolate Fudge Brownie flavoured ice cream, laughing at Quil's bewildered expression. I assure him that it's good and he should try some later.

We walk back to Charlie's and Bella's since we walked to the store, but right outside the door is Jacob Black. He's standing shirtless in a pair of cargo shorts, leaning against the door frame with a slightly pissed expression on his face. "You wanna talk to him?" Quil asks me.

"No, but it doesn't look like I've got much of a choice. You mind taking the bags in to Bella?" I reply, smiling softly. He smiles in reply, taking the grocery bags from me before passing Jacob, never making eye contact as he goes.

"So, I considered shoving what I tried to tell you-"

"What Paul tried to tell me."

"Fine, I tried shoving it up my ass like you suggested, but that didn't get me anywhere, so I figured I'd come and annoy you here until you talk to me."

"You're the one who's been avoiding me, Jacob, so don't play it off as you're the one who-"

"I've been sick."

"Oh, did your sickness stop you from picking up the phone? Sorry, did it stop you from sending a text to Bella? She's been worried sick, you ass!"

"Bella?" He snarls, pushing off the wall and coming closer to me. "You're telling me that Bella's been worried sick when you've been hanging around with Paul, then Quil, then no one for a while. I get it, you crave attention, but when people give it to you, you shrink back and turn into the victim-"

"Go fuck yourself." I snarl, opening the door and walking in. He follows me in, forcing the door open as I try to close it.

"She tried to get you to bed yet, Quil? Watch out with this one, she's wild-"

"What the fuck is your problem!" I bellow, not caring that Charlie can see and hear. "Do you get some sick thrill out of telling people shit about me, shit that I trusted you with? Yeah, is that it? Just stay the fuck away from me or I swear to god I'll-"

"You'll what!" Jacob snarls. "You'll curl up in a little ball, too scared to move. Isn't that what you always do? Paul says you just lie down and take it, let your step dad beat you into hospital. And you say I'm the one who gets a kick out of sick shit-"

I did it. I really did it. I just punched him.

A sickening crack alerts me that it's official, I've broken his nose.

Paul and Sam literally run in, grabbing Jacob as he starts shaking wildly, yelling profanities as they drag him from the house, apologising.

"Cracking left hook." Charlie complements while we all stand, open mouthed. Even I can't believe what I've just done. "I'll have to have a word with Billy about that boy."

I wrap my arms around my middle. "For the record, the taking him to bed comment was bull, oh and sorry for the swearing." I say, curling my hands into fists so no one can see as my claws push through due to the anger and me not wearing my silver for a few weeks.

"You alright?" Quil asks, looking genuinely concerned. I nod in reply, saying that I need to use the bathroom. I know they all think I'm going in there to cry, but they couldn't be more wrong. The second I'm in there I lock the door, unclenching my fists with a smirk as I wonder what Jacob would have said had he seen these. I take my glasses off, looking with perfect eyesight into the mirror before me before slipping them back on as I calm down. I do need to bitch at Paul though. We had a heart to heart and he spills my shit to Jacob of all people.

I grin down at my hands, smirking as the voice of the monster whispers that Jacob would run for his damn life if he could see us now. My cell buzzes in my pocket, I pull it out and see a message from Paul.

 _I'm sorry, little bird._

 _14:06_

He's sorry? Oh, well isn't that fabulous Everything will be perfect now that Paul's sorry! Asshole.

I get ready to type a reply but get another message.

It's a picture of his hand holding two cigarettes and a lighter with a caption.

 _Smoke?_

 _14:06_

Why I don't just tell him to go fuck himself I don't know, but I don't reply as I exit the bathroom saying that I'll be back in five minutes. The others think that I need a minute to compose myself and let me go with a quick warning of keeping safe as I go.

My feet carry me into the woods, seeming to know the way to wherever Paul is. The beast must have recognised something about the photograph that he sent because soon enough Paul comes into view... with Jacob. "Really?" I exclaim, throwing my hands in the air and turning around.

"Wait! He was just leaving, right, Jake?"

"No, River, please talk to me. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I walk off as I hear Jacob's heavy feet fall behind me.

"Tell her, Black!" Paul snarls, and I hear the sound of skin meeting skin, maybe shoving one another. "River, please, just listen to me if you won't listen to- Jake, don't!"

A hand clamps on my shoulder. Jacob's hand.

I spin, ready to throw a punch, but he catches my fist. The beast screams for blood. Every muscle in my body tenses, preparing for attack. "Let go of me." I say, my tone as even as I can keep it.

"Just listen to me." Jacob replies, looking nothing like the angry prick that just forced his way into the house. "I'm sorry for being a dick, I really am, I'm just so angry all the time. I wasn't lying a few weeks ago when I said that you kept me calm, but things got weird with us and I don't know why. Sam told me this morning that you know about the wolves and it made me so fucking mad that I didn't get to tell you, and then I saw you with Quil and you guys were holding hands and I swear I wanted to rip his fucking head-"

"Is there a point to this? You know I'm not an anger counselor." I snap, tugging to free my arm, only to have Jacob's grip tighter as Paul turns and walks into the depths of the woods, leaving the two of us alone.

"I've been a real dick to you, and you deserve to know why." Jacob says, his eyes boring into my own. "Please."

Sighing, I stop trying to tug my arm away. "Can't we talk some other time, maybe sometime other than when I just punched you in the face." I suggest with a huff.

Jacob slowly releases my wrist, watching me through cautious eyes as if I might try to sprint off. "You're leaving in a month, we don't have enough time to be postponing stuff like this." He replies, taking a step closer to me. He looks utterly hurt as I take a small step back from him. "I didn't mean any of what I said, I'm really sorry. This is going to sound crazy, but it wasn't me talking, it was the wolf. Sometimes when I'm thinking about something-"

"It twists your thoughts, manipulates you into saying things that you don't think you mean, but the more you think about it, the more you realise that the beast's just a harsh realist?" I question, knowing all too well what he means.

He nods, a small sad smile on his lips. "Yeah, but I don't think he meant it either, it was just trying to hurt you and trying to get me angry enough to act." He tells me, suddenly back to my sweet, innocent seeming Jacob. "Sam and Paul said you understood more than I'd think, but I don't think I understand half of it, I'm just repeating what they told me."

"Did they tell you why I understand?" I question, feeling pissed that they may have broken our promise so soon.

He shakes his head in reply. "No, they told me that was something you'd tell me when you thought it was right for me to know."

I nod. "Well, uh, I've got to get back inside. Curry for dinner, and since I took a car to the face last time and missed it, I'm dead set on eating as much of this one as I can." I say, trying not to get all awkward all of a sudden, but I do anyway.

Jacob nods. "Sure, yeah, but just so you know, I'm planning on climbing through your window tonight, so don't lock it." He tells me, scratching his neck while blushing. I ask him why he's planning on coming through my window and he just smiles, telling me that he's got to get me alone somehow.

After what Jacob said to me, I want to scream, to yell -also to ask why his nose looks fine- and to kick and throw things at him, but instead I tell him that I'll see what I can do about my window before turning and walking away. He doesn't stop me this time, though I can practically feel his gaze glued to my back. Some part of me questions whether I'm ready to forgive him, and if I'm ready to forgive his wolf. I realise quickly that I'm so used to the term 'wolf' or 'beast' that I didn't even pick up on the fact that Jacob's just told me that he's one of them. Holy shit.

When I push the door open, Charlie, Bella and Quil all shoot me reassuring gazes. I smile back as best I can, which is actually a bit crap, but they take it anyway.

With intense supervision, Bella lets Quil and I help by cutting the chicken, but it soon turns into a massive laughing fest as Quil keeps slipping with the knife, cutting ridiculously small pieces off. Soon enough Bella ushers us out of the kitchen, telling us that she'll do the rest and it'll be done quicker.

Quil and I take refuge on the couch, one of us at either end with our feet occupying the middle cushion. Charlie's in his armchair while the three of us watch a game of football. Billy and Harry would usually come round for the game, but Harry's been into hospital today for someone to check out his heart condition, and Billy says he's got to stay home with Jacob. So it's the four of us, then Bella's two girl friends Jess and Angela are coming round to watch movies while Charlie heads out for a late shift.

My cell buzzes, and I know it's Paul, because only he and Bella text me. I unlock it and peek at the message, smiling lightly.

 _Sorry about earlier, little bird. Fancy a smoke after dinner? Just text me when you're done and I'll be outside._

 _18:35_

I shoot one back, telling him that he's not yet forgiven, but if he provides me with a smoke later then I may drop all charges of ignoring him. I get one back saying that he'll bring me a cigar if that'll make me stop hating him. I tell him that I don't hate him, smiling as I imagine the lazy grin that he's probably sporting.

Paul and I converse until Bella yells that the food's ready, so I text him, saying that I'm off to eat, and he replies telling me that he's hungry and wishes he was eating.

We all eat like ravenous animals, but I still manage to eat the least out of everyone, though I do eat a lot of food anyway. Even Bella makes me proud.

When we're all finished Quil offers to do the dishes, so I say I'll help him. We take literally half an hour to wash and dry the dishes, and thankfully neither of us hurt ourselves or one another with the knives.

Jess and Angela arrive shortly after we're done with the dishes, by which time Charlie and I are arguing over football. "No, you're wrong, River, the Forty Niners are just-"

"No, they're amazing, so yeah they lost this game, but by one point! And what did your team lose by, fifty something?"

And so it goes on.

Charlie leaves at eight for his shift, telling Bella and me that he'll be back early in the morning and not to have any crazy parties. I use his departure as an excuse to leave the house, telling the others that I need to run the oil through my bike. I thank god that Quil wasn't Jacob's friend that knows about bikes, because he one hundred percent bought my bullshit story.

I drive into the woods before texting Paul, telling him to find me. He sends one back saying that he'll be in wolf form when he reaches me, so not to scream. I wonder what colour his fur is? I'll bet he's black, like Sam, or maybe he'll be red. Not like, actual red, but a calm kind of russet red with a bit of a smooth brown kind of colour.

Some small part of me is disappointed when a silver-ish grey wolf steps into view, but I laugh as I see two cigarettes poking out of his mouth. "Nice one, Paul, but do they light with slobber all over them?" I question, grinning. He shrugs his shoulders and stands next to me. He holds his head out to me, so I take the cigarettes from him and tell him to go behind a tree and change back.

They're surprisingly dry as I hold them in my hands while I wait for Paul. He comes back a second later with shorts on and a lighter in his hand. "Nice bike." He says, nodding at it.

I look down and grin. "Thanks." I reply, sparking up the smokes. There's an awkwardness to our conversation tonight, and while we smoke we say nothing to one another. "Are you alright?" I ask as we stub both cigarettes out. He gets jumpy, looking at me before looking quickly away, toying with his hands.

"When you look at me, what do you see?" He asks me, not bothering to answer my own questions.

Huffing, I reply. There's no use going quiet because he won't answer my question. "I don't know," I reply, looking up at him. "I guess I see you, you're Paul, I don't know what you want me to say."

He groans and runs a hand through his hair. "Okay, I'll tell you what I see when I look at you, then you do me, okay?" Does he reaslies how weird he sounds right now? "Okay, so you're insanely beautiful, you love so very fiercely. You're strong and brave, you smoke on occasion with me. I've never wanted anyone so bad in my entire life, but I can't have you." His voice turns into a snarl at the end and he begins to stalk towards me.

Soon enough his gaze becomes predatory and almost scary. "Paul, what are you-"

"Why does he get everything handed to him?" He snarls, throwing his hands up into the air. "I saw you the day you came into town but I stayed away 'cause they said that little fuck'd be with you. Now, now he treats you like trash and I can't do shit because of the fucking imprint. I can't even fucking kiss you because of him!"

I gasp. "Paul, who are you-"

"Jacob Fucking Black gets everything!" He screams, thrusting his hands into his hair and tugging. He falls to his knees and snarls as I gasp again, this time slightly in horror. "The wolf's telling me to just kiss you, to show you that we can give you everything they can. He wants me to take you away, far away from Forks and every fucked up part of both our lives." Paul's voice becomes a wheeze as he says this to me.

I fall to my knees and pull him to me by his shoulders.

"Paul,"

"You'll never be mine."

"I don't belong to anyone."

"You're his imprint."

"I don't even know what that means, so I still don't belong to anyone."

"I wish the pack didn't exist."

"Paul, listen-"

"I'm sorry." He blurts, a tear trickling down his cheek.

I open my mouth to ask why, but instead he lurches forwards and slants his mouth over mine, crushing our lips together. My eyes bulge wide open and I thrust my palm against his chest, sending him flying into a tree. A snarl ripples through him as he explodes into an enormous silver wolf.

"Shit." I curse, jumping to my feet and spinning on my heel. I run, hell no, I fucking sprint.

Paul roars behind me, giving chase.

I'm so fucking dumb. Trust me to punch one wolf then throw another into a tree. Shit.

A snarl in front of me has me skidding to a halt. "Fuck," I snarl. An enormous black wolf stands before me with an even bigger russet red one beside him.

Territorial, I stands my ground, but I know that I'll be ripped apart if any one of them gets their teeth around me in this state. A deep growl rumbles in my throat, thick and menacing. I open my mouth to the two wolves in front of me, baring my teeth to them. And suddenly it's Sam standing in front of me, but I can't take my eyes off the perfection next to him.

The sound of Paul gunning towards me has me spinning around, ready to strike. The russet wolf is flying over my head in a second, crashing into Paul and slamming him into a tree. There are snarls and yips from both of them, but Sam hold me back by wrapping his arms around me as I try to lunge. Paul and the other wolf battle it out, but Paul soon gains the upper hand, pinning the larger wolf to the ground by his throat. "Paul, stop!" Sam booms, his voice shaking us both as he yells.

Snarling, Paul steps stiffly away, eyes darting quickly to me. Something snaps in the other wolf, his eyes grow wide then minuscule with anger.

The fight's on again, snarling and ripping.

"Stop!" I scream, fear rippling through me.

Everything happens within a second. They both stop. Sam turns behind me, his front or his hide smashing into my back. I find myself scrambling face down in the dirt. All three wolves are lying in the dirt when I push myself up. They're whining. All three of them stare at me, bewildered. I pick my glasses up from where they've made a run from my face and wipe them down before slipping them back on with a huff.

Slowly, the wolves begin to stand and walk over to me. The large russet one growls lightly, and Sam and Paul bow their heads, backing off completely. "Stay the fuck where you are," I grind out, wiping myself off as best I can. "Seriously, what the fuck's wrong with you all? I can't come out for a damned smoke without one of you going all wolf on me. I'm going back inside, and none of you are going to contact me in any way. Understood?" I snarl, sighing when they all nod slightly. "Good."

I walk off, huffing at my own idiocy. How did I get mixed up in all this shit, and what the fuck's an imprint? It sound like some weird sex term.

I force the front door open, putting my palm over Bella's mouth when she opens her mouth to ask what's happened to me. "No, Bells, we're just not gonna ask me questions right now." I tell her, taking my hand from her face and ignoring her and everyone else as I walk straight over to my room.

A snarl vibrates through me as I slam my door and yank my clothes off. I keep my sports bra and boy shorts on, pulling a pair of black skinny jeans on with a black tank top and a black zip up jacket. When I come back out of the room I grab my enormous tub of ice cream from the freezer and sit on the floor beside Quil's spot on the couch.

"So, what happened?" Bella asks me.

I put the tub on the floor and pull my lighter out of my pocket. I light the flame and hold it under my spoon for the ice cream before plopping the spoon in and leaving it there. "Stuff." I reply, not looking at her. My spoon sinks sufficiently into the ice cream so I stir it around a little before pulling it out and sucking one of the chunks of cookie dough into my mouth, chewing slowly.

Bella is still looking at me, so I pull my cell out and nod to it discreetly. Then I type a message out.

 _Paul Lahote kissed me... then I shoved him away and he got pretty pissed. Paul and some other guy had a fight. I fell on my ass. My ass hurts._

I see her face light up a little as she reads the text.

 **I though you liked Paul...?**

She texts back, looking over to me, confused.

 _As a friend, and I'm leaving in a month._

I eat ice cream and text Bella until we've all watched three crappy movies. Once the third one's over I say that I'm taking the rest of my ice cream to my room, waving my goodbye to everyone before going.

The second I'm through my door I open my mouth to scream as a hand clamps over my mouth. My eyes go from wide to angry slits as I see who's before me as he reaches round me to push my door closed gently. He peels his hand from over my mouth and keeps coming forwards, using his enormous fram to push me against the door's hard wood.

"Do you know how incredible you look right now? Seeing you like this, submitting to us, the idea of it excites the wolf. Maybe the man too." He whispers, trailing a finger down my jaw line. "I know you told us all to leave you alone, but I don't think you understand how difficult I find that." I open my mouth to speak, maybe to reply to what he's said, but he carries on. "Everything about you intrigues me. The wolf in me wants to claim you as my own, but me, the human side of me, I just want to know you. I want to hold you while you sleep, I want to be here when you wake up." Okay, this is a little much for me.

"You were the other wolf?" I ask, placing my hands on his chest and pushing him away lightly. I end up pushing him down to sit on my bed before I unbutton my pants, kicking them off. For some unknown reason I feel inexplicably safe around him. He nods in answer to my question, his eyes trained on my legs as I pull my pants from the floor and fold them before hanging over them over the back of an old chair in the corner of my room. "You know, if you've got time tomorrow I can fix those rusty old shits up." I tell him, smirking lightly as he gasps in mock horror.

He nods anyhow. "I've always got time for you." He tells me, fingers reaching out to pick at the hem of my shirt.

I don't know why, but I find myself stepping closer to him, allowing him to pull me to him by the waist. "What are we even doing here?" I ask, putting my hands on his shoulders and pushing my right one into his hair.

Grinning, he shrugs and pulls on me until I fall forwards, straddling his hips. "Anything you want." He replies, pushing my shirt up my stomach. "Everything you want." He adds, resting his forehead on my shoulder and running his fingers down my stomach, down my thighs and across my calves. "Can I kiss you?"

I sigh and take my glasses off, placing them on my bedside table and wiping my eyes. This is all so alien to me. "No," I tell him, closing my eyes and sagging against him. "I don't think that's the best idea, Jacob."

"Why isn't is?" He whispers against my neck, his breath coming out hot and heavy.

Ugh. Rational thoughts are so over rated. "Because I'll be gone in a month and I don't think I can handle losing more of you than I've already got." I reply, pulling my fingers slowly through his hair and letting my body sag against him.

He laughs against my neck. "You've already got all of me." He tells me, wrapping his arms around my back before tightening his grip and lying me back against the single mattress with him hovering over me, grinning down at me. "But the question is, how much of yourself are you willing to share? Because I'll take anything."

I sigh and place my hands on his chest, pushing him to lie on his side beside me. I know I'm being unfair by leading him on, so I stand and run a quick hand through my hair. "Jacob, you're a really good guy, like, one of the best guys I've ever met. But, you've got to understand that since my father's death I've been treated like shit. I don't know how to trust anymore, the idea of trusting someone as much as I trust you only points to one thing, something that I can't accept. I can't fall in love with you." This is so not what I imagined happening when I decided to come to Forks.

"Why not? I don't get what's so bad about you falling in love with me. I know you love your mom, and I know that you hate her boyfriend, so let me help you. We've got houses on the Rez, houses that aren't being lived in, they're practically waiting. Stay here-"

"Jacob, I can't just uproot my entire life for you! That's what I mean, this is why I can't love you. When you love people they hold a power over you, the only way I've survived is by not letting anyone hold anything over me." I snarl, my voice still too low for Bella and the others to hear from the living room. "You've been loved your entire life, but me, I got eight amazing years, then four crappy ones, and since there I've been living in shit. I'm not the girl you take home to meet your parents, and I refuse to be a toy to entertain you until school's back. Girls like me don't win, girls like me fall so low that there's nowhere lower, and that's the only comfort in all of it, that when I reach the bottom, the only way will be up."

I turn away from him so he doesn't see my tears as they fall and pull my shirt over my head. "What if I could help, would you let me?" Jacob asks, sounding broken behind me.

Sniffling lightly, I wipe my eyes and grab a pair of sweats and a massive hoodie, pulling them on over my sports bra and shorts before turning back round and shrugging. "I don't know, you hungry?" I reply, motioning to my ice cream which is basically a milkshake now and rifling through my messenger bag, pulling out the spare set of cutlery I keep there -you never know where you might need some, I also keep a toilet roll, tea bags and a roll of scotch tape in there.

Jacob cracks a small smile. "I'm always hungry. That dusty old TV work?" He replies, sounding a little choked up. I nod, smiling as best I can and walking over to where he's shuffling up to lean against the wall that acts as a headboard for my single bed. "Oh, I was hoping you were going to say no so I could amaze you with my preparation skills." He tells me, smiling as he pulls a backpack up from the other side of the bed. "Flick the lights off, grab the ice cream, and come here." He adds, his smile growing by the second.

I do just as he tells me, flicking the lights off, grabbing the ice cream and two spoons, then walking over to the bed, feeling the mattress with my finger tips for the right spot until Jacob's hand grip my waist and yank me down to sit between his thighs with my back pressed up against his chest. He gently places something on my thighs, and when a light flashes on as he shifts it, a screen comes to life showing that it's a laptop.

"So, what do you want to watch?"

 **End of Chapter Six, things seem to be going pretty well here. I think this is one of my longer chapters -I'm not sure since I don't have word count- and I'm quite happy with it considering bugger all happened. I have trouble extending shortish periods of time when writing, so this fic is kind of a challenge for me in terms of doing that.**

 **I hope you guys like Chapter Seven which is sadly not much longer than Chapter Five, but there are a few longer ones in there so fear not!**

 **Please Review!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Okay, so he's Chapter Seven, enjoy!**

Jacob Black. He is where all of my problems lie. I mean, not all of my problems, Hell, not even half of them, but I'm going to blame him anyhow. He's too sexy to be innocent.

Last night we watched a movie. I don't remember the name, but it was pretty cool. Anyhow, neither of us actually fell asleep, but we stayed super quiet when Charlie came home from his shift this morning and when he groaned, falling loudly onto his bed which was literally above us. Today though, today we're fixing Jacob's bikes up

We both agree that since Angela, Jess, Quil and Bella fell asleep in the living room last night that he was best going out through my window and I'd go through the front door. We also decided to grab a few things for breakfast on the way there. Apparently Jacob eats an insane amount now.

Thankfully, Jacob says he doesn't mind a late breakfast when I mention that I have a morning workout that I do. He also says that he'll join me.

"So, what do you actually do?" He asks me, one leg out of my window. He's giving the neighboors quite the show without his shirt, dangling out of the police chief's window at six in the morning.

Smiling, I answer. "I run for an hour and a half as fast as I can to get as far as I can, then I take an hour to walk back, but sometimes I jog. Then I do an hour of sit-ups and that kind of thing and use the punch bag." I reply, and now I've said it out loud it doesn't sound like much, but if I'm sweating intensely for two and a half hours then I'm doing something right, right?

"Perfect, that's your warm up, right?" He asks, smirking as he steps the rest of the way through the window.

I scowl at him in mock horror. "Shut it, you little prick." I snarl, waltzing over to the window and leaning out of it to smack his chest.

He traps my hand with a wolfish grin. "You San Francisco people are so rude." He teases.

"Get out of here while I get changed, Black." I say, pushing him away before closing my window. He steps up to it and lays his right hand on the glass, grinning like in all those movies where people lay their hands together through the glass. I smirk and close my curtains to his booming laughter. I change quickly, not showering before running since I'm just going to sweat.

Bella stirs slightly as I leave my room, but she falls straight back to sleep once I tell her I'm going running. I'm straight out of the door and run into Jacob. "Boo." He whispers, grinning as his arms wrap around my back and he pulls me to stand up against him. He leans down to my and bites the frame of my glasses, pulling them off my face and making me laugh as he flips them up onto his own. I smile and make to push him away, but he just holds on tighter, laughing when I say that I want to run. He then points out that I don't need my bag to run, to which I reply I do if I want ice cream, and I always want ice cream.

I manage to wrestle my way out of Jacob's arms with my glasses back on my own face and wheel my bike across the road and into the woods. Jacob asks me why I do it. "When I'm done running then I can find my bike and go straight to the store instead of having to come back here." I tell him, and since the store is basically the other side of the woods, it's a smart thing to do.

Jacob follows me as I wander deep into the woods and chain my bike up to a tree, leaving my bag there too. We run for well over an hour, sprinting after one another like children, and every so ofter Jacob would literally tackle me, only to place me carefully back on my feet. We're both covered in sweat, dirt and grime by the time we get back to my bike, panting as our chests rise and fall. As I climb onto my bike I tell Jacob to go to his and get the bike parts out. He shakes his head, saying that he wants to come with me, we argue it out and in the end he huffs and walks off.

When I reach the store I keep my helmet on, having pulled my protective trousers and jacket on in the woods. In the store I get a few odd looks, but I ignore them as I grab a large tub of ice cream and some bacon. Jacob said not to get anything to make breakfast with since he claimed to have everything, but if he eats as much as he claims then he won't have enough, so I grab four packs of bacon, and each pack has twelve strips. Also, I remember that the bikes were in pretty bad condition, so I grab some black paint and some white since one bike was black and the other was white. I have everything else left over from doing my own bike and all that stuff is under my seat, so that's fine. I also grab an extra tub of ice cream since why the fuck not.

At the check outs I get even more odd looks, but I always do when I've got all of my bike gear on. I think it's because I'm so short. Either way, I pay quickly for all of the stuff, double packing with the bags since I'm on my bike so they won't be set down until I'm at Jacob's.

The second I'm out of the store I'm back on my bike, kicking the stand off and going. I reach Jacob's house in what I'm sure is record time to find that he's waiting for me outside, sitting in front of his house surrounded by bike parts. He grins and stands as I shut the bike's engine off, kicking the stand on and hopping off.

He ushers me inside, not letting me near the bike parts until we've eaten. Apparently his father's fishing with Harry today -which Charlie will be doing with them when he wakes up- so we're alone in the house. Jacob takes the bags from me, apologising about not being a gentleman and taking them sooner, which I tell him is bullshit because he's always been a gentleman with me except for yesterday. We put the ice cream in the freezer and Jacob smirks when he sees the bacon, I put a hand up in surrender, saying that I just couldn't help myself.

We cook all the bacon that I bought, and Jacob throws some more in, telling me that the smell of food will attract the pack so it's best to do more unless I want to have someone steal my food. Some bacon goes in the oven, some goes in the microwave, and some goes in the frying pan. There's so much bacon! God I love bacon.

Basically, we eat a lot of bacon for breakfast, and it doesn't attract the rest of the pack so Jacob has some more.

Almost the second we've washed the plates and put them away, Jacob pulls me by my hands outside and over to many and various parts of bikes. "So, uh, when I opened the bags it didn't occour to me to keep the parts from the same bags together." He tells me, grinning sheepishly and scratching the back of his neck with an embarassed chuckle.

There's no talk as we begin to sort certain parts into certain piles, but every so often I'll lift my eyes to fin Jacob's already looking at mine, then he just grins my way before dropping my gaze. The rain shoots down in bullets, but neither of us seem to care, drenched through to the skin as we work. Jacob's fingers follow my own in graceful strides as I show him how to reassemble the bike's exhaust, then the breaks and so on, placing each part to the side once we've dealt with it. Eventually we're left with a few small pipes that we fit on quickly and easily before getting the faring back on and refitting the seats and handlebars.

Once we're done we go back inside since it's taken us a matter of hours and we've both worked up an appetite. "So," Jacob says, grinning. "I can cook fish." He tells me, smirking as I laugh. He's so damn proud of his fish skills.

"I guess it's lucky that I like fish then, huh?" I tease lightly.

His smile drops. What did I say? "You know, once we've eaten there's something I've got to tell you." He mutters, his tone deadly serious, so I merely nod, saying that we can talk later.

So, I watch as his fingers move with a strangely sweet grace, even as he cuts off the heads, tails and that kind of stuff. There's a deadly beauty to this boy. We eat in silence, but unlike all of our other silnces, this one is awkwards and filled with uncomfortable and tense body language from Jacob. Before we've finished I stop, demanding that he tells me what's wrong.

"Okay, when you heard our legends, did you hear the word imprint?" He asks me, shuffling nervously and wringing his hands.

I shake my head."No, but Paul said it yesterday." I reply. It sounded like a creepy sex term. "He said that I'm your imprint, but he didn't say what it meant."

Jacob sighs a deep breath out, scratching the back of his neck.

Slowly, he retells the story of Taha Aki, then of others of his kind. He tells me well over ten stories, but never looks me in the eyes. When he's finally done I sit and think. I think about what message he's trying to convey, what he's trying to subtly tell me. The only common link in all of these stories is how the wolves died to protect the woman that they loved, and Jacob hasn't known me long enough to love me, so I know that's not it.

"What I'm trying to tell you here is-"

And of course my cell blares out, ringing. I look at the screen 'Doctor Carmount' is says. "I'm sorry, Jacob, I have to take this." I tell him with an apologetic glance as I answer the call. "Doc, everything alright?" I ask, trying not to sound like I'm insanely tired and confused.

"River, I have some terrible news, I'm sorry." She replies, and I kind of guessed that since she rang my cell. "It's your mother."

I know Jacob can hear her. I freeze, every muscle in my body stiffening. "What happened?" I question, my voice small and scared.

She sighs into the receiver, and I can practically hear her pinch the bridge of her nose and wipe her glasses. I pull my own glasses off, having a bad feeling about something. I close my eyes as she tells me. "River, last night your mother was brought into the hospital. She'd overdosed and we lost her in the early hours of the morning."

No. She's wrong. "Lost? Like, she's wandered off?" I whisper, a tear ready to fall.

After rubbing my eyes I pull my glasses back on, letting my eyes slowly focus on Jacob's broken expression. No. They're all wrong. "I'm sorry, River. Your mother has passed away."

"No." I snarl. It's impossible. "No, she's always fine. Just- just tell her that I'm coming to get her. She always sobers up when she thinks I'm coming, so just-"

"River, I don't think you're hear-"

"I heard you, you told me she's fucking dead!" I scream, suddenly sobbing.

Jacob's round the counter, supporting me within the second it takes me to fall to my knees. He takes the cell from me, thanking the doctor and saying that he'll make sure I'm okay. "No!" I scream, thrashing against him.

A single sob rips through me, tearing everything I ever knew to shreds.

Jacob pulls me onto his lap, cradling me as I scream for my mother. My dead mother.

He grabs the landline, dialing someone. "Bells, get Charlie... I don't fucking care, get him!" He snarls. "Now! Are you fucking deaf?" He shushes me, rocking us back and forth. "Char- I know, I know. I'll apologise to her later. You need to come over here... it's River... she's not good. Charlie, please, I don't care if you have to turn the sirens on, just get here." He slams the phone down.

Sob after sob shakes me.

Time means nothing to me as we sit there until someone bursts in without knocking. Bella and Charlie. "What have you done to her?" Charlie snarls.

As Jacob tenses, anger coursing through him, I find myself wrapping myself around him tighter, not letting him move. "It wasn't me." He says, his voice soft for my sake. "She just got a call from a doctor. It's her mom."

No. She's not dead. She can't be. She can't do this. She can't leave me all alone.

I shoot up ffrom Jacob's lap, wiping the tears from my face with ferocity. "She's not fucking dead!" I yell. "She's not!"

Jacob stands, pain written across his face as he approaches me. I let him pull me agains this chest, and I let myself break in his arms. My sobs become painful as I slowly begin to lose control, my humanity slipping. Searing hot anger pulses through me. I bet the dumb fucker of a boyfriend she's got isn't dead. I'll bet that wanker is still using right now. Jacob tightens his hold on me as I begin to shake. "River don't, not here." He whispers, and I'll admit that his voice and actions do calm me a little, but I don't want to be calm, I want to rip Stu's god damn head off.

Stronger than ever before with rage, I plant my hands on Jacob's chest and use all my might to shove him away as my legs push up for me to stand. He crashes into the sink with undeniable force before falling the the floor.

Charlie and Bella leap back in surprise while Jacob just gets straight back to his feet.

I'm out of the door before he can grab my hand, clenching my jaw as the dull ache of my fangs coming through and my claws forcing their way in goes through me.

The rest of the pack must have sensed Jacob's distress because not a second later four shirtless guys come jogging from the woods.

"What's up, little bird?" Paul yells, trying desperately to get a glimpse of my face. I look dead on at the four of them just as Jacob reaches me, folding my hands in his own and begging me not to do this here. I don't listen as he takes my face in his palms, telling me that he knows this is hard but that this isn't the way to deal with it.

So, as much as it literally does pain me to do it, I step back and throw my leg out, catching him the the chest. The power of my kick throws him into the air, but he doesn't change, he lands on his back with a sickening thud and rolls over, getting right back up. "You can kick me around all you want, I'm not going to let you go back there and do something that you'll regret." He says, his tone stiff and final.

"You think I'd regret ripping Stu's fucking face open? Please, all I've wanted since my father died was my mom, and that asshole's taken her away from me!" I scream, pain bringing me to my knees.

I tilt my head up to the sky and open my mouth, trying the make the reshaping of my skull as easy as possible.

My screams are deaffening as the skin along my arms split with pressure, pure deadly muscle spouting in its place.

Everything that was ever human about me is gone as my jaw snaps, my new one shaping itself painfully as the rest of my body explodes into the body of a true werewolf.

I stand tall on my hind legs at just over thirteen feet, but when I walk on all fours I'm only six feet tall. I'm vaguely aware of a thud behind me as Charlie faints, and a scream from Bella as she sees me and as Paul phases on Sam's command.

I now weigh over a tonne and a half with all of my muscle mass, my thirteen foot frame is enough to scare anyone, and my four inch long canines are pretty feirce looking.

 _Kill!_ the wolf in me commands, and so I throw my head back and let a blood chilling howl be released into the suddenly cold air. I'm out for blood, and I'll be damned if I don't get it.

 **Okay, possibly the shortest chapter I've written, but I thought it stopped nicely here, so please review.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight is ago!**

It's been two days since I got home. It's been two days since I beat my step father into the ICU. It's been two days since I was arrested. It's been two days since Tori and Aaron bailed me out, and since we all know Stu wouldn't press charges, I had nothing to worry about. It's been four days since I fought with Jacob's pack. It's been four days since he took his place as Alpha by ordering all of the other wolves to -and I quote- 'Get the fuck off my imprint!' After that I howled and ran off. I was too fast for him to follow.

Tori has had all of my stuff sent over from Forks, but my bike was damaged. Apparently some pale face girl took her anger out on my baby with a crowbar. Bella's a little cunt. One that I'm considering killing.

And what makes it worse? The full moon has been and gone but when I woke up I only had half the amount that Tori and I agreed on with no explanation as to why. Bitch. I'll so be having fucking words with her.

I kicked Stu out two days ago when he rolled in at four in the morning with a bag of weed the size of my head. That's when he had a bitch fit and we fought. Well, he fought while I beat him. To say that the police were surprised when I called them to say that I'd just beaten a man into unconsciousness is an understatement. They were even more shocked when I put up no struggle as they cuffed me and pushing me into the back of the car.

"Why'd you do it?" One of the police officers had asked me, all of his cop friends turning to wait for my answer.

"Why the hell not?" I replied as my cuffs were taken off. I left without another word.

Since the day with Jacob my eyes haven't returned from their black colour. I've been having more trouble staying calm, and every time I think of Jacob I begin to break. He impacted me way more than I thought possible. It's as if there's a bond between us, as if I can't breathe when he's not there. I don't like it. I've never needed anyone, and I won't let myself fall because of some ridiculous crush on a guy I can't have.

So far, to keep my mind from straying to him I've sorted through everything in the shitty apartment and given away everything that wasn't mine, except a necklace of my mom's, but that's only because my dad gave it to her. To be honest, I figured she'd pawned it off already. I've cleaned every surface in the place, given the bed away to the junk yard that Mom and Stu shared, and basically everything aside from the couch I sleep on, my personal belongings, and the dining room table which only seats two people.

"So," Tori says, apparently over the untimely death of Aaron. He tried to kill someone and got served. "Your mutt lover and his dogs killed Aaron, you need to choose sides. You're either with me, or you're against me." She tells me from her spot at my table.

I stand, snarling as I stalk over to her. She stands too, trying to intimidate me. "Tori, just remember who's the pissed off werewolf in this room." I grit out.

She bows her head, but not out of respect for my power. "I'm sorry, but they need to be-"

"The population of Forks falls under my protection, you'll do well to remember that." I've never been so ballsy in my life, but it feels almost as if the wolf and I are no longer at war, but we're now one. We also share anger and aggression. "I've got a rally in twenty minutes, so are we done here?" I ask, knowing that we are. She nods

"That became painfully obvious." She snarls, rolling her eyes.

Immediately she peaks my interest. "How so?" I demand. I've never been interested in who's faces were on the pictures that Tori gave me for each full moon, but stupidly it never occurred to me that she might have set me on the people of Forks. I mean, I always figured that she had a set list of people, plus there weren't any bodies found while I was there. "Tori, fucking answer me." I growl, completely pissed off with her.

Smirking, she cocks a brow. "You do realise that when it's your _time of the month_ , so to say, you kill mercilessly. You'd kill your own cousin if I asked you to-"

"How would you know I've got a cousin?"

Her smirk shrinks back into a frown. Her frown slowly becomes a disgusted grimace. "She and I have met." She answers. I raise a brow. "You don't truly know her." There's a light in her eyes. I can't tell if it's anger or excitement. It irks me. "She has a past. A dark-"

"Hurry up. My patience is wearing thin and I'm busy."

"I had a mate." Her voice is urgent, the fire in her eyes blazing angrily. "He and I, we were meant to be, but her. Your cousin. She was there. The other one killed him-"

"Are you threatening the life of my cousin? Because, to me this sounds an awful lot like you're threatening to set my furry self on her." I snarl, pushing myself up to stand, stalking towards her. "Listen to me, Tori, you leave pictures beside me and I do your dirty work. That much has been clear for a long time. If you ever, and I mean _ever_ try any shit to hurt my family I'll torch you piece by fucking piece."

We stand there, both of us suddenly seething, for at least a minute before she speeds from my apartment with nothing more to say.

Does this mean that Bella knows about vampires?

Fuck, I mean, I know I've never been the brightest apple, but vampires? Christ, I know I was fucked up when I first turned, but vampires, I turned to the fucking vampires for help. If Tori knows Bella then why hasn't she said before? I know I've got to find out more about what happened to Tori's mate but I've got more important things to think about. A funeral for one.

Shaking my head, I decide I don't care. Well, I do, but I don't have the time to dwell on anything that isn't the ralley. It may sound dumb but this is where I make my money. As a werewolf I've got killer reflexes, incredible senses and impeccable hearing. I'm basically a natural at most sports or skills that require precision. Bikes? They're no problem, so yeah, I make fools of people who train damn hard, but I need the cash.

Quickly, I grab my t-shirt and long shorts, pulling them on before following them with my leather bike suit.

I'm out of the door in a matter of seconds, locking it and making my way over to my bike where it sits, dented. Luckily for me though, she only dented the faring, and I don't really need it, not as much as I need this money.

Four hours later after three shots of tequila as victory drinks, I ride home with eight thousand dollars in my pocket. Of course, the races I do aren't all entirely legal, but this one was with a binding contract and rules to say that you couldn't hurt another rider. Didn't stop number eighteen from ramming into me mid jump. Cunt. So of course everyone turned a blind eye when my wheel "slipped" and took his bike from under him.

Once I'm home I begin searching through every message Nate and I have ever exchanged, all twenty of them since I was twelve. And I soon find his address. I use my cell to call the airport and ask them if there's a flight into England tomorrow morning. Luckily for me there is, so I book myself a seat, saying that I'll pay cash. I'll be damned if he makes me pay for Mom's funeral alone.

After arranging everything, I'm too tired to do anything else, so I simply lie down and sleep on my couch.

I snarl as I wake from my dream. It's not a dream I can afford to be having. Jacob and I will never be together, no matter how much I want him. I'm a werewolf, a creature of the night, one that kills for money, doing a vampire's bidding in order to fund her mother's drug habit. Well, one problem solved I guess. Either way, Jacob is good, and sweet and pure, he's everything I'm not, and I'd rather kill everyone in the world than watch as I snub his light out. He's too good for someone like me. Even before I was bitten my fate was decided. Me, my bike, and rallies. We're San Francisco's problems now. As we always were I suppose.

A sad tear falls down my cheek, and I quickly wipe away the display of hurt. I can't afford to let him hurt me. The sooner we've forgotten one another the better. Something inside me says he's already forgotten me. Everyone does.

My flight leaves in three hours and I've only just woken up, not to mention that it takes an hour to reach the airport. Great.

I pack a simple overnight bag, printing the paperwork off that I need for my bike in the local library after showering. I dress in my usual black attire of skinny jeans, a shirt and my father's FBI hoodie. I think better of the hoodie since it was my dad's and swap it for my usual zip up hooded jacket. Great, I've got black clothes, black hair, and black eyes, if that doesn't scream Emo then I don't know what does. Purely to ensure that I look pissed off at Nate for leaving me, I paint my nails black too and put some make up on. I don't look like the innocent sister you'd bring to meet your in-laws. Perfect.

When my flight lands in England it's raining and cold. Fuck my life. I pull the leather racing gear from my bike's seat and pull it over my existing clothes along with my helmet before swinging my leg over the seat and starting the engine. I suppose one good thing about England is that you only have to be eighteen to drink. I can pass for twenty in most areas, so hell yeah.

The directions to Nate's place is sign posted from the beginning, and it only takes an hour and a half until I'm sitting outside an apartment building. Well, it's housing for a university. Fabulous.

My knuckles sound rough against the door's flimsy wood, and someone's at the door in less than ten seconds. "Uh, hi, sorry but we're not buying-"

"Does Nathanial Nivalis live here?" I ask as I push my visor up. I realize quickly that my glasses don't help as much when the wolf's so close to the surface, so when she turn round I yank them off.

"Nate, babe, there's someone here for you!" She yells, smiling a smile halfway between polite and scared when she looks back at me.

At least he gave me the right address.

A minute or so later a group of four shirtless boys come laughing towards the door with beer cans in their hands. Apparently they all wanted to see who Nate's mystery guest is. I pull my helmet off and he looks at me. "Uh, hi?" He says, recognition nowhere in sight.

"Nate." I say, raising a brow. "Come on, bro, it's only been five years." I add harshly.

"Fuck," He mutters, eyes wide as it settles in. "River, oh my god!" He exclaims, rushing forwards to hug me. I step back out of his reach, and he gets the message, looking hurt as he stop trying to hug me. "Uh, guys, this is my little sister River, River these are my friends and my girlfriened. Carly, Adam, Peter, and James."

I hardly glance at the others. "We need to talk, Nate. It's about Mom." I say, not caring that I'm being rude.

He sighs and rubs a hand over his scalp. "Really, River? You came all the way here to depress me with news of her latest shitty thing."

"Actually, her last."

"Last? She's clean? Oh my god, that's incredible! I never thought-"

"Nate, she passed away four nights ago. I was on vacation and came straight back. I'd have come sooner but things got complicated." Especially since I was in prison for two nights.

He stopped smiling, he stopped laughing, and soon enough he stopped standing. He fell forwards and hit me with a thud. In my efforts of trying to catch him I end up smacking him in the face with my helmet and the protective plating in my jacket. Shit. His friends, Adam, Peter and James each rush forwards, carrying him back inside, while his girlfriend Carly, asks me if I'd like to come in. "Would you like a drink?" She asks me, opening a fridge to show many beers. "We've got alcohol, or we've got-"

"No thanks." I reply, knowing that actually I do want the bottle of tequila that has just come into my sight, but I shouldn't say that.

She nods, wrapping her arms self consciously around her middle. "So, your brother never actually mentioned you." She tells me, trying not to sound awkward. "I mean, he never talks about your mum and dad, either, but he never told me that he had a little sister."

I shrug. "He left to get away from us, why would he tell you about us?" I reply.

She's tall with long legs, an enormous chest, a tiny waist and blonde hair. "I thought that after five years he'd have mentioned you." She mutters, sounding a little betrayed.

"If it helps, he never mentioned you either." I reply, and so a silence sets in.

My brother is passed out for another half an hour, in which time no one talks. But, of course, the first thing he does when he wakes up is spring up and look at me. "Is that a hickey?" He asks me, a grubby finger pointing at my neck. At my neck where Jacob had his mouth the night before I left.

I shrug. "Probably." I reply, trying to keep cool. "Why, do you want to meet him and play the angry big brother? I mean, should I have not told him you existed?" His eyes flit to Carly, and he looks apologetic.

"How did it happen?" He croaks.

"What, the hickey?" I ask, utterly confused.

A tiny smile pulls his lips. "No, dummy. Not the hickey, you know, M-" He stops, a tear rolls down his cheek.

"Mom?" I finish for him, my voice holding no sorrow.

He nods. "How are you being so cool about this?"

"She wasn't much of a mother to me for the past seven years. So, thanks for ditching me, bro." I reply.

His eyes search me. They land on my wrist. No bracelets cover the thick scar. "What the fuck is that!" He demands, a fire in his eyes. He grabs my wrist and stands, yanking me to stands next to him.

I clench my fist and turn my arm in his grasp until the scar is facing the floor, but he turns my arm again. "What do you think it is?" I snarl. "You left me with our deadbeat shit for a mother and her drug dealer of a boyfriend. I tried to take a way out and failed." His face is no longer angry. He turns and runs for a trash can just before vomiting into it. "What, you thought I'd stay helpless forever? I was sick of that fucker beating me into the hospital, and I was sick of having to raise my own money to pay for my hospital bills, and I was sick of everything. So yeah, I took a knife and I started cutting. Next door neighbor found me and called an ambulance. Another treatment I had to pay for." I'm thankful that he doesn't comment on the thick scar that runs half way over my neck. Stu graced me with that one before I was bitten.

"River-"

"Everything in my life has gone to shit, so I hope yours is going well." I say mononously, turning to leave. "Oh, and for the record, I was having a really good time before I got that call, and I think I destroyed the only friendship I had." And I leave.

Nate follows me out into the pouring rain, his hair immediately flat against his head and his pants clinging to his legs. "River, what did you expect me to do? That place was toxic!"

"I know, I tried to get out-"

"Suicide isn't a way out!" he yells, outraged.

I spin on my heel. "Well, it seemed like a damn fine option at the time." I snarl.

We're both silent for a really long time. He sighs and shakes his head like a dog, spraying water everywhere. "So, uh, this guy that's giving my little sister hickeys. Is he good enough for you?" He asks, scratching the back of his neck.

I roll my eyes but nod. "Yeah, he's a good guy. But don't worry, no intimidation needed, I- uh, I stopped things."

He raises a brow. "You stopped thing because he was pushing you? Or you stopped things all together."

"He lives in Forks, wouldn't have worked." I state, knowing that I'm trying to convince myself too.

Nate nods awkwardly. "Did you like him?"

"Do you really want to have this conversation?"

"After that shit you just dropped on me? Hell yeah." He nods, looking me dead in the eye. "I want to know everything about you since I left." He tells me. "Just wait here, we'll go to this little cafe I know. It's nice, and we can talk."

"You should probably bring your girlfriend, seems like there's a lot you need to tell her."

So I wait outside while Nate gets dressed and his girlfriend and he get into his car. I refuse the offer of a ride in case I need to get away quickly. I sling my leg over my bike, making a mental note to grab some new faring from a garage and some new stuff in general.

We only drive for about fifteen minutes before we're all standing around my bike at a small coffee shop. I swing my leg over the side and lift the seat, pulling my bag out while I take my leather jacket off, followed by the pants, leaving my in casual but thankfully dry clothing. Nate and Carly are soaked through to their skin, but neither seem to care all that much as the three of us shuffle inside once I've chained my bike to one of Nate's wheels on his car.

"Hey, Nate, is there anywhere I can swap dollars for pounds?" I ask him, but he waves me off, telling me that it's his treat. "No, Nate, it's fine, I need-"

"Sis, shut up. I'm paying, get over it."

I stuff my hands in my pockets and mutter a thanks as an extremely handsome guy walks over to the counter, ready to serve us. "A little late for coffee, man." He says to Nate, raising a brow. "Is this where you bring all your hot dates?" He asks, his English accent adorably thick as he looks from Carly to me, then winks.

Nate's face hardens. "That's my little sister, don't flirt with her." He snarls, making his order stiffly.

"And what for you, sugar pie?" He says, leaning over the counter to look at me.

I stare up at the board with all of the options on and decide. "Uh, can I get a brownie and a black coffee?"

"You sure can." He says, smiling cutely. "I'll put extra love into making your coffee."

"No extra love for my sister." Nate snarls, pissed that his previous warning didn't do anything. "She's got a boyfriend."

"No I haven't." I reply, smirking at Nate. "Extra love sounds great."

"So we can run off and get married when your brother's not looking?" The guy asks me, fake hopefulness lacing his tone.

I nod. "Totally. Vegas here we come." I tell him, smiling a little while Nate mutters that he'll always be looking to keep me away from jerks like him.

The three of us find two couches to sit on that face one another, Nate and Carly sit on one and I sit on the other while we wait for out stuff. "So, this guy, what's he like?" Nate asks, looking awkward.

"It doesn't matter what he's like, there's nothing going on. I don't think he liked me that much anyhow, he was hung up over someone else." I reply, shrugging as I wrap my arms around myself self-consciously.

Nate shrugs. "I bet she was a fucking troll."

I smirk. "It was Bella."

He stills. "You took Bella's sloppy se-"

"No, they never dated, he just thinks the sun shine outta her ass."

"Who's Bella?" Carly asks quietly.

"Our cousin." I tell her, knowing all of this must be tough on her too. "She's a total cunt by the way, she took a crowbar to my bike, lost half my faring."

Nate raises a brow. "Is she going through an angry phase?"

I shrug. "She was when she did it I guess." I tell him, shrugging again. "Anyway, she's hung up over some other dude, but she's stringing Jacob along, and he was kind of stringing me along, and then he'd actually be interested in me, but then it'd be all about her. I did the right thing."

"By doing what? Who's Jacob? Is Jacob your guy or Bella's guy? It's all so cunfusing." Nate says, rubbing his eyes as the guy comes over with our drinks and food, winking at me to annoy Nate.

"I did the whole couragous deal of letting him go and all that." I tell him, sipping my coffee. It's fucking hot, but I need the caffeen if I'm driving back to the airport tonight. "Anyway, he has hot friends." I joke, smirking.

Nate looks at me for a second before shaking his head. "There's a bro code, his friends wouldn't-"

"One already tried. I must just be that sexy." I joke, but Nate stiffens. "Oh calm down, nothing happened."

"No, it's just that you're not my innocent little buggy anymore." Oh god, not that nicname. "You remember that-"

"Yeah, that lady bug costume Dad made for me when I was six. I remember it in all its glory."

We talk about random shit, filling Carly in on our childhood until Nate asks -yet again- what Jacob's like. I ask him why he cares and he replies that he wants to know what kind of a guy is putting his hands on me, then he adds what kind of guy is fucking with my head by leading me on. "Fine, he's tall and hot." I say, and Nat raises a brow. Carly tells me that she wants more details than that, kissing Nate when he acts offended. "Uh, he's like six foot four, short black hair, tanned. He's cute, I don't know." I reply, genuinely blushing for the first time in front of them.

"Okay, but what's he like?" Nate asks, seeming to actually want to know.

I sigh. "He's really sweet. And he's a gentleman."

"He's not sweet if he's leading you on." Nate says, his tone overly protective.

I shrug. "I don't think he realises how much he likes Bella. Or maybe he thinks I don't realise."

"I don't get it." Nate states, leaning back in his chair. "He's either getting it on with Bella and leaving you the hell alone, or he's with you and leaving her the hell alone." He snarls.

Carly smiles. "I get it." She tells me, smiling. "They both like one another, but this Jacob guy also likes you, but your cousin is in love with someone else, someone that she can't have. I think, and correct me if I'm wrong, that she's jelous of you, and that's making her feel like you're taking Jacob away from her, so she's acting rashly."

Nope. "People don't get jealous of me, I'm hardly competition. They've know one another for forever, and I've known his for less than three months. I'm fine with stepping back since I'm not going back to Forks again, but if I get an invitation to their wedding I might flip my shit."

Brows raised, Carly sputters. "Are you kidding? Of course you're someone for her to be jealous of! River, you have an athlete's body that literally every girl dreams of because it's what ever guy dreams of. Trust me, you're competition for her."

"But she's my cousin, so I'm not."

"How so?"

"Well, if she likes him then I can't too. She's my cousin, family, you can't do that to family."

"She's doing it to you with no second thoughts." Nate points out.

Fuck everything. "Yeah, but I shouldn't have tried in the first place."

Carly shakes her head. "I respect that you have morals, and I respect that you respect your family, but you need to fight for him. When guys are choosing between two girls you have to prove that it's you or her, not that he can have you and stare at her arse when you're not looking."

"Or I could just stay in San Francisco and carry on fixing bikes and entering rallies. That's all I'm good at-"

"Sis, don't take this the wrong way, but what's holding you down there? You could move anywhere in the world. Hell, screw Jacob, go find some guy that deserves you. If he's not all over you then fuck him."

"That's the problem, Nate, he is all over me. I mean, not literally, but he's different around Bella. He seems alive, and like he doesn't have to hide from her." Am I really talking about guys with my brother after just telling him that our mom's dead? Jesus that's sad. "Anyway, I don't have time for a guy. I've got work, and the rallies, and I've got to keep my bike-"

"This all sounds like a lot of bullshit to me." Nate mutters, leveling me with a stony glare. "You either want this guy or you dont, if you want him then go fucking get him, and if you don't then stop whining and find someone else."

The three of us sit in the coffee shop for another hour, talking about everything, then me trying to calm Nate down when he explodes at the news that I haven't been to school in five years. Anyhow, I call the airport, booking a flight to Florida since Renee deserves to know that her sister has died. We say our goodbyes and Nate promises to text me more often, saying he'll call when he can. I smile as I ride away, back towards the airport. I find a good time for a flight and take it, only taking my helmet and a book as my hand luggage, throwing my leathers into the compartment under my seat.

On the plane I end up getting sat next to a single mother and her four year old son. He smiles the entire way, asking me questions about why my eyes are black, why my hair's black, why I have a bike helmet, and so on. Eventually, I ask him if he wants to try it on, laughing when he tells his 'mummy' that the American girl is letting him wear the hat. It dwarfs him, and he looks adorable, like a real life bobble head. His name's Cameron. I tap the glass of the visor, smiling as he giggles his little heart out. He asks me what book I'm reading, and I end up reading it quietly to him. It's Percy jackson, because let's face it, it's an epic book series.

"Thank you so much." Cameron's mother says when we get off the plane. I raise a brow, confused. "I thought he was going to be sitting next to someone who would hate children, it was lovely to hear him laugh. Thank you." She tells me, smiling. I tell her that it's not a problem as I take my helmet back, grinning.

I pull my cell out once I've waited three fucking hours for my bike and I call Nate. "Hey, sis, miss me?" He says, obviously grinning.

"Sure, bro, sure. Hey, just letting you know the plane landed a while ago, but there was a mix up with my bike. One of the tires had been punctured by someone's suitcase, but the airline replaced it, no hassle. they just forgot to tell me what they were doing."

He laughs at me. "They didn't tell you?"

"Nah, I've been waiting three hours." I reply, groaning as I wipe the grime from my eyes.

"River!" Comes a smooth, deep voice.

No fucking way. "You've got to be fucking kidding me." I snarl, screwing my eyes closed.

"Who was that?" Nate asks down the receiver.

"Take a wild guess." I grumble.

He laughs again. "No fucking way, seriously?"

"Yeah."

"River, hey," _he_ says. His voice is so much closer now. A few feet away.

"Good luck, sis." Nate says, disconnecting the call.

I groan and open my eyes. "You just happen to be in Florida, huh?" I question, my voice rough and sick of everything.

He nods, looking fucking gorgeous as ever. "Yeah, Bella came up to see her mom and asked if I wanted to come with her, so I said yeah, and here I am."

Of course he's with Bella. Bella who might know about vampires. Maybe she knows about Jacob. Maybe Jacob told her about the wolf thing. "Awesome." I say, pulling my helmet on and turning away before I cry.

"What, you're not gonna ask why I'm here? Why I'm at the airport." He asks me, his feet falling loudly behind me as I swing my leg over my bike and sit down.

I shake my head. "I don't care." I lie, the first tear falling. I'm thankful that he can't see it as I close my eyes and bite my lip. "Have fun, and I guess you can save me the journey and tell her that her sister's dead. Get Bella to leave my cell number so she can tell me if she can be at the funeral or not."

"Listen, River, I know you made it pretty clear that you want us to leave you alone, but why? I-"

"Just drop it, Jacob." I snarl, slamming my hands down on the handlebars. "Yeah, I made it clear that I wanted you all to leave me alone, so please, leave me alone."

He thrusts his hands into his hair and tugs, snarling. "Why don't you get it? I can't leave you alone. Every single part of me screams that-"

"Just don't. I really can't do this." I tell him, looking up at him.

He moves too quickly for me to stop him. Or maybe I just don't want to. I don't know. He stides to stand in my personal space and he yanks my visor open, snarling at my tear stained face. He doesn't let go as I try to move, instead he uses his grip on my helmet to angle my head before he leans in and kisses me, holding my helmet so I can't get away. It's kind of tough to kiss someone from a motorcycle helmet, and soon he breaks away, tugging it up until the bottom of it is on my forehead. Neither of us has the time to think about how fucking ridiculous I must look as his lips come back to mine, pressing softly against them with a certain dominance to his hold on me.

His lips are insistant against my own and mine sure as hell work with his, moulding to his every desire, and soon enough a choked sob works though me as I brace my palms on his chest and push him away. He's here with Bella. He came on a trip with Bella. He's here to see Bella's mom. He may have kissed me, but he's picked her.

I start my bike, shooting off and yanking my helmet down as tears blur my vision. Crying over Jacob Black has become more of a common occourance for me lately.

Fuck him. Fuck Bella. Fuck their happy little lives.

I ride until I'm out of sight from everyone. I ride into a field, leaping from my bike and slouching against a tree, sliding down its trunk until I sit at its base. Hands clasped onto the side of my helmet I scream. I scream as loud as I fucking can, knowing no one's going to hear me. I scrape my nails down the helmet's surface, balling my hands into fists before thumping them into it, slamming my head back against the tree in frustration. "Fuck!" I scream, letting the tears fall freely.

The thrumming of an engine gets my attention, but I don't glance up. It's probably some dumb kid who- "River, please, just listen to me." Oh my fucking god. Won't he take a fucking hint?

I stand, ripping my helmet off and launching it at the floor. "What?" I bellow angrily. "What the fuck have you got to say? Just leave me the fuck alone!" I yell, my sobs shaking me.

He shakes his head, pissing me off. "I can't leave you alone. Not now, not when you're like this." He tells me, taking a tentative step closer to me. I take one back but my back smacks the tree's rough surface, trapping me between itself and Jacob's advancing form. "You keep running away from me, and the wolf hates it. He thinks that you're toying with us because you know we'll follow you. He says that you're ours and no one elses, that we need to prove that to you. When I look at you, my entire world lights up, everything falls into place and nothing seems too hard to tackle."

Lies. It's all fucking lies. He's probably fucking Bella by now, he probably thinks I'd make a nice bit on the side. "I feel your discomfort, you know. All that anger, all of it's for me. What have I done?" He asks, stepping yet again closer. He passes my bike, plucking the keys and slipping them into his shorts. Not the pockets, the actual shorts. "Tell me what I've done." He says, a slightly demanding note to his tone.

Shaking my head, I bravely extend my hand. "Give me my keys and let me fuck off." I snarl, my canines growing with my claws.

Sighing, he shakes his head. "I can't do that." He says, crouching beside my bike and running his hand along it. "You see, I figure if you really wanted to that you could probably come and get the keys from me right now, so," with a mighty grin, he yanks something from my bike. The sound of metal scraping metal hits me just as one of the wolves runs into the clearing. Jacob holds out three metal pipes. "Give these to the others, she doesn't get them back until I say so, got it?" He orders, and the wolf nods, taking the pipes and running off. "I flicked through a manual on your bike and figured out which pipes you absolutely need to get so far as the end of the grass in this clearing." He tells me, shrugging. He pins me with a heated glare, those damn eyes melting as he looks over me. Fuck, why is he so sexy when he's demanding?

A heat spreads through me with the intensity of his gaze, but I don't let it show. He smirks anyway. "That's better. Arousal is always better than anger, unless of course you're into being a little rough, then I think we can handle either." He teases, but I don't find it funny. Not even slightly.

"Let me explain what I need to, and then you can run off. And I'll chase you, and I'll catch you, and we'll kiss. Eventually... eventually you'll stop running from me." He says.

"My kind, in order to find the right mate, have a thing called imprinting. It's basically the spirits pointing out who's right for them-"

"Let me guess, they put a fat pointer over my head." I snarl sarcastically, but he smiles and nods. "Go fuck yourself, everyone knows that you want Bella, so do us all a favour and leave me the fuck alone. The two of you can skip off into the sunset and-"

"Just shut the fuck up!" He screams, lurching forwards and grabbing my hands, slamming me into the tree behind me and pinning my hands above me. "Why don't you get it? I don't want her. She's nothing to me. If your condition for being with me is that I never see her again then it's done, I'll never think about her ever again, just please, please don't leave me again." He snarls, his head dipping to my neck.

I gasp as his teeth find the enormous bite mark on my neck.

He steps forwards and lets his hips pin me in place, one hand holding both of mine above my head as the other one skims down my side. "Who did this?" He asks me, biting down with just enough force to get a whimper out of me.

Am I really submitting? "My maker." I mutter stiffly.

No. I refuse to submit to him.

I pull against his hand, my strength so much more than his own. As my hands work themselves free both of his snap, grasping my wrists.

Our eyes meet, warm brown to emotionless black.

I don't know who did it, but the next thing I know we're toppling over my bike, mouths all but biting one another as our hands claw desperately at one another. Our lips clash hungrily, teeth smacking, all sorts of gutteral noises emitting from both our chests.

Jacob ends up on top of me, my wrists once again pinned above my head, this time as his hips grind down on my own making me snarl and hiss against his lips. He groans, tongue running desperately on its quest for entry to my mouth. I find myself pulling away, gasping as I turn my head to the side. My breath comes in short sharp pants as Jacob's lips dance down my neck, teeth nipping at me every so often, getting me to arch into him.

Fuck.

Once I've caught my breath -or maybe Jacob just gets bored of my neck- Jacob's lips come back up and claim my own. And sure enough his tongue is soon begging for entry, but yet again I pull away. "What?" He asks, pushing himself up to hover above me.

"You don't think it's a bit weird?" I question, but he merely raises a brow, effectively asking me what I'm on about. "I just don't see the appeal to sticking your tongue in someone else's mouth, that's all." I huff, realising that I fucking submitted.

He grins down at me. "I don't think it's weird." He tells me, shrugging. "And I certainly do see the appeal, but only with you. Nice description though." He says, grinning.

His grin soon turns to a snicker, a snicker which turns out to become a full on belly laugh which has him rolling off me and wiping his eyes. Yeah, I get it, laugh at me for having fears and doubts. I'm so fucking sick of everyone treating me like shit right now. "You know what, fuck you. I'll hunt your fucking mutts down and get my parts myself." I snarl standing up and ripping my leathers off.

He quickly stands, placing his hands on my hips. "No, no, River, come on." He says, still grinning. I shove his hands off me but he grabs my hands. "Please, no, don't. I'll get them to bring them back, just don't go." He pleads with me, trying to pull me to him.

I shake my head. "Get them back here, Black." I snarl as I shake his hands off, the wolf a little too close to the surface for my liking.

"River, I wasn't laughing at you." He says softly. "It's just the idea that you're this big badass wolf who could tear someone's throat our with her bare hands, but you're bothered by making out." He tells me.

"No, Jacob, what bothers me is assholes like you." I growl. "Guys that think they can fuck with everyone's head, and I'm done."

Something in him breaks. I see it in his eyes, those now sad eyes. "Fine," He mutters. "Go, just don't expect me to be waiting for you." He releases a low whistle, and three wolves come wandering into the clearing, coming over to us as a tear falls onto Jacob's cheek.

"I never asked you to wait for me." I snarl as the three wolves drop the pipes by my bike. I ignore them, walking over to it and forcing them back into the right places, and holding my hand out. Jacob drops my keys in it, not bothering to hide a silent sob that shakes him. I stuff my leathers into the bike as I yank my helmet on and swing my leg over the bike. "I trust you can tell Renee about my mom so I don't end up killing someone." I say, starting the engine up and driving away without looking back. Only, I probably will kill someone. After all, it's what I do. I'm dangerous. Tori could set me on anyone and I'd be none the wiser.

Fuck.

Why do I do this?

Why do I ruin everything?


	9. Chapter 9

**Soooooooooo... was the last chapter okay? I forgot to ask at the end. Now we're here at Chapter Nine and yet again I know the direction I want to go in but not really how to get there, so please bare with me and I'll try to make it entertaining.**

 **One last thing, I am actually English and not American so sometimes I get confused by US slang and end up using British slang. If anyone's confused by anything then give me a shout and if I put Mum instead of Mom or anything like that then I apologise in advance.**

My mom was a clever woman. She hid six, small party bottles of tequila under the floor boards, and it took me an entire half an hour to sniff them out once I got home. I was so fucking angry by the time I got off my bike after hours of riding and simply being left with my thoughts, so with my senses on high alert I could just smell the alcohol. I would have made her fucking proud when I downed the first bottle. Granted, it was small but given the fact that I'd never even had a beer before... well, she'd be fucking proud. Being a werewolf naturally makes me have a stronger tolerance to everything than a human, so I was fucking buzzed by the end of bottle number one. By the end of bottle four I was pissed. And by the end of bottle five I was too drunk to open bottle six. So obviously I did the clever thing and smashed the cap clean off. The cuts on my lips healed when I was sober enough to pick the glass shards out.

Yesterday morning when I checked my emails I had a bunch of them saying that something had better be a sick joke, so I opened one up and scrolled to the one I'd apparently sent, cringing at what it said.

 _'Moms ded and were having a fooneral so you shuld cum. be qwik i opened the boozz erlee'_ Oh my fucking god, what have I done was all I could think. Apparently I'd sent that email to twenty family members. Oh balls.

So, today's the official date for the funeral. I sent another email out apologising for my terrible grammar and saying that it wasn't a sick joke but that I was drunk. No point denying it.

I paid for everything in the end and had to run another rally to raise the money. I came second and barely scraped the right amount, but luckily I got it. She's getting a fucking expensive funeral I'll tell you that much.

Lucky for me, I managed to get my hands on another three bottles of tequila and have already downed two since people will be arriving any minute.

One of my not so incredible ideas that I'd had was to look through the photos that Tori left beside me each month. I met her and Aaron a week or so after I turned fifteen, about three weeks after I was turned. She coached me through my first month, caring for me the way only my father had ever done when I was sick as a kid. Before long she'd done so much for me and I easily agreed to do anything she asked, which as it turns out is killing. She convinced me that it didn't matter. She told me that they were bad people. That I was doing good. I believed her.

Every month I kept the photos. I never thought I'd look at them, but I kept them as a way to ground myself. I wasn't God. I didn't choose who lived and who died. I was Death. Tori was God. She gave the order and I took the life.

One single photo had my mind reeling. A single shot of a girl with long brown hair and huge brown doe eyes. There was a large, red X over the picture. Merhaps that meant I'd killed her and the next fifteen that all looked like her. The sixteen of them that looked like Bella. Yeah, I was really fucking curious now as to what Bella had done to piss Tori off so bad.

These girls, though. I couldn't get them out of my head. I'd killed them. Had I made them suffer? Had the screamed? How scared must the have been when I loomed over them like death? Had I toyed with them? Were they really guilty of anything more than looking like my cousin? I didn't have the answers to any of these. Only one thing. Tori's been training me this entire time. She's ready to use me to take Bella out. There must have been a reason she couldn't do it herself, though. She clearly knew about Jacob sicne he and the others had killed Aaron, but how did she know that I'd get past them when the inevitable happened?

She didn't.

I'm expendable. Replacable. Unneeded.

Growling, I storm off and grab my messanger bag, rifling through it until my hand meets paper. I tear the sheet out that I know to have a photo on it. The month that Tori docked me by half my pay.

Bella looks up at me, the photo of her and someone else. He's got skin as white as Tori's but gold eyes. If it weren't for the eyes I'd immediately pin him as a vampire.

There's a huge red circle around Bella's face. Tori did it and she failed.

Christ, did I go to attack? Was I intercepted? Did I stop? Did my wolf stop?

I suppose there's no way of knowing.

A knock on the door has a snarl rippling through me as I stalk over to the door, screwing the paper in my hand and throwing it into my trash on the way. I haven't dressed up today and I'm in fact wearing what I normally would, except it's warm today so I've dropped the jacket. I yank the door open the the teary faces of Renee, some guy, and Bella. Oh, and Jacob.

I open the door widely and motion to the crappy inside of my apartment. The four of them walk in, all huddled close. Especially Jacob and Bella. Bella who might know everything that I do and more. He's got his arm over her shoulders and she's hugging herself close into his side. His eye pin mine in a challenge, but what he doesn't know is that I'm too pissed to give a shit. Cunts. Maybe I'm not too drunk to care, but I could pass for it if I just don't say anything to them. "River, it's been so long. Too long." Renee says, tears dripping down her cheeks.

I nod. "Too long." I slur, skulking into my kitchen and pouring myself another drink. "Drink, anyone?" I ask loudly, not giving a shit that I'm underage and they can all see.

They all politely decline sitting awkwardly on my couch. "Suit yourselves." I say, tipping the glass back and drinking what's in it.

"Uh, River, what is that?" Bella asks, concerned. Would she be concerned if she knew what I'd almost done?

"Tequila." Jacob snarls for me. I smile, pretending to be proud of myself and nod.

Renee sighs. "Honey, I don't think you should be drinking-"

"Today's my mom's day, I'm just following her guidance." I say, pulling a cigarette and lighter from my pocket. "Now, in absense of any drugs that she would have approved of, I'll just have to smoke normal cigarettes, I hope she doesn't look down on me too harshly." I say mockingly as I take my tequila and smoke to the door. "I'd say entertain yourselves, but I don't own a TV. She sold it for coke."

"You're being ridiculous." Jacob states standing and coming towards me.

I take a long drink from the bottle, lighting my cigarette with one hand and dropping the lighter carelessly on the floor. "Oh well." I growl, opening the door and sticking the nicotine stick between my lips. "My mom and dad are both dead, who's going to tell me what to do?" I say, laughing slightly.

"River?" Comes a thick, deep voice. Nate. He wanders up to the apartment with Carly in tow. "Whoa, Riv, is this fucking tequila?" He snaps, trying to yank it from my hand. "Tequila and a cigarette?" He snarls.

"It's helping me to forget just how much it's costing to put that bitch in the ground." I state, and Nate snaps.

"Jesus Christ, River!" He yells. "You ungrateful fucking cow!" He screams at me, throwing his fist into the doorframe. "She raised you, took care of you when you were sick-"

"Got a boyfriend who beat me into hospital!" I yell, ensuring that my voice drowns his out. "Took so much money from me that I don't have any of Dad's inheritance left, she took everything from me! I dropped out of school when I was twelve for that cunt and what did I get? I got a fucking-"

It's happened pretty quickly.

I smirk, feeling the laughter bubbling in my chest. It's almost genuinely amusing.

"River, I..." He stutters. "Oh my god, sis, I'm sorry."

"Did it feel good, Nate?" I snarl. "I bet you feel better, don't you? Everyone in our family's the fucking same, we all stab one another in the back eventually."

"Oh my god, Nate." Carly utters, looking bewildered at him. "You just hit your sister!"

I simply take and long pull on my cigarette before drinking deeply until Jacob yanks the bottle from me, throwing it over the railings. Since I live on the eighth floor it smashes immediately at the bottom.

No one speaks again until we're all going to the cemetary, and even then it's only to tell me I'm too drunk to drive. I ignore them, telling them to follow me as I climb onto my bike, zooming out of reach when Jacob tries to grab for me. I make a comment about how I thought he was done chasing me and he lurches forwards, grabbing the back of my bike and heaving it to the side. He grabs me round the middle with one arm and lets my bike fall to the floor. He tells everyone to go and that he'll bring me in a minute. Nate ushers everyone away, saying that he knows the way there.

"I'm sorry." Jacob tells me.

I shrug as he lets me go. "I don't want to remember today." I reply.

Sighing, he nods before scrubbing his hands over his face. I watch the different emotion rollover him until his face softens into understanding or something akin to it. "How about a deal?" He suggests, his voice a mix of defeat and pain.

"What kind of deal?" I ask, raising a brow.

Jacob sighs deeply. "If you act today, and act well, then I'll buy us both some booze and we'll both get completely wasted. We'll get so pissed that we won't remember a thing, okay? I don't want you to be alone, and if you're not going to remember then why not have a little company?"

I don't know why, but I nod. "I want to do something crazy. I want to be irresponsible."

"River-"

"Did you lash out when your mom died?" I ask him, watching him stiffen. "When my dad died I went through a silent phase. I decided that I wanted to talk to him and no one else. I didn't speak for a week and a half before one of Nate's buddies sat with me and talked me 'round. Told me Mom was in a bad place. Told me that I had to look after her with Nate. I did what he said, but I hated it. I hated everything for a while. I wanted my dad but no one could bring him back." Tears fall openly across my cheeks, creating paths over my skin.

Jacob watches me for a long moment before smiling sadly at me. "I know it sucks." He says simply. "But hey, we can do anything you want later, okay? I mean it."

"What if I don't think you'll give me what I want?" I ask him, watching as his posture goes stiff and confusion clouds his features. "What if I've screwed whatever was between us so badly that I'm too late?"

There's something so very soft in his eyes when he looks at me. There's a heat in my belly that I've never known before. It's soft and it's gentle, it's caring and it's a caress, but through all of this it's entirely destructive and consuming. "I've told you before, River," He grumbles, smiling. "I'll always chase you in the hopes that I'll catch you."

His admission tugs on me. Fuck. I want him "Kiss me." I demand. His eyes shoot wide, apprehension and caution clouding his face, questionning me. "You've caught me, Jacob. I'm not running anymore." Am I laying myself bare? Is this what it feels like to give in? If it is then I feel like my heart is being tugged by a million different strings. Fear and longing tug at my gut, scrambling my rational thoughts like eggs.

He nods and my heart explodes. I know that he's almost certainly only saying yes so that I'll do what he wants, but Christ on a bike, it feels incredible as I walk over to him slowly, knowing that he's all ine if only for now. And when I reach him I place my hands gently on his chest, taking in what he's wearing I fear for the life of my brain. I know that this is wrong. It's so very wrong. Seriously though, who can look so good wearing that? Black dress pants, matching shoes, a black shirt, and a black tie. He looks fucking amazing. Okay, I guess it's not too tough to look good wearing that, but hears it especially well.

I slowly push my hands up his chest until they're toying with the hairs on the nape of his neck. He moves us so that he can lean against my bike, sitting sideways on it and letting me step between his legs. He's much easier to reach at this height.

Leaning forwards I feel his breath fall hot and heavy against my own lips until the tips of our noses brush. It quickly becomes a sobering moment and my breath hitches as my fingers push into Jacob's hair, slanting his head upwards and lowering my lips down to his.

The instant heat that comes from his touch has me melting against his body in less that a second, a breathy whimper escaping me.

He keeps his hands at his sides, clenching them so hard even his shoulders tighten up.

His lips are pliant under my own, moving just enough for it to still count as kissing and not just a couple of faces smashed together. Thinking more of him than myself, I bite down on his bottom lip, tugging lightly before releasing it and soothing it with my tongue.

When I lick at the crease of his lips he's all too eager to open his mouth, a real moan coming from him when my tongue pushes past his lips, curiously touching and tasting his own. With strong, assertive movements he controls the kiss, his tongue dominating my own as I close my eyes and wrap my arms around him. It's weird, slightly numbed by alcohol yet so very alive.

His hands find my waist with a firm grip, holding me where he wants me -which happens to be as close to his groin as possible- as he leans his lower body away from the bike to rub his crotch against me.

I must admit that the whole tongue thing is kind of fucking incredible. Every time we move even slightly it's like a jolt of pure energy gallops through me like a herd of elephants. Every part of my body is on fire with his touch as his hands slide down to rub my thighs before he grabs behind my knees and yanks me up to straddle his hips as he grinds up into me. I groan shamefully loud into his mouth, rolling my hips down against his and being rewarded with a strangled moan.

We keep it up for a couple of minutes before he pulls away, leaning his head back as I place mine against his chest. "No more hiding from me." He grumbles gruffly, and I nod against his chest. "Either I'm staying here or you're coming back with me." He tells me, an for the sake of peace I nod. "Good, and now I'm driving and you're going to sit on the back of the bike, got it?" I nod once more.

He looks down at me and tilts my face up with a soft touch before kissing me sweetly.

We stand for a second, ensuring that no one would know what we were just doing, but I can't help the smile that finds me when notice the bulge in Jacob's pants. He readjusts himself, making it a little less obvious. It doesn't change the fact that I know it was me that caused it though.

All is forgotten though as we climb onto the bike. We've had our fun. Our stupid, irresponsible fun. I got to be the dumb teenager but now it's time to stop.

He stands beside me during the service.

He catches me when my legs give out as I cry.

He holds me tight and lets me sob into his shoulder while they lower the casket.

Everyone approaches me at the end when we all leave and go to a hall I rented for the afternoon. There's free beer since I already paid for it, there's wine, and there's sodas.

Everyone tells me what a tragic loss it was. They say that she was too young. They tell me that she was an angel. I want to scream that none of them ever tried to help her, that they left us.

Jacob keeps me calm. My anchor through this all.

Nate comes over and we sit together. He hands me a shot almost as an apology and I take it, shrugging when he asks if I want another. I don't particularly want anything. I can't want anything if I can't feel anything. Charlie comes to sit with the four of us -me, Jacob, Nate and Carly- with a tray of beers. He says that he's here for us any time we need him. Apparently everyone is, but look how much fucking help they've all been so far.

Everyone comes and goes, but the only person who sticks to my side is Jacob, and at the end of it all when it's just me, him and a few others, he waves them all off, saying that he'll get me home safely.

The ride home is silent, and Jacob tries to make good on his promise of alcohol, but I just pull him into the elevator to my apartment and squash myself into his side. He understands what I need and wraps his enormous, warm, strong arms around me, heating me through and through. He picks me up when I break down and cry, carrying me to my aprtment and plucking the key from my pocket, unlocking it and taking me inside before laying me on my couch.

I don't wonder how he knows where I keep my duvet even as he gets it and lays it over me, I'm just pleased when he lies beside me and balls us up together under the covers. "I'll look after you." He whispers into my ear, his arms forming a secure metal cage around my back as I press my nose into the hollow of his throat. We lie like this, completely still for hours until my exhaustion wins. Jacob strokes my hair soothingly as I try to battle sleep, kissing my forehead and telling me not to fight it, to dream. And so I do just that. I dream of him, and how he'd be to wake up to every morning, what it'd be like to share a bed with him. I dream about what it's like to let myself love him, and if a dream's anything to go by, then it's worth doing.

When I wake though, I'm alone.

His shoes are gone from by the door and the faintest scent of him is from well over an hour ago.

A tear slips down my cheek and I stand, groaning at everything.

Jacob has left me here.

I don't blame him, though he seemed convincing last night.

I sigh and let my head fall as I brace my arms on the counter top.

He's gone and he's not coming back.

He warned me to stop fucking with him, but did I listen? No, and this is the price I pay.

He told me not to expect him to wait, why did I think that meant he'd help me?

I'm so fucking dumb.

Snarling, I yank my fridge open, only to slam it shut with an enraged growl when it's empty. "Fuck!" I yell, throwing my fist into the wall. The plaster and parts of wall crumble, falling as I yank my fist out of the hole in the wall.

The tiny cuts heal almost instantly, which for some reason pisses me off slightly, but I don't do it again.

"Hey, you okay?" Jacob asks me.

Jacob?

Jacob!

I spin on my heel to see him standing in the doorway of my front door, grocery bags in his hands. He drops them when he sees that I'm crying.

I rush over ot him, almost taking him clean off his feet when I crash into him, my lips desperately moulding against his. I throw my arms round his neck and lift myself up, wrapping my legs around his waist.

He soon gets over his initial shock, arms clasping round my back and lips working furiously against mine.

I thrust my tongue into his mouth, moaning when he whimpers and spins us round, shoving me up against the door as it slams shut. His hips rear back and thrust against me roughly over and over as he hardens. I groan, a breathy moan escaping me as a squeak every time he does it.

I throw my head back, a shocked noise ripping from my throat when Jacob's hands support me by my ass as he slams himself against me, his lips moving busily on my neck, kissing, nipping and licking.

When he pulls away I whimper. "Whoa, River," And it hits me what I've just done. "This is a little fast." He pants out. I nod, pushing us away from the wall and untangling my legs from around his waist, dropping to the floor and pulling my hands from his hair. I spin on my heel and walk into the kitchen, grabbing a glass and asking Jacob if he wants a drink. He politely declines so I pour myself one, leaning my front against the counter top, sighing and screwing my eyes shut. Can I not do anything right, what was I thinking? Oh yeah, I wasn't.

Behind me he sighs, moving around.

Grocery bags are laid down beside me and the there's something big and firm pressing against my ass, shocking me into jumping against the counter.

A deep rumble of laughter falls from Jacob as he leans down, keeping me pinned by my hips as he presses his lips to the back of my neck. "Trust me, I really want you, like, more than I even thought possible, but you're grieving. I want to get to really know you. I want to know you better than I know myself, and I want to know about your wolf." He tells me, kissing my neck every few words. "And then, when I know everything about you that you can tell me, I'll learn everything there is to know about your body." I gasp as he speak with such intensity, I can only image the smoldering look in his eyes right now. "I want to know what makes you scream." Holy fuck, I think I'm going to combust. "I want to know what takes your breath away." Dying here. "And then, once I know it all, you won't leave my arms for days." Dead.

I nod awkwardly, a blush engulfing my face, neck, and chest all in one.

Just breathe, River, that's the key. "The scent of your arousal drives my wolf wild." He tells me, his voice so chilled that he could have just as easily been talking about the weather. He soon steps forwards until the tough muscles of his chest and abdoman are pressed firmly against my back along with the straining organ in his pants.

There's a deep heat in the base of my spine, meeting a similar one in the pit of my stomach as he speaks. I gasp lightly and stare down at my hands. How in god's name did I end up in a situation like this?

Okay, change topic and do it quickly. "Charlie seemed pretty cool yesterday, what did you tell him?" I ask, one step away from fanning myself as he subtly presses his erection into my ass, grinding with a deep rumble of his chest.

"I don't want to talk about Charlie," He leans down with his lips against my neck and smirks. "I don't feel like talking."

My knees fail me, but Jacob is more than prepared, spinning me round and before I know it I'm perched on the counter with him between my legs, my arms around his neck as my back arches into him. His lips are rough yet welcomed on my neck as they search for my pulse point, finding it and sucking relentlessly.

One of my hands curls in his hair, claws and all scratching down his scalp, but the other flies to cover my mouth as I choke out a groan. It seems to fall of deaf ears as Jacob wraps his arms around my back, pulling me to the edge of the counter and grinding his erection against my core.

I don't hold back the groan that falls from my lips, and neither does he, hot breath caressing my neck as he breaks away for a second. "I thought I was supposed to be grieving?" I pant, my hands softly exploring the hard planes of his back as I talk.

He grins that big wolfish grin of his and presses his lips to the corner of my mouth. "I'm trying to cheer you up." He replies softly, but all I hear is that he's trying to make me feel better now since he has to go home to Forks -to Bella- soon. No matter what he does to prove to me that he doesn't love her there's always that voice in my head telling me I'm not good enough for him, that she is. She could give him a normal life, she could settle down with him. Hell, she doesn't turn into a ravenous monster for two nights a month that doesn't seem to have memory or feelings.

"Hey," He snaps, grabbing my chin roughly and forcing me to look up at him. I must look like a deer in headlights. "I don't like that look." He tells me, a firm line of grim determination set on his lips. "Whatever you're thinking, stop. I know you won't beleive me, but I love you, everything about you excites me-"

"I excite you because I'm somethng new. You'll realise that you don't know me well enough to love me, and soon enough-"

"Soon enough I'll spend however many days and nights it takes to convince you of how much I love you." He snarls, his hands releasing my face in favour of my wrists, acting as shackles holding them down to the counter. An uninvited shiver of heat ripples through my lower belly, exciting me while I scowl.

He leans down, grinning devilishly and presses the flat pad of his tongue to the hollow of my throat before dragging it up my neck and kissing my chin. I try not to gasp at the foreign sensation, but he smirks as I still and stop pulling my wrists away. Half an hour later he freed me, frustrated and flustered as I told him I had to go to work. He grinned when I told him I work in a garage in the day and a diner at night. He also decided to wander around San Francisco while I was out, saying that he'll meet Sam and the others who were apparently staying near by.

He refused to leave the room as I got changed, groaning audibly when I kicked my pants off. When I turned to snap at him he merely grinned at me and stalked over, pulling my shirt over my head. I sure as hell still don't quite understand our relationship, but what I do know is that it's fire.

One of us is bound to get burned.

I get to work a few minutes before my shift starts, pressing the security code into the door before going in and shaking hands with my boss, Don. We catch up for about half an hour before he walks me over to a group of teenagers who have trashed their bikes. "So, what's up?" I ask them after pulling my overalls on over my trousers and tying the arms around my waist.

"We, uh, we were riding around the park and fell." One of the six lads says as four girls shuffle with them.

I nod. "And this park, did it happen to have other bikes or did you manage to clip another one on the way here in the truck?" I ask them, watching as they all freeze. "Listen, we're not the cops and we sure as hell don't care if you're doing anything like rallies, but it'll make it easier for us if we know what's happened." I tell them, looking at the five bikes. All of them are fairly cheap dirtbikes but all seem to have fairly good parts which suggests that these kids have money.

"Jason was winning so some guy rammed him." A tall girl with blonde curly hair tells me, chewing her gum loudly. The others all hiss at her to shut up.

"Okay, well you'll need new faring on the whole front of your bike here," I say, pointing at the first bike and dragging my fingers over the cracks that are too large to simply fill in. I carry on telling them everything that's wrong with their bikes that they need to replace and almost gasp as they all pull out well over five hundred dollars each when I give them the total for the work. They all split the bill and give the money to Don who tells them that they can come back in a few hours or stay here.

Three of the guys opt to stay with one of the girls while the others decide to leave. Apparently the first four want to watch me work on the bikes.

Every damn thing I do they're asking about it. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind people asking questions and taking an interest, but it's questions to do with the ingredients in a cleaning agent and how the plants or something were processed. My cell ringing is a welcome distraction. I excuse myself an answer it. "Hello, River Nivalis speaking." I say into the receiver.

"Uh, hey, River, it's Jacob Black, remember me." Teases the deep voice on the other end.

I sigh. "Jacob, I'm working, what's up?" I ask, pleased to hear his voice but annoyed with myself for being pleased.

I can practically hear him nod. "Okay, well I found the guys, well, we all found each other, but now, well-"

"You're lost?" I ask.

"Yeah, and none of us can get internet to find a map back towards your place, and we're confused and a guy just offered to suck Paul off. We're scared."

Sighing and pinching the bridge of my nose I told him to wait a second. I ended the call and finished the first bike, telling the kids that things would take longer than I though since I had an errand to run. "Don, I kind of need to head out for a little while." I told him as he watched some show in the staff room. He nodded and asked why. "I, uh, my fri- boyfriend, hell, I don't know. I got a call from someone saying they're lost in town and they've just been offered a blowjob." I say, shrugging.

"Twenty bucks says is was freaky Pete," Don replied, nodding to me as I went. I took his bet as I joined my helmet up to the bluetooth on my cell and walked out to my bike, calling Jacob.

"Describe your surroundings. Be specific and quick, Black." I snarled, annoyed that I was having to leave work for his sorry ass. I found them all in under fifteen minutes, wheeling my bike along the sidewalk to them. I push the visor up on my helmet. "So, I want to know how you managed to get here." I say, smirking as freaky Pete comes over. "Pete, no one wants a blow job." I tell him, watching as he smiles and walks off. You'd be surprised how much business he actually gets.

"You know that guy?" Paul all but snarls.

I shrug. "Everyone around here knows Pete."

I walk them all to the bus stop nearest me and push the enormous boys onto the bus, tipping the driver with instructions where to let them off. He smiles and nods with a few extra dollars in his pocket, assuring me he'll take good care of them.

I gave Don twenty bucks when I got back to work for guessing it was freaky Pete before heading back to the kids with the bikes and setting about fixing them.

By the time my shift's over I'm so damn tired, but I ride straight over to the diner that I work in, ready for my second job.

There ain't no rest for the wicked.


	10. Chapter 10

**So, I'm not sure how people are going to take this chapter since this is basically where I decided to fuck shit up and now I think about it there was sort of no need for it... and it's my least favourite... anyway, I don't really like this one so don't worry if you don't; you're not alone. So, uh, away we go? Sorry...?**

 **Ten**

I've been serving bitchy bitches all night and I'm so fucking tired. Anyhow, I plaster my fake ass grin on and march over to the next table. "Evenin', what can I get y'all?" I asked the group of rowdy guys and their few skanky girls. They look fucking twelve, why are they talking about tits, I though kids played with barbies?

One of them -damn ugly fucker- smirks up at me. "You on the menu, hot stuff?" Oh dear fucking god.

Deciding not to puke on him, I keep my fake grin as in tact as I can. "Well, now you mention it, we sell a burger that claims to have the taste if Rio Degenero, and my Name happens to be Rio, so you're in luck." I replied, happy go fucking not so lucky.

He smirks as if he's got the answers to the fucking universe. "Your name tag says River." He remarks smartly, raising a brow.

I nod as his friends smirk. "Rio is Spanish for River. Nice little fact of the day. Now, can I get you guys something? Juice boxes? You can have some lego if you want while you wait for your parents." Damn, I always step over the line.

"What the fuck? We're fifteen, not kids!" One of the girls exclaims.

I grin and raise a brow. "Ah, well please do excuse me. Please, give me greatly detailed and unabridged versions of your latest adventures, oh wise ones."

"Well, your mom's pussy was my last one."

"Ah, you're into necrophilia?"

"What?"

"It means her mom's dead, stop being pricks and fucking order. I'll have a plain cheese burger and fries with a strawberry shake." One girl snaps, rolling her eyes at them. They all order, sounding shamed. Good.

"Good evenin', can I get y'all anythin'?" I asked, holding my pad ready as I went to my next table.

"Yeah, can I have you?" Says a deep rumble.

"Man, I just tried that, she's a real bitch." The kid says, turning in his booth to see the enormous Natives. The girls stare a little.

I smirk. "You know, Mr. Lahote, I believe that could be arranged. Now, don't tell me you got lost again."

Paul smirks at me. "Nah, Jake went all stalker and found out where you worked."

I glance at Jacob with a raised brow. He shrugs. "I have to, otherwise I wouldn't be able to watch scrawny runts hitting on my girl."

Laughing, I reply. "Gettin' a little possessive there, Black?"

He snarls. "When I have to watch kids like that try to flirt with what's mine? Yeah." His? Am I his? Yes. Am I okay with being his? Maybe. Hell, of course I am. "I never noticed you have a cute Southern drawl when you speak to customers. You don't normally." He adds, smiling. Do I? Only at work I guess, how odd.

I smile, maybe things could work with Jacob. Sam's girlfriend and two other girls are here too. "Flattery will get you nothing, what can I get you all?" I smirk, ensuring that I don't say y'all or drop a g while I speak.

Jacob grins at me while I take the orders. I smile back quickly before walking off. I then laugh when I think about the amount of food being shared between five people. Five deluxe burgers, five sides of fries, onion rings, five jumbo shakes, three normal burgers, and another few extra different types of sides. The kitchen staff look amazed when I hand them the slip of paper.

Suddenly, I'm pleased that as staff we have a choice between pants and skirts, I don't think I'd survive if I was caught by Jacob in a skirt. Part of me is too dead set on him not seeing me as anything other than tough.

The supreme bitch that is my only friend here is the one to take the mounds of food to Jacob's table, and I do see the small look of dissappointment on his face. "So, where's our dear River been hidin' you, sugar?" She asks, pushing her tits out when she notices there are single guys there, and damn they're all hot.

Her name's Gene, but she hates her name, so we all call her G. "In bed," Paul snickers, shooting me a teasing look. He knows I can hear him.

"We live in a little town called Forks, it's in Washington." Jacob supplies, smiling politely. She's lost his attention though once his food's been set down.

Everything goes pretty quietly for a while, and it gets to the point with Jacob's table that my manager comes out and tells them that their food is on the house since they completed our stupid challenge of eating a certain amount. The boys were pleased about free food.

It was about ten o'clock when a few of the local police officers came in and took a booth in my section.

"Evenin', boys, anything I can get you?" I ask them, opening my pad.

"Are you River Nivalis?" One of them asks.

I close my pad and look down at him. "I am, you wouldn't happen to be Officer Wade, would you?" I reply, subtly reading his name tag.

He nods, unphased. "Ma'am, we'd greatly appreciate it if you could sit and have a talk with us on your next break." He tells me, his gaze saying that it's not a request. I nod, telling them I'm due a break. "Perfect, I'm sure your manager won't mind if we step outside?" He's Irish, and that's when I recognise him.

No.

My blood boils, and I feel Jacob look at me. He knows I'm antsy.

"Don't make us drag you out." One of the others snarls, low and quiet.

I risk a glance at him only to see he's standing up. Fuck.

No.

Sit down!

Fuck.

"You alright, hon?" He asks me, smiling widely. His eyes convey a message of worry.

I look up at him and smile. "Everything's fine, just go back to-"

"River-Anne Nivalis, you should come outside unless you want us to redecorate this lovely shit hole with his innards."

I start for the exit, they follow. I think I'm going to be sick.

Jacob follows us out, and soon enough so does his pack. Fuck.

We walk for a mile or so before I stop and turn to Ducalian.

"Ducalian, I- Ah!"

I cry out and fall to my knees as my wrists burn. I look to see cuffs, silver cuffs, holding them together. Mother fuckers. "You have betrayed us. You were working with our enemy. You shall stand trial in front of our elders, and your punishment shall be death. Do you understand me, mutt?"

"Ducalian, please, just listen." I beg, watching as one of the others has Jacob pinned against a tree by his throat in under a second, warning the others to back off or he'll tear it out. He fucking would, too. "When you turned me I was scared, they helped me, they proved that you were right, the bite is a gift! I didn't know what to do. The pack abandoned me, I needed money-"

"You were a daughter to me, River-Anne, I wanted to show you our ways, and you could have become an amazing wolf, but you spat it out and chose vampires and shape-shifting mutts."

Ducalian stands at six foot one, pitch black hair, an evil twist to his lips, and horrible lines running over the right side of his face. He's blind in one eye from an injury given to him by a previous alpha. Said alpha is dead, his bones quite literally decorating Ducalian's home. "Please, I'm sorry-"

"I've been offered a deal. You won't face our elders if you agree to do one last thing. Vampire royalty have a strange obsession with the eradication of our kind. I'm going to offer you to them, as a peace offering. You'll prove yourself to me by killing them, you'll take them down from the inside out." Fuck. No, dammit. "And if not then I'll have to _gift_ your brother and your boyfriend with the bite."

"I don't think we've met before," Comes a deep, thick voice. Sam. "My name's Sam Uley, I'm the current alpha of the La Push pack. River is the imprint of one of my wolves, and-"

"Your female is beautiful," Ducalian interrupts, eyeing Leah with a perverse smirk. "stop speaking before I take her from you."

Sam immediately stops speaking, a low growl resonating from each member of the pack. That stops too as Jacob is shaken, a high and pained whine escaping him.

It's one of those moments that I know I can stop if I can only find my voice. After so long of being told that you're nothing, you begin to believe it. Jacob Black ruined that. He's shown me that I can love. I may be damaged but I can help. I can live. I can die. I can feel. I won't live. I will die. I will feel.

"I'll go." I choke. The pack eyes me with disbelief while Ducalian simply smiles. He knew all along that I'd never risk the lives of others. He always gets what he wants one way or another.

He crouches beside me and places a soft hand on my cheek in a fond gesture. "Your fame shall outshine your pain, that I swear to you. You shall not be forgotten, River-Anne." He says before nodding to his goons, eyes locked onto my own. "I swear to you that your family and friends shall be looked after."

Ducalian's helpers slowly pull on a pair of leather gloves each and that's when I know that they're going to use a fuck load of silver to hold me down. Direct contact with their skin would burn them and may even make them incapable of changing. I may have built a small tolerance by wearing my bracelet, but it won't make so much as a scratch of difference compared to what they'll do.

I nod. "Jacob, look away." I say, my voice hollow. Am I giving up? Yes, three of the most powerful werewolves in America are right next to me with threats of Jacob's life. Yes I'm giving up.

"What are you doing?" He wheezes through the grip that Ducalian's friend, Gater, has on his neck.

"Close your eyes." I demand, closing my own.

I hear everything as the two remaining werewolves whistle, and soon two becomes at least twenty. "River-Anne will make us proud! Werewolves shall rise once more, and vampires shall fall. To River-Anne!" Ducalian roars. All of the others cheer with him and a few howl. "Now remember, River-Anne, a single bite will restore them, but I'm trusting you to kill them. Now, the silver!" Werewolves yell my name as if I'm a hero, and I hate it.

There's a faint whimper as a box thuds on the ground. I hear it open and a few snarls are coming from the wolves around me. Jacob and his pack remain quiet. The rough material of Ducalian's glove lightly touches my cheek, and his voice snarls for me to open my eyes. I do so immediately and find them locked onto Jacob's pack. They all watch on in horror, but worst of all is Gater, holding Jacob from behind who is now on his knees with his head in a tight lock of his arms, pointing at me. He has no choice but to watch as he chokes for air.

I'm thankful for my spots bra and shorts as claws rip my shirt and pants away, but I know they won't save me from the pain to come.

Silver burns my kind the way fire burns alcohol, only, when we burn we can heal, it sizzles and stings, but it doesn't kill us. Plus, alcohol runs out.

I scream, load and raw, as a silver chain is laid across my shoulders. My body immediately bucks and writhes, but strong hands clasp my shoulders tightly, holding me in my pain.

My thoughts are not ones of my own pain, but of Jacob's as he has to watch this happening to me. Well, I spare a few thoughts for myself in the seconds that my mind fogs too much to spare a thought for anything but my agony.

Jacob and I hold one another's eyes, and as much as I want to, I can't even smile reassuringly at him.

Jacob.

My poor Jacob.

He's lost his mother. He's lost the chance of being a normal teen. He turns into a wolf. He'll have to shoulder the challenge of being chief. He's been looking after his father for so long. His sisters abandoned him. He's lost so much and now he has to lose me too?

How can I do that to him?

This isn't about me anymore. This isn't about some stupid deal made with vampires. Vampires and werewolves aren't meant to work together. Fuck this. Fuck Ducalian. Fuck Tori. Fuck vampires. Fuck everything.

"No," I choke, surprised by my own voice.

Everyone stops. "What?" Ducalian demands, looking around to find the reason for my protest.

"No." I grind out, screaming for my wolf to wake. All it takes is one look at Jacob, the thoughts that we'll never see him again, and she's alive as ever.

I use the surprise of the werewolves holding my shoulders and bolt up, headbutting the first and throwing my silver covered body at the second. He screams and shakes violently before falling to the floor and twitching. I quickly stumble away from them both, yanking silver with burning hands until I come across my discarded shirt. I pick it up and wrap it around my hand, picking a single silver chain from the floor as Ducalian approaches.

"River-Anne, stop this madness. By-"

"Gater, get your slimy hands off him right now." I snarl at the wolf holding Jacob. My Jacob. My eyes stay on Ducalian as I speak. He didn't get that scar for playing fair, so I sure as hell don't trust him to now.

Smirking, Ducalian laughs. "You have a small resistance to our bane, that won't help you outrun a pack of pure blooded werewolves." His tone is as jolly as fucking ever. "River-Anne, stop this now. I swear to you that your sacrifice-"

I shrug, sweat running with my blood from all over my body. "I don't care. Use some fucker else. Gater, I'll force this entire chain through your left eye socket if you're not five feet away from him-"

"You move, Gater, and your human wife dies. And trust me, I'll have my fun first." Ducalian's threat is worse than my own.

Think. Fuck, think! Shit, how can I keep Jacob safe? I need to keep him safe. I need to keep myself safe. I can't let him lose anyone else. "I challenge you for the rights to the pack and therefore my freedom." I blurt, my mouth moving a million times faster than my brain.

No.

Fuck.

Why do I say shit without thinking first?

Holy shit, what have I just done?

A smirk rises on Ducalian's face. He nods. "So be it."

Jacob is all but thrown against the ground, and the second Gater is away from him I'm by his side.

He gasps for air as I fall to my knees beside him, hands on his face to get his eyes to focus on me. He immediately throws his arms around my back, drawing me into him.

I've just signed my damn death warrant.

There's a communal snarl from his pack as a pair of feet thud towards us.

I turn and release a weak smile as my eyes bring an old friend into focus. "I'm not here to hurt anyone." Says the tall man in front of us. My maker. Carlos Rodriguez is a wall of delectable muscle, a handsome face, and a mysterious set of eyes. He's every girl's wet dream, but unluckily for them, he's a rogue -meaning that he can't control his wolf. That's how he ended up turning me. I angered him and he bit me. "The big guy wants to help." He tells me, shrugging as if he has no say over what he does. "Laws state that a wolf can accept help from its maker, and as your maker I command you to accept my help, be it on your tail that you decline." He's so damn sexy, it's almost unfair that he's gay. I'm pretty sure he's getting it on with Matt, my old crush.

I nod. "Thank you." I whisper, feeling my shoulders healing where the silver was laid over them.

He smirks. "As the leader of the Lykos pack, I hereby order all of my bitten and full-bloods to rise and aid River-Anne Nivalis." His voice booms, shocking everyone around.

Jacob and his pack stare, confused. I don't have time to explain it. "You only get to help if I'm dying." I state, wrapping my arms around Jacob and standing, helping him up.

Carlos shakes his head. "We're out numbered, you need to be smart. We'll hold him down, you kill him. The transfer of power will be immediate, so any wolves that carry on fighting us must die."

"This is sounding like a lot of death." My mind couldn't work fast enough, but my wolf's was much faster than my own, having words spouting from my mouth at a rate I couldn't keep up with.

He smirks and shrugs. "You're the one that challenged your alpha's maker's alpha." He teases as all of his wolves make their way over.

"If he's not worth it, I'll bite him." One wolf, Skylar, jokes, eyeing Jacob.

I raise a brow. She carries on. "You've got something to live for, if you hadn't then you'd have let us all wrap you like a burrito and send you to play with Count Vlad." I've always liked Skylar, but since the pack abandoned me I haven't seen her.

"I'm not sure how I feel about you being the alpha of an alpha pack." Comes a new voice.

We all look over to see a girl my age. She's got the same hair as me, the same eyes, and the same smirk. We're not related, but we look pretty similar. "How's your dad?" She asks me.

"Dead." I snarl.

She shrugs. "Sucks. How about your mom?"

"Buried."

Raising a brow, she smirks. "How's Nate."

"Nowhere fucking near you."

"Shame." She grumbles. "I was so waiting to fuck his damn brains out. Who knows, maybe I could have tunred him and had myself a bitch."

"Don't make me kill you." I growl, my fangs and claws pushing through. "Say his name again and I swear to god I'll make you a silver scarf."

She says nothing, merely smirks at Jacob, eyeing him. "When Ducalian's made dog food of her, I'll show you how a real werewolf fucks." And there your have it, the reason I hate her. She's a complete whore.

"Sidney," Carlos warns.

My blood boils.

Wouldn't it be a terrible shame if I accidentally killed her while we were all fighting. So terrible.

Jacob and his pack all snarl deep and low at her, she merely smirks.

Someone booms something in Latin, causing the eight wolves on my side to shuffle around until they've cleared a small path to reveal Ducalian stood at the end of it in all his glory, smirking at me as he phases slowly. It takes extreme control to phase at a certain speed, I immediately recognise it as a show of power, as I'm sure all of the others do. He's reminding me that I can't possibly hope to win.

I turn to Jacob's pack, mainly Sam and Paul. "They won't let you live. You all need to run." I tell them, shoving Jacob roughly and being super thankful that Jared catches him.

The wolves around me phase. This is it.

"Go." I whisper, turning to face Ducalian as Jacob yells his protests.

They manage to drag him away, and I hear Paul snarling that they should knock him out. There are a few gasps as a thud sounds. Dammit, really, Paul?

I pick up the chain that I earlier discarded and wrap it around my arm, snaking from my wrist up to my elbow where I use my strength to secure it. It burns into my skin, but my wolf ignores it, forcing her power into me. The pain may be great, but it must be better than death, so we grit our teeth and prepare for war.

Ducalian rears back onto his hind legs and howls. His fifteen wolves follow suit. It's his acceptance of my challenge. I notice Matthias Thorn, my childhood crush, looking at me from the other side, his eyes flit to Ducalian and I realise that Matt and his friends are closest to the alpha. What are they doing? I don't phase.

"Attack." I boom, my voice gruff the wolf's snarl.

The two sides charge.


	11. Chapter 11

There's so much blood everywhere.

By the time we'd evened the numbers, Matt and his friends had Ducalian pinned and a few from my own side went to help, holding off the wolves that fought to free their alpha.

Ducalian's death was somewhat disturbing for me. He was someone that I admired so much.

I phased to kill him.

He managed one last hit that got the left side of my face, three lines running from my hairline towards my nose. One of them goes right over my eye, but thankfully his claw didn't go deep enough to destroy the eye, so thankfully I'm not blind.

There was no hate, only a sick look of pride as he fell. His heart was still warm in my palm, blood gushing over the fur and dampening it to my skin. His was the first life that I'd knowingly taken and I felt a little sick.

Most of his pack followed what was suddenly my own in kneeling, and the few that didn't were chased down and killed.

So much blood.

The most blood is the blood running from my wrist, covering my entire hand. I guess that's what happens when you shove your hand through someone's chest.

There was shouting and applause when everyone phased back. I was slightly dazed, barely standing properly. A few of the guys run away, coming back with clothes, but most stay naked. I pull clothes on as soon as they're handed to me.

I call Kayden over and all noise stops. Everyone wants to know what my first official move as Alpha will be. "Spread the word of my victory. I trust you to stand as my beta, and as the pack's acting alpha when I fail to do so." I mutter, not all too sure even of what I'm saying. "Should you fail to do your duty out of anything such as ignorance, you shall be hunted by my guard who are yet to be appointed."

My mind isn't my own. These words, they're not mine. "Everything shall be discussed at a later date. No one shall bother me for the next week, after then I shall throw myself as fully as I can into my duty." And with that, my legs were moving. "Carlos, Gater, Thorn, you stand as my guard to fulfill any duty that I so wish to bestow upon you, your work will begin upon my command only."

I follow my nose.

No one comes for me.

No one follows me.

Everyone's much too shocked.

I feel like I'm going to explode.

The scent of the woods with a hint of motor oil calls to me, and I don't deny myself. I follow the scent until I find a tall block of abandoned apartments. I climb nine flights of stairs before the scent stops getting higher, so I follow the corridor that it runs down until I reach a room. The lock's been busted off the door, and there's a chorus of grunts and argumentative snarls in there. I walk in. "Knock, knock." I mutter, tapping my knuckles on the flaking walls as I go.

All noise stops, then suddenly starts again until Paul comes sprinting at me. Relief floods him as he stops. He makes to come towards me again, but Sam's there, hand on Paul's chest. "You can come through." He tells me, voice deep and thick.

I nod my thanks, not bothering with directions before I walk past the others and into the room where Jacob is lying. He's on an old single bed which is missing its headboard and covers, but there's a stinky pillow holding his head up.

"You can't leave him." Sam says, behind me in the doorway.

Sighing, I hang my head. "I'm bound by our laws to-"

"Laws that you didn't care about so much as two hours ago."

I nod. "You don't understand." I tell him, my voice so very broken. "I'm not just the alpha of San Francisco. Every area has an alpha, all of those alphas make an elite pack which is our royalty. They're our elders. The Elders have a single alpha who personally deals with any indiscretions committed by any wolf that isn't claimed by a pack. I killed the alpha of the alpha pack. Every werewolf in the U.S. is mine now. I can't leave them. He'll survive, they won't."

Sam sighed deeply behind me. "You're wrong." He mutters. "It'll cripple him. This is exactly what happened with Billy, only worse."

That snaps me. "Worse?" I snarl, spinning to face him. "Billy's wife died, I barely know Jacob-"

"You're his imprint!" Sam roars, not backing down. "There's nothing worse that the thought that someone is leaving you, at least Billy knew that Sarah was there to stay! And you, what do you do? You toy with him, it's killing all of us-"

"You don't have to worry about me anymore." I snarl, and in that second the most amazing idea springs to me. "Wait here," I mutter, shooting away and sprinting off before Sam or anyone else can stop me.

I knew two or three wolves would follow me, so I smirk as I see them rush round a corner to stay hidden. "C'mere," I say, stiff tone.

Two shapes emerge from the side of the block of apartments and both look at me sheepishly. One of them is a woman who looks in her twenties, and the other is Matthias Thorn. "Sorry," Matt says, his voice ashamed. "We were just worried after how you took off so quickly and-"

"Forgiven, on one condition. The two of you are pure-bloods, you know our stories, right?" They nod. "Great, come with me." I tell them, leading them back up to where Sam is snarling.

I lead them straight past the others and to Jacob. "Power transfers. Aside from a challenge, how could someone take my title?" I ask them, crossing my arms over my chest and staring them both down. They look away in respect.

"There are only two ways. Well, two for a male wolf and four for a female." The woman says. I barely recognise her as Matt's sister, though I don't know her name. I nod, motioning for her to continue. She does while Matt eyes the others in the room. Sam and his pack crowd the door. "Well, for a male there's either killing their alpha, or they're given the power. With females though such as yourself, there's mating, rape, death, and willingly handing it over."

"Rape?" Paul snarls, disgusted.

I nod. "Yeah, a female loses her status if she mates with a lower male. Obviously mating with a higher male would only giver her more power, but yeah, rape works. He'd gain her power and she'd be his property. In my case, I should be careful not to drop the soap." I mutter darkly. It's true that if I was raped that the male would become the alpha and that I would have to serve as his mate, but it'd be easier to kill me than to rape me. "You mentioned willing transfer, what's that?"

Matt shrugged. "We don't know. I mean, we know what the stories say, but no one's done it in centuries. The stories say that if you hold someone's arm like you'd shake their hand only higher up and both wolves extend their claws it starts a bond. Until the bond is broken everything is sacred."

"There's always blood sharing, everyone knows that works." The woman supplies with a shrug.

Matt visibly stiffens and bares his teeth. "It's filthy." He snarls, turning on her.

"What is it?" I interrupt.

She shrugs. "It's what it says on the tin. You pop open a vein with a wolf and they do the same. You both drink one another's-"

"It's like the mating ritual without the sex. It's wrong." Matt growls, staring her down.

They start bickering.

I snarl, deep and low. "Let's forget your morals. Tell me the quickest and easiest way to transfer my power, now."

"Blood sharing, but it's filthy." Matt said, glaring at the woman. I nodded, telling him to find me Carlos. They're gone and back within minutes, this time with my former alpha.

We lay out terms and conditions and the next thing I know his fangs are sunk so deep in my wrist that I'm worried he may be trying to drain me. The transfer's over in a matter of minutes and I feel the power that I didn't know I had slipping from me. Jacob wakes up half way through and is held down by Sam, Paul, Embry and Matt as he struggles to get 'that fucker's teeth out of his mate' as he so eloquently put it.

The werewolves leave quickly and quietly, leaving me with Jacob and his pack.

I watch the skin on my wrist as it begins to knit itself together right before my eyes, wishing that the taste of blood wasn't in my mouth.

"What does this mean?" He asks me, standing on shaky legs.

I smirk at him and wrap my arms around his middle to help him stay steady. "It means you're stuck with me, Black."

He grins. "Can't wait."

Since I woke up this morning I've been at war with my wolf. She says that Jacob looks too hot and would benefit from losing his pants, I say that's his decision and not hers. She also says I'm a fucking killjoy.

I've been stood in the corner of my living room all night since Sam and his pack moved from the old apartment block into my apartment. Jacob took my couch -probably thinking that I'd join him- while the others dotted around the floor and the other rooms. Since the second that Jacob's eyes closed I've been stood alert, ready to kill. He's only woken a few times, and each time he's looked at me questioningly before forcing his eyes shut once more and sleeping.

A light knock on the door has me bolting across the room. I yank the door open to see a few werewolves from last night. I immediately tense. "You'd best have a damn fine reason for being here." I snarl, so not in the mood today.

There are six of them, and they all flinch. Each of them looks just a little older then me. Four males and two females.

A deep groan of annoyance sounds behind me before there's a shallow thud followed by footsteps. They get closer and closer until there's a firm chest and set of solid abs against my back, arms curling around my waist. A not so subtle way of staking his claim.

The six of them smile faintly. "It's true then?" One of the females mutters, smiling. "That you've mated outside of pack, I mean?"

I shrug. "What of it?" I reply tightly. Some werewolves are extreme believers that you're scum for mating outside of our bloodlines, and there are a few that would hunt the wolf and their mate down to kill them. The six of them grin wider and my stomach clenches. "I'm still unmated, but I plan on mating outside of the pack, is there a problem?" I growl, angry vibrations rippling over my body.

They seem to finally get it, and all of them look mortified. "No!" One of the males exclaims, and I hear a few of Jacob's pack behind me rouse at the noise. "Sorry, we just- the six of us want to live like normal people, but all we've ever known is the pack. We were wondering if you could possibly-"

"We're sick of being animals. We've all got blood on our hands and we don't see any on yours." The second female mutters, crossing her arms petulantly over her chest.

"You're not looking hard enough." I snarl, ready to slam the door.

They all visibly flinch, all aside form the annoying female.

"And you want what from me? Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm having trouble trusting my own kind at the moment." I say as Jacob subtly pulls me into him, tensing his arms around me.

One of the males snaps his fingers, irritating me. I'm not a fucking dog and I sure as hell won't sit on command. "That's what we want!" He exclaims, grinning. "That attitude that you have. We wouldn't dream of talking about our own kind as if they-"

"As if they silvered you up all nice and pretty for the vamps?" I growl, my shoulders tensing against Jacob's chest. He presses his lips gently to my hair, and despite the fact that I wouldn't think it to be a calming gesture, it helps. "You think your alpha will be pleased when he hears this?"

"He's dead." Girl number two say. "You pulled his heart clean out with you hands."

I shrug. "After scarring my beautiful face, he simply had to go." I retort snarkily. "Now, tell me quickly what it is you want from me. It's early, I'm tired, and I'm losing the will to live."

One of them males steps forwards and offers his hand to shake. I don't take it. "My name's Dante. This is Jack, Harper, Lee, Danielle, and Kyla. We want you to train us. We want to be like you. We want to-"

"Sorry, I gave my title up last night, you-"

"We know, but you're still the wolf we want to follow. We've all agreed that our wolves respond to yours, like we're all meant to be." One of the females says, she's quieter that the other, nicer too.

Meant to be? Fucking weird. "Listen-"

"Of course she'll help you," Jacob says brightly from behind me. "I think what she means is that she's just completely drained right now, so you should come back in a few days."

Dante nods. "Of course. Thank you so much. I guess you've had a pretty tough couple of weeks, huh? Trouble with cops and pack." He mutters understandingly. Jacob tenses behind me before grabbing the door and swinging it shut in their faces.

"Trouble with the cops?"

I shrug. "Apparently it was wrong of me to beat the shit out of Stu."

Understanding crosses his face and he raises a brow, frowning. "You fought back?" He seems pleased, yet worried at the same time.

"All the way to ICU." I reply, half way between proud and disgusted with myself. "Only cost me a night on the in."

The others slowly rouse, and soon enough everyone's awake.

I find myself stood in my tiny kitchen, smiling lightly as I open my fridge and come face to face with a bag of bacon bigger than my head. Damn werewolves and their appetites.

Jacob and the others have had to go back to Forks after getting a call from Charlie to say that Bella's run away and only left a note to say that she's sorry, and he couldn't find her.

Naturally, the last person to leave my apartment is Jacob, after he crushed me to the door frame as the others descended the stairs. His lips were hot and persistent against my own as he promised that he'd be back. The irrational side of me and my wolf snarled inwardly as he was still running off to save her, but I knew that when it came to them that I was going to have to accept that they were friends and I would never make him choose between the two of us.

I keep replaying that last kiss through my head every time the silver chain crashes against the bare skin of my back. I scream every time, knowing that I can't be saved.

Not from this.

 **I know, a confusing ending which I'll hopefully be able to explain properly in the next chapter. Also, sorry for it being such a short chapter!**


	12. Chapter 12

According the the leech with the long hair, it's been eighteen months since they took me from my apartment. Eighteen months since Bella ran away, creating the perfect diversion for them as they snagged me. Aro. That's his name.

He takes immense pleasure in seeing a werewolf at the mercy of a vampire. He's been proving that for a year and a half.

Today's though he's setting me free. Or, so he says. I think his exact words were that my freedom would find me. Part of me prayed that death was my freedom and that I was going to finally be granted it/

This morning, two humans came into my cell and unlocked the padlocks that held my chains together. Silver chains. I slumped to the floor with a pained whimper. I wasn't allowed to speak. Words were what angered Aro and Caius. That's what made them get the extra silver out.

For a year and a half I've been put through utter agony, but I have vowed to not speak a word of it to anyone until everyone that hurt me is dead. If I get my wish then I'll die a silent wolf. If I'm set free and not freed as I had otherwise hoped then I'll remain a silent wolf, hunting down those who wronged me until my journey comes to close.

Everyday I feel the effects of my bond to Jacob. I feel his pain, his sorry, his grief. But worst of all is when I'm forced to feel his joy. I feel it every night when he sleeps, but then it's crushed in the morning. I pray that he doesn't dream of me, that I'm not the one inadvertently causing his pain, but I know I am because it's exactly the same for me.

The human workers slowly pulled the chains roughly away from my body, unaffected by my muted sobs. The last chain to go was the one that hung, coiled around my throat. My tormentors liked to pull that one while they defiled me. And they had the audacity to claim that _I_ was the animal.

My scorched flesh stung, but as my wolf's senses slowly flooded me it was the smell that had me sobbing, a crying wreck. Naked. Alone. I cried in the middle of the floor, hardly noticing the chill of the harsh, stone floor against my marred, marked skin. There was a simple balance between marks that I'd inflicted myself with the help of others prisoners, a needle and ink and the ones that had been set into my skin with blades and other objects of Aro's choosing.

Two hours later I stand on shaky legs beside Aro and his two hundred witnesses as they all finally stop running. "We're here." Aro announces, grinning like a cat. I open my senses as fully as my exhausted body allows, allowing the scents from the woods embrace me until his scent is just too much. Jacob. My Jacob.

We're in Forks.

I'm tugged away from the particularly heavily scented area before my mind can fully comprehend what we're all doing here.

I vomit when my nose finds the next scent though. Aro holds my hair gently and rubs my back in a soothing motion. I vomit more. I've long since learned not to flinch when a vampire touches me, but that doesn't mean that I don't still feel the initial repulsion. "Come, my child." He whispers, his voice thick and warm like fresh honey. I hate him. I know the only reason he touches me is so that he can read me, so he knows I'm not plotting anything.

Obediently, I walk the last few steps away from the cover of the trees, my gut clenching at the sight before me. My Jacob.

He's stood as clear as day beside Bella, surrounded by other wolves and many other vampires.

I almost sob as I take him in, but there's no time for that.

His eyes widen from the other end of the clearing as he sees me, and I beg him not to think that I'm helping them. The more I think about it, the more I realise that I look like one of them now. I'm wearing black skinny jeans and a long-sleeved black t-shirt, both of which are to cover my cuts and bruises, and a Volturi's very own cape to keep the bite of the chill out. My eyes are black, and I realise that the best thing I can do for Jacob is to just end what I can.

Stone-faced, I stand silently as Aro and a bleach blonde vamp speak calmly across the clearing. Something flashes over the faces of everyone on the other side of the field as tiny little Jane gives her death glare to a blond leech, and I find myself closing my eyes and breathing deeply as she screams. Aro's firm hand on my shoulder squeezes and I find myself opening my eyes to his silent command, watching as the vampire in question falls to the floor, gasping despite not needing the oxygen. "Take care of her, my child." Aro says, his voice carrying majestically for all to hear as he gives me a small push in the direction of the vampire that I know to be named Irana.

While a prisoner of the Volturi, Aro and Caius wanted to know every detail of my life. They found my work with Tori rather interesting and even went as far as to explain to me how she'd died. Bella had known all along about the vampires and had even knowingly chosen one. The one who killed Tori's mate. Apparently Tori's name was really Victoria. I hadn't cared. I wanted to go home. I wanted Jacob.

All eyes fall to me as Jane keeps her glare set upon the pathetic excuse for the undead. Aro wants me to kill her. I have to kill her. I've never killed a vampire. Not knowingly. "Werewolves are remarkable creatures." He states as I step out of his grasp. From across the field, I manage to catch Bella's eyes. Blood red. Only, they're not the eyes of a murderer, they're still the eyes of my cousin. She doesn't want this, and I can tell that she doesn't want me to kill Irana. I don't have the freedom right now to do as she pleases. "Such complex creatures. So impulsive. Instinct is a thing of beauty when shaped." Aro adds as I fix my gaze on Irana before taking the first of twenty three steps towards her. We lock eyes and hers plead with me. I shoot her down with a malicious smirk.

"Now," He says as I reach step seven. "A werewolf's venom is so much more agonising that our own when it enters a blood stream. So, now I ask you to imagine what it would feel like for someone with nothing pumping through their veins. A stationary bane." Step twelve.

Step thirteen meets screetches of "NO!" from someone at the other end of the clearing. I don't recognise the voice.

Steps fourteen and fifteen are chased up by a distant scuffle, but the rest are awaited with bated breath.

When I reach the writhing, blonde mess, she looks up at me and mouths a single word. _"Please."_ Who am I to deny her the final freedom in her life? After all, I too wished for the same mercy. I can't deny her what I too have been denied.

I clamp my hand roughly over her shoulder before forcing her to her feet and nodding to Jane. The glare of doom stops and the vampire slumps against my chest, dry sobs ripping through her.

Unforgiving, I thrust my hand into her hair and twist it around my first, tilting her neck. I don't have time to be gentle, nor do I have the will power to kill her if I give myself time to think about it. The neck will make her fate quicker. "I'm sorry." I mutter through barely parted lips as I place my head beside her own. She has her forearms running up my chest so that her hands fall limp either side of my head. She's lost all the fight that was in her. "It'll only last a minute." I say, trying to reassure her before I finally close the gap, barely holding in a groan as my fangs push through. I haven't had the freedom of phasing for eighteen months. I feel genuine pleasure at the old pain of the half-phase, and then I bite.

Her marble skin crunches like ice under my powerful jaw and I can't find it in me to feel sorrow as Irana screams bloody murder, using the last of her strength to force me away from her and ten feet in the air. My back smacks the ground with a thud and I use my second of momental paralysis to think through what's about to happen. Am I really ready to let them tear someone apart? I mean, yes I hate her for what she's done, but do I hate her that much? No, I decide. No, I don't hate her enough to watch as this happens. I have to though. For Nate.

I solidify my decision by getting straight back to my feet and watching with a relentless eye as she crumples and writhes in pain.

"Now," Aro booms, his voice carrying over Irana's screams. "Irana has been punished for her insolence, so, we must resolve a new issue. May I ask to meet with the young child?"

There are murmurs and grumbles of protest from the other side, but soon enough Bella and a tall male with red hair are walking towards us with a child, followed closely by two wolves and another two vampires. "Come, my child." Aro orders as I recognise one of the wolves as Jacob. My Jacob.

No.

He's not my Jacob anymore. I'm not the same River.

I follow him obediently, refusing to meet the eyes of my cousin. The song, _Monster_ , by Imagine Dragons springs to mind. _A monster. A monster. I've turned into a monster._ Oh yes I have.

Brief words are exchanged, but I don't take any of them in, feeling my wolf slowly beginning to rowse from deep within me. She stirs and roars to life, telling me that Jacob must be protected. I remind her that we have someone else to protect, but she doesn't care for anyone but him. "Remarkable." Aro breathers, dragging me from my thoughts. And suddenly I find myself glancing up, my eyes meeting those of the enormous russet wolf in front of me. Something in his eyes softens, his posture loosening for just a second before he regains himself.

My muscles tense impossibly uncomfortably as Aro shakes Bella's hand before repeating the motion with the male and the child. He proceeds to mutter that he thought he'd taught me manners, a look of anger being thrown my way. I rectify my mistake, extending my hand and stepping forwards into their range.

"Edward Cullen." The male states, pride ringing from his tone. Edward. The same Edward that left Bella a couple of years ago. "This is my wife and daughter. Bella and Renesmee."

I nod, letting him know I heard before offering my hand to Bella. She doesn't shake it so I offer it to the child. Bella steps forwards, blocking my access to her as I crouch.

Sighing, I look up with a raised brow. "I'm not comfortable with you touching my daughter." She states, her eyes unforgiving and stony.

"Oh, I assure you that she'll behave." Aro states proudly as I rise to stand tall again.

Edward flinches, obviously seeing something within Aro's head. How he ensures that I behave, perhaps. "Your methods are somewhat-"

"Efficient." Caius finishes, suddenly beside me.

"Cruel." Edward counters, watching me intently. "I would not wish what you've been through on my worst enemy." He tells me, our eyes meeting. Gold.

I say nothing. Aro's told me about his family. He's a mind reader, so he'll know what I'm thinking as I mentally thank him. He nods in confirmation. "So, I assume that now that we have proven that there is no threat-"

"We have in no way proven that there is no threat." Aro states, his false smile slipping. "The young one is in control now, but what shall happen if she has a moment of anger? A child cannot be expected to control-"

"What do you propose?" Edward asks, his posture still somehow relaxed.

I all but feel Aro smirk. "To ensure that she grows to control her gift and nature fully, I think that it would be wise for her to stay in Volterra. She would be raised as one of us, and naturally you would also be welcome to stay there. Your family doesn't need to be broken, Edward."

Bella stands a little taller. Everyone understands Aro's tone just perfectly. "And if we decline?" She all but snarls. "She's only-"

"We would be forced to terminate the threat to our species." Caius' tone is steely.

The wolf that isn't Jacob snarls, deep and rough in his chest. Aro tutts. "Now, now. Edward, Bella, dears, I'm sure that we can come to some kind of arrangement in which no one else must die. Irana has paid for her sins, no more pain needs to be endured."

Everyone's silent for a long second. "Your werewolf," Edward says, his eyes briefly meeting my own. "She's the mate of Jacob here, and honestly, I don't think that he'll survive losing her again-"

"River is perfectly happy with us. He is not our concern. Tell him, my child."

All eyes fall on me. My wolf wants to scream. I want to scream. "Never better." I choke out, hating the bitter lie.

Just as Bella open her mouth in protest, Aro speaks again, this time using a tone that I've become far too accustomed to. "I'm not sure that you understand. Your child is a threat. If you decline my most generous offer, River here shall tear her limb from limb in front of your very eyes."

I want to vomit.

"I will kill _anyone_ who threatens my daughter. Family or not." Bella snarls, forcing her child behind her. Her eyes snap onto mine, burning. Edward shuffles the child towards the silver wolf until she hides behind one of his front legs, clearly scared.

Aro turns to me, just enough that I can see the evil smirk playing on his lips. "My child, now you may prove your worth. Kill." He and Caius shoot to stand in front of their army, and suddenly it's a tense stand off between myself, two wolves, two vampires, and a hybrid.

Nate.

Aro had Nate.

Nate's been dead for three months.

Carly.

Carly's still alive.

She'll suffer far worse that I have.

I can't kill a child.

I can't let Carly die.

She's all I have left of him.

They won't kill her.

Her fate would be worse than death.

"We can help you." Edward says. His voice is soft. He's pleading. He knows damn well that I'm a death machine. He's pleading. Pleading for his child. My own flesh and blood. A child. I can't kill a child.

"No you can't." I tell him, shrugging. "But, I can help you."

I pull half a packet of cigarettes from the inside pocket to my cape.

Edward seems to be the only one who understands my decision, pulling a lighter from his pocket and holding it out to me. I hear Aro hiss as I reach out and take it, sparking it up as I place the stick between my slightly parted lips. "This is the part where you take the kid and sprint as fast as your furry ass can." I state, nodding to the silver wolf she's hiding behind.

I know what's coming, so I inhale as much smoke as I can before dodging the piece of silver thrown my way. My wolf rages as it flies past us and crashes straight into Jacob's shoulder.

He releases a high whine of utter agony before I allow my other side to take control.

There's a sick kind of serenity that comes with death.

I hardly even felt myself phase before I was ripping vampires limb from limb. The battle erupted around me, and I wasn't sure what side I was fighting for.

My decision bacame clear when I felt a tug in the back of my mind and turned to see Jacob crowded by about ten vamps. They were dead in a matter of seconds. My wolf was insane, taking down anything in our path. Anything that so much as looked at Jacob wrong was on our list.

Less than an hour later it's over. Only one vamp from the other side is left.

Caius.

Edward Cullen must have seen the things that he did to me in my head. I decide this as he drags him over to me. "He's yours." He states, dropping him in front of me.

My wolf knows what she wants to do. I want the fucker dead, but she wants her fun.

Snarling, I wander over to where I dropped my robe, thankful that it's in perfect condition as I phase back and slide it on. "You don't get to die just yet." I growl at him while I wander back in his direction. "Stand!" I bark, watching as he steps up onto shaky legs.

Edward seems to know exactly what's on my mind, taking a lighter from his pocket and throwing it to me. I nod my appreciation. "Come on, Caius, we're gonna have some fun. Now, tell my where my sister-in-law is." Anyone that didn't know me would think that we're friends by the way I'm speaking, and how soft my tone now is. Caius knows otherwise. "Every time you give me a wrong answer I'm going to light part of you up, okay?" His glare is steely as it ocks onto mine. This is going to be fun. "Now remember, you can't make a sound." I tell him, using the same words that he and Aro spoke to me with such joy so many times.

Half an hour later I have my answers. And they make me sick.

Death on both sides. We may have won, but what's the prize? A heavy conscience?

Pissed off, I run one of my claws over my canine, coating it in my venom before swinging my hand and slashing Caius across the face. He immediately begins to scream, convulsing as he falls to the floor with his face in his hands.

 **Guys, it's all coming to a close! I'm super sad since the next chapter is going to be the last but at the same time I'm super hyped because this will be the first multi-chapter fic that I've completed and posted so hopefully it was all alright and no one is ready to tear their eyes out.**

 **Anyway, please review and if anyone has any questions or anything then feel free to shoot!**


	13. Chapter 13

It's been three months since I got Carly back from Volterra. She doesn't say much anymore, but when she does it's usually only to me. We've bonded silently over our mourning for my brother. She sleeps a lot and I stay in the chair beside her bed in case she has a nightmare. She has them a lot.

Charlie is apparently engaged to Sue Clearwater, the woman who helped me when I was hit by a car. Harry died of a hear-attack just over a year ago when Leah and Seth phased. Anyhow, Charlie has been made an official member of the Rez, and he's been told all about everything supernatural, especially since he woke up one morning and remembered seeing me phase. So, he's still in the process of selling his house in Forks, so he's letting me and Carly stay there free of charge until she's stable enough to decide where she wants to go.

Jacob hasn't tried to get into contact with me at all, but Bella comes over everyday to check on us both, her oddly welcoming vampire family always in tow.

Carly gets twitchy around the vampires, but she rarely comes downstairs for long enough to speak to them anyway. The only one she'll let touch her is one that I've learned is named Esme. There's something maternal about her that seems to keep Carly calm.

I know that Jacob is outside the window every night, but he never makes any noise. He stands guard all night long, and every time I look out he crawls deeper into the shadows. I've decided that tonight I'll invite him in for dinner. He may have stayed away from me, but I haven't made the effort to see him either.

The creak of bed springs has me jumping to my feet, holding a quick finger up to Bella and shooting her an apologetic smile as I shoot into the next room where Carly is sitting with her legs over the side of the bed. "Mornin', you want anything?" I ask her casually, leaning against the door frame as she looks up as me, a strangely bright fire burning in her eyes. This is how our days usually begin now.

"Do we have any peanut butter?" She asks me in reply.

Raising a brow, I nod. "Yeah, you want PB and J?"

She nods, showing enthusiasm for the first time in months. "Please." She mutters kindly. "N- he... he told me about it but he never made me one. I made him eat peanut butter and Nutealla though. I remember that he loved it." A single tear slips down her cheek as she smiles, remembering my brother. She knew a side of him that even I never got to meet, but at the same time she never knew the man that I called my brother.

She finds it difficult to say his name without breaking down, so she tries to avoid it. "Nate gave me his sandwiches at school once when some kid knocked me and I dropped mine. My first peanut butter and jelly." I tell her, grinning as I leave and wander into the kitchen. Esme is already stood there holding a jar of peanut butter and a knife. "Thanks." I say quietly, grabbing the Nutella and jelly. Carly makes me smile when she calls it jam.

A minute or so later I hear the soft padding of Carly's footsteps, followed by her gasp as she sees the vampires in the rooms. She walks quickly straight over to where I stand with Esme, making a few sandwiches. "PB and J." I present to her, holding the food out on a side plate.

When the vampires are here I try to act normal with her to avoid her freaking out, and most of the time it works.

As she finishes her sandwich, she keeps looking at me, only to look away when I glance back. "Spit it, Brit." I say as I get bored of it. "Come on, off your chest."

She's slow to reply, but she does it anyhow. "I want to do something reckless." She states. Nodding slowly, I raise a brow. "I want a tattoo." She adds, seeming very conscious that the Cullans are here.

A tattoo? Fuck. "Car, that's kind of... you know. Permanent." I try, being gentle in how I speak.

She nods, determined. "I know." She huffs, acting as if I'm treating her like a child. "That's the whole point."

Fuck. If she cries there's no way I'm going to win. "Fine, but if you get a fucking tramp stamp then I'm leaving you in the parlor, chill?"

She grins and nods happily before walking back into her room, not speaking to any of the others. I think about the more recent tattoos on my body, and particular scars that I'd like to cover up, and decide that I'll get one too, maybe even two. I could get some cool tribal art or something like that. "We're going in an hour!" I yell, making myself a sandwich and reentering the living room, sitting beside a vampire named Alice on the couch.

Bella carries on talking about something random, and I pretend to listen, ignoring Edward's smirk as I nod and act enthusiastic.

Bella and I have been having long chats of late. She and I talk about vampires, about the ones we've both come across and the ones we're heard about. Tori is a large topic of conversation. Apparently she caused quite the problem once I was gone. It turns out that I really was end game for Tori; she expected that I'd wipe Bella out and all the wolves given enough time. Naturally, she didn't predict that I'd be pegged as the mate of one of the wolves. I entirely fucked her plans up without even realising it.

We still don't know if she ever actually did set me on Bella, but we assume that could be the reason that she cut my money, the only problem being that I wasn't in Forks at that time.

The Cullens all take their leave when Carly comes out of her room, having showered and told me that she's ready to go.

Two and a half hours later we're in the shop with Leah having decided to come with us -something that Carly was a little stiff about at first but soon warmed up to- since apparently she wants something doing around her tribal ink.

Carly and I watch as Leah gets hers done first, and I literally smell Carly's fear as the needle touches Leah's arm.

"Do you have any female artists?" Carly asks, shy and quiet.

One of the guys smirks. He obviously thinks it's a sexual orientation thing. "We sure do, buttercup." He replies, cocky and kind of cute. "Loads more pretty girls over here, huh?" He teases, clearly making a point of her accent.

Her eyebrows are lost in her hairline. Her mouth drops open and I hate seeing her like this. She's not their toy, but at the same time she won't respond. "It's for me." I state. Truthful. "And no, I'm not gay."

"Her boyfriend's six foot seven." Leah pipes in as an almost empty threat, grinning at me and winking.

That's the first time anyone's called Jacob my boyfriend. Ever. My insides curl in on themselves, unsure of what to think. How do I feel about that? I mean, he's not my boyfriend. For that we'd have to stop ignoring one another.

"These asshats teasin' you, ladies?" A woman asks, coming out of a separate room. She's got full sleeves, her chest, and both sides of her neck covered in tattoos. She grins and waves me forwards. "Come on, we can see what I can do."

I flash Carly and encouraging look before following the woman into the room that she just came out of. "So, do you have any idea what you want?" She asks me, pouring some kind of solution over a few things and washing them.

"Not really. I'm here more for encouragement, but I want one, so I figure why not." I reply, hopping onto the table in the center of the room.

She nods.

And so the questions carry on.

When I pull my shirt off she gasps, muttering a quick apology. I know that my scars are ugly and I've got a lot of them, but something tells me that she's gasping at my newest tattoos. I did all of them in my cell in Volterra with the help of a particularly skilled artist that was there -The Volturi allowed us hobbies in order to make our stay bearable and I guess to encourage us to think that they were nice and to spill our guts, so they let the guy have anything he asked for- everyday I'd add to it, sometimes having to break a bone in order to reach certain places. It was worth it. They cover most of the left side of my stomach and hip, a few of them crawling onto my back. "Who's Jacob?" She asks me quietly, her fingers brushing the small mark on my back. It lies over where my heart is. It's a small, simple tattoo. It's just his name with an infinity symbol wrapped delicately around it.

Smiling inadvertently, I tell her. "It's kind of complicated."

"Oh yeah? Well, lucky for you we've got a long time."

Lying on my front, I begin to talk as she begins to stencil on what I've asked for.

I give her the human version of my story.

The other version though, the other version is a little more colourful.

Some vampires, as I've said before, enjoy having a werewolf at their mercy. A vampire having the power to kill you and you not having any strength to defend yourself is one thing, but being silvered down while they defile you is an entirely different situation. Trust me, I'd know. That happened to me every single day for over a year.

"So, the wolf, how does that tie into your story?"

"I was so incredibly lost in the woods once and a wolf helped me to find my way home." I tell her, letting it hit home just how true those words are.

When I leave, my train of tattoos run like a thick fog over a large proportion of my body, particularly my neck and back, a few on my hips.

With my clothes fully on you can't really see any of my new tattoos, and I like it that way. The three of us leave and we end up in a hair salon. I want a trim.

"Hello, ladies." A tall, perky, blonde woman greets us, smiling sweetly. "Which one of you can I help? Or possible all of you?" They both point at me. "Perfect, what can I do for you?"

She's too fucking happy. "Uh, I'd like it cut and the colour removing."

Twenty minutes later my hair's been washed by a moody teen. Someone I can relate to. Apparently she's also going to be the one cutting my hair. When she asks how I want it, I can't think how to describe it, so it takes a while. "Like, well, I guess like a lot shorter. I mean, like, really close here but a little-"

"Short back and sides?"

"Yeah." I reply, not offering anything else. God, I try to be nice and speak to people only for them to be blunt with me.

She gets to it, telling me that she'll strip the colour first before cutting it.

"What's your natural colour?" Carly asks once the remover has been on for about twenty minutes.

Grinning, I tap my nose with my index finger, telling her to mind her own business.

"No fucking way..." She mutters twenty minutes later when the stripper is removed from my hair.

I laugh at her reaction. "Dude, you're blonde!" She exclaims. "I mean, you're not blonde, you're practically white!"

Laughing, I shrug as my hair's washed again. "Nate was blonde, my mom and dad were both kind of blonde, what did you expect?"

Yeah, I have almost white hair. Most of my family are blonde -or at least they were- and I'm no exception.

She and Leah stare, wide-eyed as I let them cut the hair so short on my head that they actually use clippers on the sides, cutting the top just a little longer. By the time it's done the top of my hair is about two inches long and the sides and back are about half an inch around my ears. Using some mousse, one of the women pushes the top up a little, letting the tips hang slightly to the right, still just messy enough to look like I styled it myself.

I have to literally drag Leah and Carly behind me when we leave to avoid them both just standing and staring at me. Leah mutters something about Jacob having a fit when he sees me, and part of me smiles. He must still care then if he'd be bothered about my hair.

Why am I so pleased by that?

Only a few minutes later we're all back in the car. Carly and I invite Leah round for dinner, but she politely declines, saying that she's already been roped into going to Sam and Emily's with most of the pack. Apparently as Jacob's imprint I'm invited, but since we haven't spoken he hasn't told me about it. Leah rings Emily, saying that me and Carly are coming for dinner. Apparently Emily is ecstatic as she screams down the phone before Leah ends the call.

"No! Change it!" Carly whines, trying desperately to change the CD.

I swat her hand away, turning the volume up. "What's your problem? Don't they make good music in England?" I snarl, swatting as she carried on trying to change the song.

Leah snickers in the back as we squabble, smacking one another away from the radio.

All the way home. That's how far Carly and I battle for the radio station. Naturally I win, but with her fingers being so naturally fragile as a human I have to be careful with her, so she gets me a few times.

.

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Running my fingers through my freshly cropped hair, I wait as Carly pulls her jacket on and jogs up the steps to Sam and Emily's house, pulling my hat on as we go. The jogging pulls the front of her shirt up a little, revealing a tiny amount of her tattoo. It's so cute. It's simple, just Nate's name. Only, she's had a few of his favourite things incorporated into it. _**Nathaniel Nivalis**_. There are a few tiny things like hockey sticks and gummy bears around the words. Apparently they're both things that meant something private to the two of them. A private joke that she's not willing to share but also one that I don't want to take from her and Nate.

Emily swings the door open with a grin, ushering us both inside. She seems super excited to have us here.

I'm wrapped up in black skinny jeans, a long-sleeved grey shirt, a thick muddy-green cargo jacket, a scarf, thick boots, and a knit hat. The hat covers the little hair I've got left, but doesn't give away that I've had it cut. I could just have easily have stuffed all the hair into the hat.

The house is lovely and warm as we step inside, so Emily tells us that we're welcome to shed anything we want and leave things in the spare room.

Leah comes over and takes the three boxes from me, grinning as she smells the food. Carly made about six trays of cookies, emptying the trays into a single box. The other two are full of cake that I made. I love cake.

I sense him.

How fucking weird is that? I can _feel_ him before he's even in the damn room, but let me tell you, I would have given anything to have felt that when I was in Volterra.

Before he even steps inside I know he's here.

Carly and I all but sprint to the spare room. She's become better at reading me over the past couple of months, and she knows that the look I'm sporting now only crosses my face when I know he's around. It's a look of utter numbness. How am I supposed to look? Am I supposed to skip over to him, all smiles and shit? Well, I'm not the only one that can make an effort.

Neither me or my wolf knows what to do about him. He comes so close only to stay hidden. What does he expect us to do?

Sighing, I take my coat and scarf off, dropping them beside Carly's things on the grand spare bed. Smirking, she grabs my hat and yanks it off. "Don't be a pussy." She growls teasingly, winking. "You look hot." She adds, trying to quell my doubts.

Nodding, unconvinced, I scratch my hands over my hair, ruffling the front a little. "Let's go then." I reply, waving towards the door. She walks through it with me in tow. I'm incredibly aware of everyone's eyes on me as we both step into the living room. The entire pack is sat around a TV while Jared and Paul fight on an XBox, and in the small kitchenette area Leah is with all of the imprints and a couple of children.

No one moves for a good minute or so before Emily makes towards us, grinning the size of Jupiter. "I love it," She says, flicking the tip of my fringe from where it sticks up. "Blonde?" She adds, raising a brow.

I know she's trying to get me to speak. To get me to calm down. Hell, she wants everyone to calm down. "Yeah, it's... uh, it's my natural colour." I reply, clearing my throat awkwardly.

Nodding, she turns to the boys. "Close your mouths, half of you are imprinted for Christ's sake." She snaps playfully, rolling her eyes.

Well aware of Jacob leaning against the wall beside Sam, I follow Emily and Carly into the kitchen area, knowing damn well that he can still see me perfectly. His eyes burn into my back, but I know that if I turn to face him that he'll be looking intently at the TV. There's no way to win.

Carly and I help out for about half an hour before Emily and the other women decide that they're going to sit outside on the decking. We're dragged out with them.

"It's girl talk time." Kim announces, grinning like a Cheshire Cat.

"Yay." Leah deadpans, rolling her eyes dramatically with a smirk.

Emily shouts that we're all going to sit in the shed, mouthing to me that they can't hear us talking in there. She picks one of her children up, Carly takes the other one in order to help her out a little, gaining to toothless grin from the baby and a smile of thanks from Emily.

The lot of us squish into the small shed, sitting on a load of knitted blankets and everyone sitting in a circle before extra blankets are passed round to put over our legs. I end up between Carly and Leah, comfortable enough. "Sometimes it's nice to get away, even for half an hour." One of Jacob's sisters moans, rubbing her eyes and leaning back against the shed wall.

"It sucks that they can hear everything." Kim adds, basically telling me that this girl talk is a little like bitching.

Leah scoffs. "Try having them in you head." She growls, rolling her eyes dramatically and making a couple of the others groan as if they were in actual pain at the sheer idea.

I keep pretty quiet through it all, smiling when someone says something particularly funny, but then it begins to get serious. Sex. The one topic that makes me shrivel up like a prune. "Not for about a year and a half." Carly replies when everyone goes round in a circle, saying when the last time they had sex was. "I don't think I'm ready to move on yet." She adds, shrugging and getting a few sympathetic nods.

All eyes are on me. My silence only seems to excite them all more. "I don't talk about it." I shrug. I really don't. I don't even sleep for more than half hour chunks because I know that if I do I'll have nightmares about what the vampires did to me.

They all take my answer with suspicion, but when Leah makes a grand announcement of "Last night." she saves my hide, distracting them all with a covert wink my way.

I smell him as I sink into myself. I know he's outside, they all are. They're listening, but they don't know that I can smell and hear them all. The whole pack, watching out for their imprints. I announce that I'm going to the bathroom, knowing that the more I think about what was done to me the angrier I'll get.

My wolf wants out.

Now that she's back full force almost anything Volturi related sets her off and in turn sets me off.

I stumble from the shed, registering the shocked looks on the faces of the pack. I ignore them and wander off Sam and Emily's land and into the woods, feeling the way that my muscles begin to shift and change.

"River," Comes his voice for the first time since he left me in San Francisco. It's really been that long since he spoke to me.

He only makes me worse.

Her claws, my own wolf's claws, scratch at me for release. I know she want out, but I'm so damn scared.

Some part of me registers his heavy footfall behind me. Us. Me? Us? Are we still one, after all of this is my wolf still my own? Can she forgive me for my cowardice?

"River, stop, please!"

I do as he says, stopping. I order my feet to halt and I stand as still as I possibly can. He reaches me a second later, standing awkwardly a meter or so behind me. My wolf is suddenly torn between being free or letting my human form curl into a ball beside Jacob. He'll protect us is what she tells me. Us. Because in the end we've only ever been able to rely on one another.

No one came to our rescue. No one ever has. But would he? If he had known, would he have come for us?

"Please turn around." He whispers, his voice so very... broken?

Closing my eyes and curling my fingers into my hands, I turn. I don't want him to see her, my monster, because if he sees my monster then he'll know. He'll know that I'm the only monster here. I may be able to accept her and she may be able to accept me, but I doubt anyone else could.

I don't hear or see him coming closer to me, but I feel it. I feel the way the air around me shifts, and I feel the way that his very essence reaches me, almost calming. I sigh into his touch as one of his hands comes up to cup my left cheek, ever so gentle in his movement. "River," The way my name falls from his lips makes something within me curl, confused. "Were you just gonna leave?" He asks me, a certain croak to his voice that tells me just how little sleep he's been getting. Just like me.

My mouth doesn't move. If it opens then he'll see them. My fangs. My imperfections. Me.

My wolf reminds me that he still loved us even after he'd truly seen us and we'd attacked his pack. I mentally snap back that if we'd attacked them then they'd be dead, what we did with them was nothing more than playing as far as our strength's concerned.

She forces our eyes open, begging me to let him in.

I don't know who's in control as our fingers uncurl and we reach out, pressing a palm flat against his chest. Now I understand, as his heart goes into overdrive within his chest, she wants me to see what she does. She wants me to truly see him. He's not afraid of us though, is he? No, he's afraid of losing us again. Or so she tells me.

"River." My name is so incredibly soft falling from his lips, telling me that once again Jacob is putting me first. Remembering the time I spent with him I guess that's what he's been doing all along really. "We can make it." He tells me, stunning molten chocolate eyes caressing me. Not once does he move even an inch and I know it's because he doesn't want to spook me which admittedly is far too easily done.

 _We can make it_. Can we? I suppose if anything, all we've proved so far is that we're most certainly survivors. No matter what happens, we're always thrown back together. Then again, this isn't about survival. For the first time in my life it's not about planning every step. Maybe that's because I don't need a plan with Jacob. We don't need a plan because neither of us will let the other fall.

Granted, we've had our struggles and we've certainly had our fair share of scraps -all cause by my beautiful self- but that's what makes us fit. Surely that's how we know we'll work?

Fuck imprinting. I was head over heels for him before this shitty wolf magic

"River?"

I don't need magic to tell me how we work. I may be damaged, but I'm not broken. There's a difference and only now am I learning it.

He's mine.

"I love you." I croak freely.

And I'm his.

"Forever."

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 **Well, I guess that concludes it all. I'm not too keen on the ending but if I didn't stop there then I'd never stop and I vowed to myself that I'd finish this before posting it in order to ensure that it was completed.**

 **I'm not sure about the idea of an epilogue, but if anyone wants one then just say in the reviews or whatever and I'll post one as soon as I can. It'll be posted separately but it will clearly be labelled as the epilogue for this (obviously only if it's wanted) so there won't be any confusion.**

 **Also, if anyone HATES the ending then I may be inclined to change it, but I hope it's okay. I realise I haven't tied up all the loose ends but I figure that it would take me too long to rewrite it with all the stuff I've got going on so it's better to post it as it is.**


End file.
